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Author Topic: What do they do when they are alone ?  (Read 651 times)
In Pain
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« on: October 11, 2014, 01:54:09 AM »

So I have a question.

I've read so much on this issue and the behaviour.

The addictions as well.

So if I put a camera in my ex BPD GF's apt... .

Would I see her lying around the house, maybe alone, on a Saturday afternoon, drinking vodka all day long. In a funk, numbing the emotional pain away.

FYI... .Early in our relationship I brought over a large bottle of kettle one vodka. 8 days later I went to make myself a drink and the bottle was gone. I don't know if it was consumed over 8 days or 1 day !

I have a hard time imagining anyone just sitting around drinking their life away.

But I know it's done every day by BPD's and non BPD's alike.

So sad.
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nevertheless

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« Reply #1 on: October 11, 2014, 02:33:36 AM »

I don't think they are ever alone. Mine couldn't stand being alone. He would call people get on the internet looking up dating sites, even tho we were in a relationship Laugh out loud (click to insert in post) would listen to books , text people... .Basically can't relax. It was exhausting to watch him go and go. I think they have to just be doing something all the time
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Infern0
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« Reply #2 on: October 11, 2014, 02:53:57 AM »

Facebook,  texting,  on the phone etc etc etc.

Mine used to send mass texts like "what are you doing tonight?" To like everyone in her phone.

It didn't matter who would give her attention, just as long as someone would.

This is what can lead to recycles even in crazy situations,  if there's nobody else avaliable you might get the call!
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Blimblam
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« Reply #3 on: October 11, 2014, 04:04:41 AM »

Facebook,  texting,  on the phone etc etc etc.

Mine used to send mass texts like "what are you doing tonight?" To like everyone in her phone.

It didn't matter who would give her attention, just as long as someone would.

This is what can lead to recycles even in crazy situations,  if there's nobody else avaliable you might get the call!

Oh man my ex started pulling that crap too.  It really posed me off she used snap hat and she deleted me from it. My ex pretty hot with a porn star body so she has no shortage of supply. It pisses me off because I saw her put on the mask with these people. I had so carefully worked for her trust too.
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Climbmountains91
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« Reply #4 on: October 11, 2014, 04:48:19 AM »

My ex exBPDbf loves being alone, he loves his own space where he's not told what to do from "authority figures" so he can do what he wants. He can never wait to get back to his flat. As far as i know he's either on the Xbox, computer games (as this escapes him from the world) Skype, watching documentaries & boxset series, reading up about depression for hours and hours, drinking every single night, but sometimes like at the stage he's at now he has days where he wants to be around people, he wants that supply so he goes out drinking etc... Reckless behaviour.
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Bak86
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« Reply #5 on: October 11, 2014, 05:20:50 AM »

My ex loves being alone. She's a bit of a hermit. When she has too many social events in one week, she will deplete all of her energy. Loves to read a lot, watch tv series, listen to music. Nothing out of the ordinary, apart from sleep. She sleeps A LOT during the weekends. Like 12/14 hours 
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Chunk Palumbo
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« Reply #6 on: October 11, 2014, 05:55:51 AM »

Facebook,  texting,  on the phone etc etc etc.

Mine used to send mass texts like "what are you doing tonight?" To like everyone in her phone.

It didn't matter who would give her attention, just as long as someone would.

This is what can lead to recycles even in crazy situations,  if there's nobody else avaliable you might get the call!

Yep. They keep orbiters around for this specfic purpose.
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Indyan
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« Reply #7 on: October 11, 2014, 06:38:46 AM »

In April, after BPDh really started dysregulating, I left for a 3 day week-end with the kids.

I expected BPDh to do all the things he loves doing so much : play video games, watch movies... .

I looked at his history... .and yes he had played games and watched online movies, but he stopped at a reasonable time and SLEPT!

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In Pain
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« Reply #8 on: October 11, 2014, 07:38:48 AM »

Is the sleeping depression ?

Mine says she stays at home watching movies, which I believe. She also does go out with friends and a date or two, or three or four ! LOL

While we were dating she did go out for nice dinners with new dates... .And THEN come over to my place by 9 pm.

Screwball !
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Indyan
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« Reply #9 on: October 11, 2014, 09:31:39 AM »

Yes, for my BPD it is. Everytime he gets depressed he spends lots and lots of time in bed, the entire week-end even, which drove me crazy at times with 2 kids and a house to deal with... .

Dysphoria time.

I wish I was allowed for some dysphoria time too.
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WhatTheFrank
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« Reply #10 on: October 11, 2014, 11:32:58 AM »

Manufacture fantasies of how you are betraying them when you aren't with them.

I swear once the clinger phase started, and before we moved in together, if we spent two days apart, day 3 was going to be crazy town.
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Mermaid lover

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« Reply #11 on: October 11, 2014, 06:45:04 PM »

My exbp would sleep alottttt - he did have depression too. He would also drink a lot when he was awake and He too, did the mass texting. I checked our joint bill a couple times, when we weren't on speaking terms and he would text from the morning he woke up to the time he went to bed! Not normal.

He would do the mass texting as well. I guess to see, who was available to meet... and if no one was because idk regular ppl have LIVES and/or a significant other to spend time with... .he would continue texts to anyone and everyone. There were texts there from ppl he NEVER spoke to.

So yea, they contact anyone so they don't feel their emptiness and loneliness. Its a little sad. But screw my ex ass since he's the one that left the relationship. Now his dumbest is scrambling to find somoen to give him time. 
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drummerboy
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« Reply #12 on: October 11, 2014, 06:58:58 PM »

My ex HATED being alone, it seems a very common BPD trait. The first night she was alone in my house (I was working) she phoned constantly saying she was sure someone was outside trying to break in and rape her. I got home at 2.00am and every light in the house was on. She was asleep and screamed when I got into bed with her. She was a social media addict too.
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Hurtbeyondrepair27
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« Reply #13 on: October 12, 2014, 09:45:41 AM »

Watching porn or looking up naked women for hours. masterbating for hours on emd. facebooking for hours and sleeping 14/15 hours out of the day. he lives with his parents again. the life man...
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KeepOnGoing
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« Reply #14 on: October 12, 2014, 10:06:53 AM »

My ex loves being alone. She's a bit of a hermit. When she has too many social events in one week, she will deplete all of her energy. Loves to read a lot, watch tv series, listen to music. Nothing out of the ordinary, apart from sleep. She sleeps A LOT during the weekends. Like 12/14 hours 

Amen. Mine exactly.

My first response to this thread was, "Who cares! Let's get on with our lives!" Yet I understand the need to understand.

Let's all make a pledge for the next four hours of this glorious weekend to get out and do something FUN for ourselves and stop obsessing on our BPD and what they are doing or it doing. Who's with me? I'm putting the device down. See ya later!      Being cool (click to insert in post)
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Lion Fire
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« Reply #15 on: October 12, 2014, 10:31:15 AM »

fb, texting, cleaning furiously and endlessly, chores, watching  series, like most people... .and masturbating  Smiling (click to insert in post) She told me she would sometimes masturbate all day, dozens of times... whoaaah  Smiling (click to insert in post)

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Mr Hollande
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« Reply #16 on: October 12, 2014, 10:55:43 PM »

She told me she would sometimes masturbate all day, dozens of times... whoaaah  Smiling (click to insert in post)

Mine did that when I was around. I'd wake up in the middle of the night of her climaxing or walk into the bedroom and she'd be there rubbing herself off. Like a Bonobo. I found it more and more disturbing and disgusting as time went on.
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Bak86
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« Reply #17 on: October 13, 2014, 09:52:46 AM »

She told me she would sometimes masturbate all day, dozens of times... whoaaah  Smiling (click to insert in post)

Mine did that when I was around. I'd wake up in the middle of the night of her climaxing or walk into the bedroom and she'd be there rubbing herself off. Like a Bonobo. I found it more and more disturbing and disgusting as time went on.

This post made me  Laugh out loud (click to insert in post)
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camuse
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« Reply #18 on: October 13, 2014, 10:21:04 AM »

Mine would actually book meeting rooms at work so she could masturbate during the day.

I think masturbation/orgasm is just another way to ease their pain.
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Hurtbeyondrepair27
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« Reply #19 on: October 13, 2014, 10:22:29 AM »

She told me she would sometimes masturbate all day, dozens of times... whoaaah  Smiling (click to insert in post)

Mine did that when I was around. I'd wake up in the middle of the night of her climaxing or walk into the bedroom and she'd be there rubbing herself off. Like a Bonobo. I found it more and more disturbing and disgusting as time went on.

i would wake up in the middle of the night he would be masterbating several times

or masterbating on me... .with my clothes half off.

is this normal?
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Algae
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« Reply #20 on: October 13, 2014, 10:30:56 AM »

Mine would actually book meeting rooms at work so she could masturbate during the day.

I think masturbation/orgasm is just another way to ease their pain.

I think that's rather odd because mine would often identify herself as asexual and would refrain from doing ANY of that stuff.  I'm pretty sure you it's just a human trait you're pointing out and not a BPD trait
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fred6
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« Reply #21 on: October 13, 2014, 10:46:02 AM »

Mine would actually book meeting rooms at work so she could masturbate during the day.

I think masturbation/orgasm is just another way to ease their pain.

I think that's rather odd because mine would often identify herself as asexual and would refrain from doing ANY of that stuff.  I'm pretty sure you it's just a human trait you're pointing out and not a BPD trait

Mine said she was asexual in not so many words. "Sex means nothing to me" and "I'll go the rest of my life without sex and it's ok with me". Funny that she never told me that in the 1st year of the relationship. Those words also didn't stop her from cheating on me with Rocky, that meth head looking guy down the street. So I don't really know how true it actually was that sex meant nothing to her. She always did bring up her promiscuous sexual past. I never caught her masturbating, I don't think that she ever did but I could be wrong. Then again, she never caught me either and that's kind of surprising since that was 90% of my sexual activity in the last 9 months of our relationship. But maybe she was cheating much longer than I know about and therefore she didn't need to masturbate.
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Bak86
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« Reply #22 on: October 13, 2014, 10:50:21 AM »

I don't even know if my ex is asexual or not.

She always has big talk about sex, but when it comes down to it, she never wants it.
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Mr Hollande
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« Reply #23 on: October 13, 2014, 10:59:04 AM »

She told me she would sometimes masturbate all day, dozens of times... whoaaah  Smiling (click to insert in post)

Mine did that when I was around. I'd wake up in the middle of the night of her climaxing or walk into the bedroom and she'd be there rubbing herself off. Like a Bonobo. I found it more and more disturbing and disgusting as time went on.

i would wake up in the middle of the night he would be masterbating several times

or masterbating on me... .with my clothes half off.

is this normal?

Maybe he was just really happy to see you?  Smiling (click to insert in post)

Please forgive my crude humour. Too good to pass for my taste for the puerile. No, what he did is not normal. It's ___ed up beyond repair.

Like Camuse said I think it's just another way for them to ease the pain. Be it booze, drugs, cutting themselves, shoppping or sex they'll reach for anything and do it beyond excess.
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fred6
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« Reply #24 on: October 13, 2014, 11:03:00 AM »

[q
I think masturbation/orgasm is just another way to ease their pain.

Another funny thing was that in the whole 3 years she never once initiated sex with me. She also never made any sounds during sex or when she had an orgasm. She also never said anything during sex. Actually, no nothing. When she did let me have sex with her, she just kind of let me do my thing. Just laid there kind of detached and "in another world". The best way I can explain it is that she kind of looked like she might as well be getting a root canal or doing laundry. Just kind of weird. I think that's why she's in my head so much. I wanted intimacy so badly with this person and only got barely enough to keep me around. I somehow think that makes me want it even more. You always want what you can't have.
I don't even know if my ex is asexual or not.

She always has big talk about sex, but when it comes down to it, she never wants it.

Yeah, mine always talked about sex and her prior conquests. But it wasn't ever details about the sex or anything graphic. Just about all the guys she has screwed. She also had a problem with porn. I'm not a big porn person, but I'm not really against it either. In her words, "It's sick". My uxBPDgf portrays having issues with sex. However she doesn't have a problem sleeping around or bragging about any of it. Like I said, it's weird. Nothing she says is congruent when it comes to sex. I tried to ask her about it a couple times and she said, "You'll never understand". Well played ma'am. You are correct, I will never understand!
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Lion Fire
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« Reply #25 on: October 13, 2014, 11:31:58 AM »

When we were in different countries, she would either text me or skype me from work and tell me she had to find a place to masturbate several times a day. This happened often. I was in the early dreamy stage so I thought... ."cool"  Smiling (click to insert in post) She only held that job down for 3 months before leaving under a cloud. One day she texted me from her fitness club to tell me she had six orgasms in her workout session. I was trying to work out how she got that right and what it looked like... .again, I thought... "cool"  Smiling (click to insert in post)

Orgasm is definitely a release and escape for her, she told me.
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tinkerbellsmom

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« Reply #26 on: October 13, 2014, 02:04:28 PM »

My dd won't be alone for a single second, and will do (and has done) almost anything not to.  She will contact the wierdest people on the internet!  I on the other hand love to be alone.  It is one of the biggest differences in our lifestyles that cause us not to understand each other at all. 
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Hurtbeyondrepair27
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« Reply #27 on: October 13, 2014, 02:53:51 PM »

She told me she would sometimes masturbate all day, dozens of times... whoaaah  Smiling (click to insert in post)

Mine did that when I was around. I'd wake up in the middle of the night of her



climaxing or walk into the bedroom and she'd be there rubbing herself off. Like a Bonobo. I found it more and more disturbing and disgusting as time went on.

i would wake up in the middle of the night he would be masterbating several times

or masterbating on me... .with my clothes half off.

is this normal?

Maybe he was just really happy to see you?  Smiling (click to insert in post)

Please forgive my crude humour. Too good to pass for my taste for the puerile. No, what he did is not normal. It's ___ed up beyond repair.

Like Camuse said I think it's just another way for them to ease the pain. Be it booze,



drugs, cutting themselves, shoppping or sex they'll reach for anything and do it beyond excess.

he would say sorry i didnt mean to wake you!

Laugh out loud (click to insert in post) but i had to take care of business...

i think he got off on me sleeping while he did it or something.
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« Reply #28 on: October 13, 2014, 03:42:29 PM »

Mine like to be alone or just with her dysfunctional family. If she was alone she would sleep a lot or watch tv and drink. She also had ocd so she would clean a lot. Sleeping she did a lot off. When she was with her family they would all sit around and drink till they started passing out. I guess she didn't mind being with certain people (her dysfunctional family) she just didn't want to be with me.
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« Reply #29 on: October 13, 2014, 03:55:31 PM »

I don't know what they do, but I would assume that when they weren't triggered (dysregulated) they probably did what most people do.  When they are in their stressed states they are probably sleeping and/or trying to connect with old or new supplies or at least checking up on them.  My ex watched a ton of movies, especially the weird fantasy ones. (who knows if she was alone, Laugh out loud (click to insert in post)!)
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