BPD vs. BPD/NPD

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

Freedom and Fluff--dogs can be controlled. Nuff said. Narcissism? "Oh see how it LOOKS when that extraordinary woman is caring for those poor dogs." Instant gratification and adoration? Yes! Barking and wagging of tail. Makes perfect sense. Take2, I will definitely check out the book on trauma bonds; Freedom 33 has pointed out in his posts where these bonds are even physiological in nature. And Take2--I get the shame, but my T says the shame adds another layer of pain. I'm afraid working with our exbf's does as well--constantly re-opening those wounds so they cannot heal. We don't leave the job, because we continue to cling. I'm looking at new job opportunities beginning tomorrow. It's gonna hurt like h***, but it is the only way to heal.

[Loveofhislife]

Freedom and Fluff--dogs can be controlled. Nuff said. Narcissism? "Oh see how it LOOKS when that extraordinary woman is caring for those poor dogs." Instant gratification and adoration? Yes! Barking and wagging of tail. Makes perfect sense. Take2, I will definitely check out the book on trauma bonds; Freedom 33 has pointed out in his posts where these bonds are even physiological in nature. And Take2--I get the shame, but my T says the shame adds another layer of pain. I'm afraid working with our exbf's does as well--constantly re-opening those wounds so they cannot heal. We don't leave the job, because we continue to cling. I'm looking at new job opportunities beginning tomorrow. It's gonna hurt like h***, but it is the only way to heal.

[Blimblam]

I think the npd/BPD combo might be the queen subtype or queen/siren.

[Fluff]

Freedom and Fluff--dogs can be controlled. Nuff said. Narcissism? "Oh see how it LOOKS when that extraordinary woman is caring for those poor dogs." Instant gratification and adoration? Yes! Barking and wagging of tail. Makes perfect sense.

About the only good thing I take with me out of this is she called me a cat at the very end. I guess it means she tried to control me and failed. I, at the other hand, did feel controlled like one of her dogs. But I guess I did do something right at least... .I'm a m*therf***ing cat!  I try to tell myself...

Anyway, both npd and BPD tries to control.

[Fluff]

I'm looking at new job opportunities beginning tomorrow. It's gonna hurt like h***, but it is the only way to heal.

I can't even imagine if I had to work with my ex. Makes me nauseous thinking about it. Being on the same internet as her is hard enough.  

[freedom33]

We were in the same company with my ex and had to quit in the end - I couldn't work with her. It was just impossible. I handed out my resignation after a strenuous period of 7 months. She submitted her resignation a week after I submitted mine. It seems that it was a competition in her mind, a power struggle to avoid abandonment. If I quit she had to match it.

By the way fluff - she also called me a cat. There is an ad here in the UK called Be more dog - quite funny actually. We used to laugh about that one because of it (I think?)... .I am an only child and grew up with quite an independent streak. Having said that independence as an only child comes with a mixed feeling of extra pressure from the parents. All their dreams and hopes are placed on one person's shoulders. There has been a heavy burden and a sense or responsibility for others and society that has been placed on my shoulders whilst at the same time I am fiercely independent and totally allergic to control. I get irritated easily when I feel that other people try to control me and I have a sensitive control radar.

You can imagine how that worked with my ex - overtime. Whenever she tried her control games with me I would either distance myself from her or set boundaries or argue. It was a really tough pattern. And I also acknowledge that sometimes I try to control others too but in reality I want to avoid it because if you try to control others you end up being controlled by them i.e. you are dependent on their conformance to your controlling demands. The controller is controlled by the desired object of his control. That's not good. A zen saying comes to mind here 'don't lead I won't follow, don't follow I won't lead'... .

I think she was the queen/siren type definitely. Never apologised. Entitled. Aggressive. Without a hint of remorse. Just caring about herself and her needs. There's another post here (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=234349.0;topicseen) that I am exploring her NPD traits. Is the queen very narcissistic Blim? It sounds right mythologically but I am not sure what queen/siren type means. Can you provide some context?

[ajr5679]

my ex was a high functioning BPD/npd psychopath. never once did she ever take care of me. if i got sick she would run. or tell me to get over it. if I needed a ride somewhere she would make sure she was not home. but if she was sick I was expected to take care of her.

everybody even her friends called her a cat. when she wanted you she would love on you ,if she needed something she would be nice to you, but when she did not want or need anything she wanted to be left alone.

she loved animals for a short period of time and then she would find faults in them and move on to the next victim.

it was the same thing with anything. one time she told me that she could only be around something anything for six months and then she would get bored and move on. she liked for the house to be cleaned and everything to be put in its place so everybody would think she had her stuff together.

every week she would complain about her health or how she looked. she would make sure everybody knew all of my faults and how she paid for everything (LIE) and how everybody was so mean to her.

she would give everything away to everybody just to make her feel and look important.

we started out in a trama bond. I was at a very low point in my life and she took me for everything I had and then smiled at me and gave me a hug and walked away.