Questioning myself after seeing Brandon Marshall show on TV

[Eduardo15]

For those who do not know, Brandon Marshall plays for the Chicago Bears of the NFL, and has a very public story of his past struggles, and success overcoming BPD, as well as advocating for the disease. Anyway there was such a show on NFL network called "A Football Life" and this episode was on Brandon. Seeing how bad he struggled before, how low his life was, his unbelievable rap sheet and run ins with the law, and then what an unbelievable change he made in his life. He hit a low point, finally faced his disease head, and spent three months at Harvards hospital for their outpatient BPD program, and seems to really have turned his life around.

Anyway, it was so inspirational seeing him, and knowing change is real and possible. I know and am sure he still has a battle in front of him, but its under control.

Outside of being inspirational, it made me question how I gave up on my BPD partner at some point. Of course the terrible cycle, and unhealthy damaging relationship we had never truly changed, but she never really got the help she needed. Granted maybe 1 out of 10,000 cases could afford a program such as harvards, and we had tried some couples dbt classes, however I just wish there is more I could have done, or maybe should have.

It saddens me to see Brandon, and his wife who stuck by him, and the reward she now has and they have together of a loving healthy relationship they fought for together, but more importantly she got to see the Brandon who was really there deep down.

I never got to see that with my partner, I continued to see someone who would threaten me, lie to me, attack me and my family, just slowly destroy me, and I eventually got to the point I lost ALL sympathy and understanding for her, was scared and hurt by her.

I feel guilty now how bad I have closed her off, how short and mean back I have gotten when she so desperately wants my love and attention again.

I had lost all faith in things being normal/happy. Tonights show made me sad I ever got to that point.

[Mutt]

Hi Eduardo15,

I'm sorry that your feeling sad. Watching a success story triggered feelings. You were engaged and she had accepted her diagnosis. It takes commitment for the pwBPD to work in therapy. This is a part of her personality, a difficult disorder with strong defense mechanisms on the self.

I didn't wish this on my wife or anyone. I wish that i could of helped her like you. My love was not above the disorder, she has to want to help herself. It's sad to watch. You did the best that you could and you can't ask for more than that. We can't beat ourselves up

[BlackandBlue]

I tried to get my exBPDgf into therapy and she made an appointment with a therapist but backed out. What's the old saying, you can lead a horse to water but can't make them drink? Whats messed up is the fact that her mom us actually a psych nurse in a hospital yet she is undiagnosed. She told me that she doesn't want to know if she's flawed or give her mom the satisfaction because her mom because she works in this field. I think her mom knows there is something wrong but doesnt know what. She has no clue how bad she is... .its sad

[Infern0]

I don't think there is anyone on here who didn't do their best by their BPD.

I listened many times to all of her problems.  I encouraged her to seek professional help over and over again,  I pledged my support to her every step of the way. I was prepared to roll my sleeves up and take all of the rough with the smooth.

The fact is she didn't WANT help.

She said to me once "it just isn't our time"

That statement was surprisingly astute.

She wasn't ready to do the work,  she would rather stay in her fantasy that everything is ok. I was not willing to live in the fantasy with her.

I wish it was different,  If she had any genuine desire to break free of the BPD and take even small steps to improve then I'd do all I could to help.

But eventually you have to walk away,  it's not time for her to get well yet.  Maybe one day it'll come. Who can say.

[Panda39]

Hi Eduardo

I'm sure you did your very best with your BPD person for as long as you could.  I'm attaching a link to another thread about BPD treatment (discussion about how difficult it can be)... .

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=233724.0

From what I can tell Brandon Marshall's "recovery" (there is no "cure" only skills to function better) is not common.

Brandon Marshall has acknowledged that he has BPD... .did your ex?  Brandon Marshall has the drive and motivation to seek treatment... .did your ex?  Brandon Marshall is practicing the theraputic skills he has learned... .did your ex? Brandon Marshall gets consistent treatment... .did your ex?

Only the pwBPD can decide they want to change, seek help and "walk the walk". As much as you want to help it isn't up to you, it is up to them.

[.cup.car]

Not every pwBPD is going to lose out on a $40,000,000 NFL contract if they give up trying to seek help for their disorder.

It's not so much that Brandon's wife stuck by him, it's that he was a professional football player and knew he couldn't manipulate others into believing that walking away from $40,000,000 and a career he was passionate (and successful with) was a smart decision.

Especially since a former teammate (Ricky Williams) had demonstrated so clearly what happens if you give up football to be a bum and try and convince everyone you made the right choice. RW #34 is an embarrassment.

[tim_tom]

FWIW... After a bit of research...

• Marshall was in therapy for 4 years prior to the Harvard stay



• Marshall completed the harvard stay and was healed in mid 2011



• In March of 2012, Marshall was accused of punching a women in the face in a night club brawl

I wouldn't bet that Marshall is healed of anything, it's more likely this is PR. imo

[buterfly]

Brandon Marshall has acknowledged that he has BPD... .did your ex?  Brandon Marshall has the drive and motivation to seek treatment... .did your ex?  Brandon Marshall is practicing the theraputic skills he has learned... .did your ex? Brandon Marshall gets consistent treatment... .

How hard is it to think that the love of your life could not be held onto, very! But I think this is correct. I tried everything I could, as I'm sure you did. My ex undeniably tried nothing. In fact he claims he was only "sad," but as a human being I know I deserve respect, love, and even the slightest bit of effort. His wife gave that, and he have that... .By trying... .By admitting. Life is a process in which growth is important. They grew. My h and I did not, that's ok.

Nothing lasts forever... .Not the mountains or the sea. Take care Eduardo... .