Is it time for me to leave the forums? I feel ready to move forward

[Rifka]

I am here for about three weeks now. I read everything here and have done the recycling dance with only a week in between each time. I told him that I was finished with all of the craziness on August 3rd. It's been over a month now. He attempted contact the initial week or so, stalking, begging, flowers, cards, random knocks on my door. I was done when I told him on the 3rd. There was nothing at that point that could have swayed me to go back. I felt so disrespected by him and emotionally abused that I thought he would actually hit me on his next rant! I was done! I came to these forums and they have been extremely helpful in educating me on the disorder. I have written back and forth on the threads over 100 times.

In a nutshell, I feel great!

I get it, I don't want anything to do with this disorder ( it just has no room in my life ) why would I want to stay tortured within myself, when I was tortured enough in the relationship?

That's why I ended it!

I loved him and would have done anything for him, but the man I loved was not the man his  true colors showed. Comfort made him show the real him. This was not somebody who deserved my love.

He pushed and pushed me until I really had enough. I'm not tempted to contact him and I definitely would not respond if he did try to contact me. I visited the police dept filed a complaint for stalking and told him that any more contact would force me to get a restraining order.

I came here to learn and I did, I came here to speak to others in my boat and I did.

There are so many beautiful, wonderful people here.

It hurts me to see so many people in so much pain.

I have moments where my mind flips to the great memories. Maybe a song, a restaurant, or somebody asking what happened. They are very short moments because there were so many more bad moments and it was getting worse by the day.

I gave myself a month to learn what I can here and by reading everything that I could get my hands on.

I feel I'm done, I have accomplished what I sort out for my health and moving forward goal.

I don't want to question it, but I really feel great! I'm having so much fun again, back with all of my friends, back to spending quality time with my daughters ( he consumed so much of my time, which I know I allowed)

I am moving forward in my life everyday. I would say I'm 90 percent back to me. Another week when all of my goals are set forth, I feel I will be at 100!

I feel leaving would be the final step in my successful jump out of BPD.

What do you think?

Rifka

[drummerboy]

I'm in the same boat. I have got so much knowledge and support here, it has helped so much. But there is an addictive quality to these boards and I find that when I come in here I think about my ex much more than I would if I wasn't coming in here. The fact is, I want to think of my ex as little as possible and get on with my life.

Rifka, you have been such a positive inspiration to so many people in here. These boards need people like you to help others but if you leave I'll understand and will be wishing you the very best for the future. If you leave I just want you to know that you have been an amazing help to me and I thank you from the bottom of my heart for that. And I know that when you are ready you will get into an amazingly healthy, fulfilling relationship now that being with a BPD and learning so much about BPD has made you bulletproof.

[Rifka]

I'm in the same boat. I have got so much knowledge and support here, it has helped so much. But there is an addictive quality to these boards and I find that when I come in here I think about my ex much more than I would if I wasn't coming in here. The fact is, I want to think of my ex as little as possible and get on with my life.

Rifka, you have been such a positive inspiration to so many people in here. These boards need people like you to help others but if you leave I'll understand and will be wishing you the very best for the future. If you leave I just want you to know that you have been an amazing help to me and I thank you from the bottom of my heart for that. And I know that when you are ready you will get into an amazingly healthy, fulfilling relationship now that being with a BPD and learning so much about BPD has made you bulletproof.

Bauie,

Thank you so much! You are just so sweet and kind. Believe me when I tell you that I feel so much love and concern from so many of the wonderful people here. Thank you all for helping me so much when I came here a wreck, confused, and at my wits end.

I got so much power from all of you.

I will stick around for the next week and then wean out of here.

Bauie, you are definitely one very special person, you have followed me here and picked me up off the floor many times with your caring and cheerleading!

I'm thinking that there is a point where it is time to leave here and move on with our lives. Everybody will find that time in their own time. There is no time limit!

The resources here are invaluable. I will leave a donation on the site for my gratitude when I leave. I am proud to help keep this a working site that can help so many people like myself that never even heard of BPD before a month ago. Finding this site was so important in the healing process.

I will p/m you Bauie!

Hugs to you my friend and hugs to you all.

I am forever grateful for the open arms and hearts that I receive from all of you!

May you all find the door to close your pain from all of the chaos of this disorder.

May you all finally accept that you did everything in your capacity for your partners, but they are mentally sick and you can't save them, so you need to save yourselves.

We are in charge of us and our happiness.

We can't just give undeserving or mentally Ill people that responsibility because they can't even be responsible for themselves.

May you find the strength to let them go, no matter how difficult it is because you deserve so much better and true love and respect!

Rifka

[trappedinlove]

What do you think?

It's a valid question to ask oneself - whether being on the board is a trigger by itself and is part of the post-BPD addiction / obsession, renting space in your head for the disorder. Lingering on here could be a sign you're not done and the final detachment phase is to detach yourself from this forum.

Then, one could be back is there is an interest in helping others and/or learning from others after recovering but getting to this stage might require a period of NC and withdrawal from the forum as well.

[Blimblam]

Only you know when you are ready.  This place will be here for when you crave support if you feel you still need support be kind enough to yourself to not be too proud to come back. 

[Lolster]

I can totally relate to this.  Your life is back to normality so why give head space to the disordered ex that no longer has a place there?  It does keep you thinking about them by writing down your experiences of them. 

It's so sad to see others in so much pain from it all, especially those that have been here a long time and don't appear to be able to wipe the slate clean and move on, which is so much more difficult when there's shared children/marriage/work and LC has to be maintained. I also have a long past disordered relationship where LC does have to be maintained and I do have the memories of how I felt that would never improve and that my life would remain chaotic due to that person.  I can happily say that is not the case, it does get better, that person no longer has any effect on me, I am distanced enough to see him for what he is and he gets no reactions from me.

When I arrived here I had already considered BPD before the final straw for NC, and have now been NC for 6 weeks.  It feels good.  But I'm also aware that he could attempt to break the NC anytime, so for now I'm sticking around to remind myself why I shouldn't respond to that.

It's good that you feel this way.  Good luck on your continuing journey.   

[Rifka]

Thank you for the responses.

I know my situation is probably the easiest to move thru. We were never married, don't have children together, don't work together, and should not run into each other unless one of us deliberately wanted to. ( I know I don't ) it might happen in a year or so at his sons high school graduation, but maybe not.

If I did run into him at this point, I would think about how sad I feel for him and how difficult life and love could be in his future.

I may flash some good memories, but I will remember to think of the very bad as well!

I have no desire to return to crazy land, my ticket says no re entry without paying full price again.

It was not a good place, I pass!

BPD is completely out of my league and I admit it, if it ever comes near my door again!

I know the door is always open here to come visit. If I feel I need to vent or share a story or make a comment or greater yet tell the future success story of how great it is once we get to the other side of the door, I will without doubt.

Rifka

[kc sunshine]

Hi Rifka! I love this line and totally relate:

"BPD is completely out of my league and I admit it, if it ever comes near my door again!"

I'll miss you here but thank you thank you thank you for your wonderful company and support! Here's my plan: get to 100 posts on this leaving board and then head over to the personal inventory boards for 100 posts!

[Rifka]

Hi Rifka! I love this line and totally relate:

"BPD is completely out of my league and I admit it, if it ever comes near my door again!"

I'll miss you here but thank you thank you thank you for your wonderful company and support! Here's my plan: get to 100 posts on this leaving board and then head over to the personal inventory boards for 100 posts!

Great idea K C! Thank you for giving me the power to count and be aware of my n/c days.

Every new higher number made me prouder of me and my strength and thankfully my stubbornness.

I have been on the personal inventory boards and even the dating board again for about a week or so now, but always coming back to share on the leaving board.

Dating again is is starting to look like a possible option for me. I have politely refused offers in the last month to allow healing, self reflection and to have me time. I also did not want to just go and lead somebody on, when mentally I had nothing to offer. I was in too much pain.

Maybe October will be the time!

My own birthday present to myself?

Most of the material I read to go forward were on the personal inventory board, it really helped!

Thank you again KC for being a big part in the the support I received here.

I am forever grateful to you!

Everybody here gave me pieces of the puzzle to put together on my own time.

The puzzle is complete and it is so beautiful!

Hugs to you K C!