Home page of BPDFamily.com, online relationship supportMember registration here
January 20, 2021, 01:55:55 PM *
Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.

Login with username, password and session length
Board Admins: Harri, Once Removed
Senior Ambassadors: Cat Familiar, I Am Redeemed, Mutt, Turkish
  Help!   Groups   Please Donate Login to Post New?--Click here to register  
bing
Experts share their discoveries [video]
100
Caretaking - What is it all about?
Margalis Fjelstad, PhD
Blame - why we do it?
Brené Brown, PhD
Family dynamics matter.
Alan Fruzzetti, PhD
A perspective on BPD
Ivan Spielberg, PhD
Pages: 1 [2] 3  All   Go Down
  Print  
Author Topic: What do they do when they are alone ?  (Read 7095 times)
Algae
***
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 208


« Reply #30 on: October 13, 2014, 03:58:49 PM »

Mine always goes on Facebook to talk to people, or goes on Instagram and uploads pictures of random stupid stuff to feel artsy.  She'll go outside and take pictures of plants and put 100 filters on it and be like, "IM SO ARTISTIC!"   

Face it though, it's 2014.  No matter how alone you are... youre never truly alone.  Facebook, Snapchat, Whatsapp, Kik, Instagram, Etc.  Theres always someone that will keep their attention long enough until someone important comes around them.
Logged
In Pain
**
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 88


« Reply #31 on: October 13, 2014, 06:21:04 PM »

Interesting stuff.

Mine used to say she wore out her vibrator. I thought she was just joking. Maybe not. She also had a black bag of toys.

She was so sexual with me. I'm sorry I didn't know more about her at the time.

So, lets see... .Saturday afternoon at home, drinking vodka, masturbating all day long while watching porno.

Not all bad, but if its an obsession... .
Logged
fred6
******
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 808



« Reply #32 on: October 13, 2014, 06:30:25 PM »

So, lets see... .Saturday afternoon at home, drinking vodka, masturbating all day long while watching porno.

Not all bad, but if its an obsession... .

Ummm, that doesn't sound like a fun day. I think for me the vodka would counteract the other activities. But then again I'm not BPD, or so I think, Laugh out loud (click to insert in post)
Logged
Indyan
******
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: separated for 15 months, court 4 months ago
Posts: 812


« Reply #33 on: October 14, 2014, 03:32:00 PM »

So, lets see... .Saturday afternoon at home, drinking vodka, masturbating all day long while watching porno.

Not all bad, but if its an obsession... .

Ummm, that doesn't sound like a fun day. I think for me the vodka would counteract the other activities. But then again I'm not BPD, or so I think, Laugh out loud (click to insert in post)

Smiling (click to insert in post) Smiling (click to insert in post) Laugh out loud (click to insert in post)
Logged
maric
**
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Gay, lesb
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: 9 months out of RS
Posts: 93



« Reply #34 on: October 14, 2014, 04:08:34 PM »

Mine could not stand to be by herself. She always had appointments ready for the whole month.

At the beggining she told be that sometimes, when she was by herself, she got the feeling that she was going crazy. Then she would do some kind of activity with people she did not even liked (or so she said). She got irritated over something some of this people do, and then would not contact/ignore them for months. If I only knew better!

Logged

Mr. Solo
***
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic Partner
Relationship status: Married for 18 years. Separated for 1.
Posts: 117



« Reply #35 on: October 15, 2014, 02:19:48 AM »

My wife openly admits she cannot stand being alone. She has actually done a few things on her own recently to try and overcome it. She says she doesn't like being alone because she has to think. If she is alone and can't find someone to talk to or hang out with, she will go to sleep.
Logged
Warpy

Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 7


« Reply #36 on: October 15, 2014, 04:36:31 AM »

Mine hated being alone, too.  Like others have said, she would make plans several weeks in advance.  She knows heaps of people around town (superficially, of course; just party buddies) and is heavily into the local rock scene, so there were always deadbeat boozers and washed-up old rockers at a myriad of bars and pubs that she can hang with on Friday and Saturday nights.  They're the people she felt were on her level: irresponsible and not about to tell her to make something of herself.  She would commit to several events on the same night, picking the one that took her fancy the most on that day.  Even with social engagements she had back-up!

The problem with this was I'd agree to go to these things, shunning my friends in the process, and then on the day she'd change plans completely.  The first time I ever complained, she shifted blame, and broke up with me.  Classic waif.    
Logged
Warpy

Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 7


« Reply #37 on: October 15, 2014, 04:38:32 AM »

Oh, and alone time was usually Facebook and ridiculous 'arty' movies that I couldn't make head nor tail of.
Logged
Loveofhislife
****
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: Divorced
Posts: 426



« Reply #38 on: October 15, 2014, 07:44:33 AM »

After 12 weeks since he suddenly abandoned me with no explanation, I have learned that he has moved and set up camp on the beach where he seeks to lure more victims.  I found his online dating profile.   As well, it appears he keeps himself entertained with porn and mutual masturbation sites.   
Logged
hurting300
********
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 1292



« Reply #39 on: October 15, 2014, 02:46:32 PM »

She told me she would sometimes masturbate all day, dozens of times... whoaaah  Smiling (click to insert in post)

Mine did that when I was around. I'd wake up in the middle of the night of her climaxing or walk into the bedroom and she'd be there rubbing herself off. Like a Bonobo. I found it more and more disturbing and disgusting as time went on.

Mine loved having all day sometimes Laugh out loud (click to insert in post). She also told me she hated porn but she internet history tells another story. Lmao
Logged

In the eye for an eye game, he who cares least, wins. I, for one. am never stepping into the ring with someone who is impulsive and doesn't think of the downstream consequences.
Indyan
******
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: separated for 15 months, court 4 months ago
Posts: 812


« Reply #40 on: October 15, 2014, 03:57:30 PM »

I'd wake up in the middle of the night of her climaxing or walk into the bedroom and she'd be there rubbing herself off. Like a Bonobo. I found it more and more disturbing and disgusting as time went on.

That's disturbing. But  Laugh out loud (click to insert in post)
Logged
amigo
***
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 154


« Reply #41 on: October 15, 2014, 05:53:19 PM »

my BPD ex also claimed that he needed sex at least 3 times a day and that he would masturbate at least that many times a day, if he didn't have a girlfriend.

Soothing the beast... .
Logged
hurting300
********
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 1292



« Reply #42 on: October 15, 2014, 06:12:42 PM »

I think this sexual behavior is BPD only. I have a massively high sex drive and I'm mentally healthy.
Logged

In the eye for an eye game, he who cares least, wins. I, for one. am never stepping into the ring with someone who is impulsive and doesn't think of the downstream consequences.
camuse
****
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 453


« Reply #43 on: October 15, 2014, 06:28:57 PM »

A high sex drive is ok, masturbating is normal.

It's the motivation that is the red flag - are they seeking orgasm because they are aroused, or because they are in pain? How does your BPD react if you aren't in the mood or are unwell? Mine would tell me she could find someone else if I wasn't interested. Nice!

I noticed early on that mine was never noticeably aroused. Now I think she simply wasn't actually aroused at all, she just wanted an orgasm for the pleasure rush, to soothe her emotional agony, and she needed it for validation. She was always up for anything sexual, but never kissed. Once she had come, we were done. For a bit, until the rush subsided and anguish returned.

I've been dating a girl recently, who really enjoys sex with me, if we are both in the mood, which we often are Smiling (click to insert in post) but she doesn't NEED it for pain relief or validation. The difference is not so easy to detect, but it is important imo.

So basically, I think some BPDs just need a lot of orgasms for the dopamine - hence all the furious masturbation, and sex is just a form of masturbating with the added bonus of being a hook and validation.

Logged
amigo
***
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 154


« Reply #44 on: October 15, 2014, 06:51:44 PM »

Of course a strong sex drive and masturbation are ok.

I agree with camuse though that the motivation does make a difference.

My BPDex wouldn't take no for an answer and often times was rather agressive in getting off "on" me, it had very little to do with being intimate with me during those times. He would sometimes just say "are you ready for me?" not really waiting for an anser and "no" was never really an option. He would just go for it in a way that was physically brutal and had I been mentally stronger and protested, you could certainly consider it rape. But I was just too afraid to upset him by saying no and usually just reasoned to myself, " if it makes him happy, I can just hang in there for a few minutes... ."(so sad, I know). The few times I insisted that he give me a break, he didn't threaten to go elsewere, but he seriously pouted and/or got very emotionally distant. In retrospect, maybe he did go elsewhere... .

Even writing this I cringe at how guilty I am of propagating his horrible behavior by being a doormat and a mere object for his dopamine release. It's good to write this down though. My warped mind seems to selectively remember the few instances where being with him felt good and exciting and like making love.
Logged
Mr. Solo
***
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic Partner
Relationship status: Married for 18 years. Separated for 1.
Posts: 117



« Reply #45 on: October 15, 2014, 07:00:03 PM »

My wife didn't masturbate a lot. She would, however, masturbate at frustrating times. I would want to do it before going to work and she would not want to. I would go to work, come home, try again, and she would then tell me she didn't want to because she did herself after I left for work.

We had great sex up until the last few years. She then started asking me to do it without kissing her or she would tell me she will LET ME do her if I did all the work. Or she wouldn't want to do it any way other than doggy style and wanted to see how fast and/or how many times I could make her cum. But then she would say, when we were out or something, she wishes we made out more and took our time more. LOL.
Logged
Mr Hollande
*****
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 631


« Reply #46 on: October 15, 2014, 07:05:50 PM »

I have said it before in the many threads about how allegedly awesome sex is with BPD's that I've found it utterly joyless with the three BPD's I've endured sex with. There was much talk (too much talk), obsession, filth and lots and lots of pressure but very rarely any real pleasure and certainly no intimacy. My experience of sex with BPD's is that it was awful and I'm glad I'll never have sex with any of them again.

Similar to Camuse I'm having much better experiences with the current lady I'm seeing. She is plain, yes, but she is also well in the head and as such has a natural enjoyment of sex which makes it great being with her. I can't get enough of her whilst with my other BPD's I've felt like running away and hiding every time it was time.

Logged
fred6
******
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 808



« Reply #47 on: October 15, 2014, 09:38:22 PM »

I have said it before in the many threads about how allegedly awesome sex is with BPD's that I've found it utterly joyless with the three BPD's I've endured sex with. There was much talk (too much talk), obsession, filth and lots and lots of pressure but very rarely any real pleasure and certainly no intimacy. My experience of sex with BPD's is that it was awful and I'm glad I'll never have sex with any of them again.

Similar to Camuse I'm having much better experiences with the current lady I'm seeing. She is plain, yes, but she is also well in the head and as such has a natural enjoyment of sex which makes it great being with her. I can't get enough of her whilst with my other BPD's I've felt like running away and hiding every time it was time.

Simalar situation here. At first sex wasn't bad, it was just kind of odd, I knew something was kind of off. But given her history of abuse and rape I tried to understand. But as time went on the sex got less and less and she became more and more detached and emotionless. At first there was pillow talk afterwards. As time went on that became less and less also.

There was a handful of times that she seemed like she enjoyed it and actually got off. But for the most part, the most she did to participate was to rub my shoulders during the act. Not much else. It wasn't pleasant, but at my age I didn't define our relationship by the quantity or quality of sex, it was more about the person I was with. As time went on, the more she detached the more I detached. By the end of the relationship I was just getting mine and getting it over with as quickly as possible. It's kind of sad even saying that... .
Logged
hurting300
********
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 1292



« Reply #48 on: October 15, 2014, 09:51:01 PM »

Very different stories here than mine... just hours before she disappeared she wanted it bad and we did it twice...
Logged

In the eye for an eye game, he who cares least, wins. I, for one. am never stepping into the ring with someone who is impulsive and doesn't think of the downstream consequences.
Bak86
****
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 351



« Reply #49 on: October 16, 2014, 10:50:30 AM »

My ex was so contradicting when it comes to sex.

After our 4th date she said to me that it could take a year or longer to feel comfortable enough to have sex with a person and she couldn't promise we would ever have sex. She told me this was because she had to perform sexually against her will when she was young(i.e. abused or raped). She wouldn't tell me the whole story, i didn't expect her to. Anyway, naive as i was, i thought to myself "ok, this is a big deal, this girl is REALLY awesome and i would be a dick if i dump her because of this". Anyway, kissing was fine, so was everything as long as it was above the belt. She would get really aroused and she liked it rough, but when i wanted to go south, she always pulled my hand away. *graphic*One time, i actually i got my hand in her pants and she really liked it, was one of the wettest girls i've had, but after like a minute or two she would grab my hand again in panic and had my hand out of there.

She never wanted to sleep with me in a nonsexual way either. It was so weird. But i thought she would change, because i saw some progress. Oh man, how wrong i was... .

And the weirdest thing of all is, that she always talks about sex all the time at work and how she brings home men in the weekend, like it's no big deal. What the heck, you're the biggest prude i've ever met and you tell colleagues how you like it rough and dirty? LOL total mind ___
Logged
mitchell16
******
Offline Offline

Posts: 829


« Reply #50 on: October 16, 2014, 11:35:23 AM »

i think everything with BPD person is a huge contridication. I think when it comes to sex with them its even more of one.

mine said she didnt have sex with someone until she knew them, but she had sex with me on the first date.

mine said she could go months without sex but yet I had to service her twice a day every day.

she claims she could never cheat on anyone but admitted she cheated on her ex husband 3 diffrent times.

she hated porn cause of her ex husband but yet insisted upon us watching someone night.

if their lips are moving they are lying. Just my experience.
Logged
hurting300
********
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 1292



« Reply #51 on: October 16, 2014, 11:39:47 AM »

i think everything with BPD person is a huge contridication. I think when it comes to sex with them its even more of one.

mine said she didnt have sex with someone until she knew them, but she had sex with me on the first date.

mine said she could go months without sex but yet I had to service her twice a day every day.

she claims she could never cheat on anyone but admitted she cheated on her ex husband 3 diffrent times.

she hated porn cause of her ex husband but yet insisted upon us watching someone night.

if their lips are moving they are lying. Just my experience.

wow... .My ex to a tee dude. Except for the first date thing. She told me she use to not be into sex... yet two months later she said "when I'm in a relationship I could do it all day." And we did Laugh out loud (click to insert in post). They are horrible liars.
Logged

In the eye for an eye game, he who cares least, wins. I, for one. am never stepping into the ring with someone who is impulsive and doesn't think of the downstream consequences.
Mr Hollande
*****
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 631


« Reply #52 on: October 16, 2014, 12:39:39 PM »

if their lips are moving they are lying. Just my experience.

When does your BPD SO lie? Whenever their lips are moving! Laugh out loud (click to insert in post)
Logged
Indyan
******
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: separated for 15 months, court 4 months ago
Posts: 812


« Reply #53 on: October 16, 2014, 01:38:01 PM »

I'm probably going to sound alien here Laugh out loud (click to insert in post) but sex with my BPD was the best sex in my life. Just perfect... .when it happened. In the beginning (the first 3 months) frequency didn't cross my mind. But soon enough I found it was great but too rare... .about once a month. Also, it had to be when he chose to, if I tried to intitiate physical intimacy (not just sex) he would act cold and distant and make me feel like a glue.

Logged
hurting300
********
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 1292



« Reply #54 on: October 16, 2014, 02:30:08 PM »

I'm probably going to sound alien here Laugh out loud (click to insert in post) but sex with my BPD was the best sex in my life. Just perfect... .when it happened. In the beginning (the first 3 months) frequency didn't cross my mind. But soon enough I found it was great but too rare... .about once a month. Also, it had to be when he chose to, if I tried to intitiate physical intimacy (not just sex) he would act cold and distant and make me feel like a glue.

mine was the best also... she claimed to be vanilla but oh no... once I got her to open up she would explode on me. But honestly the only time I felt she loved me was while we were doing it.
Logged

In the eye for an eye game, he who cares least, wins. I, for one. am never stepping into the ring with someone who is impulsive and doesn't think of the downstream consequences.
Indyan
******
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: separated for 15 months, court 4 months ago
Posts: 812


« Reply #55 on: October 16, 2014, 02:34:46 PM »

But honestly the only time I felt she loved me was while we were doing it.

That's what I felt too these last months  :'(
Logged
fred6
******
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 808



« Reply #56 on: October 16, 2014, 02:48:40 PM »

I'm probably going to sound alien here Laugh out loud (click to insert in post) but sex with my BPD was the best sex in my life. Just perfect... .when it happened. In the beginning (the first 3 months) frequency didn't cross my mind. But soon enough I found it was great but too rare... .about once a month. Also, it had to be when he chose to, if I tried to intitiate physical intimacy (not just sex) he would act cold and distant and make me feel like a glue.

mine was the best also... she claimed to be vanilla but oh no... once I got her to open up she would explode on me. But honestly the only time I felt she loved me was while we were doing it.

Damn, I gotta get me one of those

Well, if I ever recover from this BPD steaming pile of donkey $hit that I'm dealing with right now... .
Logged
Indyan
******
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: separated for 15 months, court 4 months ago
Posts: 812


« Reply #57 on: October 16, 2014, 02:51:56 PM »

Damn, I gotta get me one of those

Gotta warn you that the price to pay his high  Smiling (click to insert in post)
Logged
Indyan
******
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: separated for 15 months, court 4 months ago
Posts: 812


« Reply #58 on: October 16, 2014, 02:59:48 PM »

Hurting, the more you talk about your ex (I don't really like that word when there is no closure... .I'd rather say "your invisible gf", the more your r/s with her looks like what I've experienced with my BPD.

In fact, had he been a girl, who knows, maybe he would have done exactly what he did (leaving suddenly and refusing to talk to me) with the baby... .precisely what he feared so much of me doing.

Anyway, time is on our side. We mustn't lose hope. I know that your situation is living hell, but there will be changes, things just can't stay the way they are.

Don't lose hope, keep contacting whoever you can contact, be confident (and you should be, you're acting with honesty), don't feel shy about insisting, shouting your rights to whoever can read or hear it (her friends... .).

You never know what may happen with a BPD person. You said she's driven past your house. She might as well come and knock one day.
Logged
Bak86
****
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 351



« Reply #59 on: October 16, 2014, 03:14:41 PM »

It still find it weird that my ex never wanted sex, from what i read here they are hypersexual in the beginning... .
Logged
Can You Help Us Stay on the Air in 2021?

Pages: 1 [2] 3  All   Go Up
  Print  
 
Jump to:  

Our 2020 Financial Sponsors
We are all appreciative of the members who provide the funding to keep BPDFamily on the air.
40days_in_desert
Ahquei3s
alphabeta
Amethyste
Angie59
ArtistGuy70
AskingWhy
assumezero
At Bay
Avanzando
Baglady
Beneck
bigredneck
Bittlecat
Boll Weevil
calmboom
Cat Familiar
Chosen
Dnmtnbkr
drained1996
Eggshellsbroken
FaintTheGoat
FaithHopeLove
FindingMe2011
Forgiveness
freespirit
GaGrl
ggGreg
Gift to Myself
gotbushels
Harri
hopeandchoices
I Am Redeemed
Imatter33
Jazzy48
jdc
jones54
Jonthan
Katrinalove
Kwamina
l8kgrl
LLgreen
Longterm
lorymac
lovenature
loyalwife
lucidone
Manifest32f
MariannaR
Meridius
Methuen
mgirl
Minttea
Mommydoc
Mutt
narcdaughter2
needPeace
NorseWoman
Notgoneyet
oceanheart
oftentimes
Omega1
once removed
Only Human
otherlife
palynne
PeacefulMom
Pedro
pest947
podsnapG
ProudDad12
pursuingJoy
Radcliff
Raul
Recycle
Resiliant
Rev
Rosheger
Sad4Her
SamwizeGamgee
Sandalwood
SBBayArea
SCM
SerendipityChild
SES
Silverhope
Skip
songbirdtwo
StillStuck
Swimmy55
Teno
townhouse
truthbeknown
turtleengine501
Ventak
vinnie77
Violet00
wavewatcher
wendydarling
WhatJustHappened?
Whichwayisup
whirlpoollife
Wicker Man
WindofChange
worn_out
WTL
zachira
zaqsert

Powered by MySQL Powered by PHP Powered by SMF 1.1.21 | SMF © 2006-2020, Simple Machines Valid XHTML 1.0! Valid CSS!