I want to break NC

[Chasing_Ghosts]

So ive been no contact now for almost 2 weeks. She contacted wed/thurs. I got emotional so i didnt respond due to her sending picture of us as a couple. Also her selfishness fueled my resolve to not respond.

She left off 4 days ago now with "stop ignoring me!"

Well ive been thinking and i want to break nc... only to leave a message. Really just telling her that i wish her the best in life but that i cant continue contact for now. That maybe it will take losing me for her to realize she needs help.(since im the only true stability she has in her life) And that i will always love her but im not loving either of us if i continue to stick around. That if she does one day truly decide to get help that ill be there for her to support her. Or thinking about just sending her a song for closure on my end.

Do either of these sound viable... cant tell if its guilt or just my love trying to show her some decency.

Idk I hate feeling like im "ignoring her".

*sigh*

[Mutt]

When did she send the pictures as a couple? After or before she said stop ignoring me.

She's trying to break through your defenses ( boundaries ).

[fromheeltoheal]

It depends how you left it when you left.  If you do feel like you're ignoring her because of how things went down, sending her a message saying that you don't want to and are not going to communicate with her right now will make it clear you aren't just ignoring her.  But whatever you do, do it for you, and no sentimentality, which will only open a door.  And don't expect it to end there, she'll probably still try; have a plan for that too.

[Chasing_Ghosts]

When did she send the pictures as a couple? After or before she said stop ignoring me.

She's trying to break through your defenses ( boundaries ).

She sent the pictures before. I was hurt and emotional. I was actually about to respond. But then she sent the stop ignoring me!

So i realized after being emotional that i what i was about to send was me suppressing emotions again which i know isnt healthy because i was upset yet i was sending a happy and fun message. Which in no way reflected my actual feelings.

It depends how you left it when you left.  If you do feel like you're ignoring her because of how things went down, sending her a message saying that you don't want to and are not going to communicate with her right now will make it clear you aren't just ignoring her.  But whatever you do, do it for you, and no sentimentality, which will only open a door.  And don't expect it to end there, she'll probably still try; have a plan for that too.

I havent responded and when i left things 2 weeks ago i was light and fun. Our last interaction was positive.

I know this will open a door for communication regardless as she will as you said probably tryn contact me.

Still unsure of how to go about this.

[fromheeltoheal]

Still unsure of how to go about this.

Time to decide what you really want and act accordingly, even if that requires you to create some courage and communicate honestly with her.  I know it's difficult, but you will feel better later, having done the right thing.

[Chasing_Ghosts]

Still unsure of how to go about this.

Time to decide what you really want and act accordingly, even if that requires you to create some courage and communicate honestly with her.  I know it's difficult, but you will feel better later, having done the right thing.

Spot on as always heel!

I will do the right thing and tell her the truth. I need to lead by example.

[Hadlee]

Good luck Chasing_Ghosts 

[peiper]

Could feel good for awhile.  But remember the past. Past behavior is indicative of future behavior my friend.A leopard doesn't change its spots.

[Infern0]

Tell the truth bro. Just explain things.  Who knows one day when she gets help she might think back and be like yeah he did the right thing by me. Regardless any person deserves a explanation for why someone is going no contact.

[Chasing_Ghosts]

So ive decided if she wants to keep LC i think ill be fine (she only texts me minimally like every week and a half- 2 weeks) and if not thats fine too. Im over the idea of us having an intimate relationship and im investing in me now. This is what i resolved in stepping back and taking space from the situation.

How does this look?


hey *BPD*, im sorry if you feel like i was ignoring you. those pictures of us you sent caused some unresolved feelings to come up. i dont blame you in anyway as im sure that wasnt youre intent. i needed some space to work through this. hope you had a happy thanksgiving.    

*or*

hey *BPD*, im sorry if you feel like i was ignoring you. ive been going through alot lately. kinda just needed space from everyone so its nothing against you. i just didnt want my emotions to get the best of me with contact, as i know youve been going through alot yourself. hope you had a happy thanksgiving.

Ones more specific while the other is vague. Which do you think shell respond better to?

Thoughts?

[DangIthurts]

So ive decided if she wants to keep LC i think ill be fine (she only texts me minimally like every week and a half- 2 weeks) and if not thats fine too. Im over the idea of us having an intimate relationship and im investing in me now. This is what i resolved in stepping back and taking space from the situation.

How does this look?


hey *BPD*, im sorry if you feel like i was ignoring you. those pictures of us you sent caused some unresolved feelings to come up. i dont blame you in anyway as im sure that wasnt youre intent. i needed some space to work through this. hope you had a happy thanksgiving.    

*or*

hey *BPD*, im sorry if you feel like i was ignoring you. ive been going through alot lately. kinda just needed space from everyone so its nothing against you. i just didnt want my emotions to get the best of me with contact, as i know youve been going through alot yourself. hope you had a happy thanksgiving.

Ones more specific while the other is vague. Which do you think shell respond better to?

Thoughts?

You'd have to be really detached to try a friendship/ limited contact. I think I'm good each time and poof I get pummeled by something she says, granted up-until this last encounter that had been entirely my doing.

My point is just by coming here you're already confused so I don't see contact helping that. Unless you're ready to try again with a known BPD.

[Infern0]

Dude I know your story more than most.  I don't think LC is going to help,  just my two cents

[Chasing_Ghosts]

Thanks guys,

Your right. Im just struggling. I keep tottering between keeping her in my life as a small part and just telling her i need space.

Space would be healthy. Contact even low would just be feeding my addiction.

Its just so hard to cut her off completely. This is truly the single most challenging decision i ever have had to make.

But it must be made...

[DangIthurts]

Thanks guys,

Your right. Im just struggling. I keep tottering between keeping her in my life as a small part and just telling her i need space.

Space would be healthy. Contact even low would just be feeding my addiction.

Its just so hard to cut her off completely. This is truly the single most challenging decision i ever have had to make.

But it must be made...

Most will advise to hit the ground running and never look back. And I agree, especially having detached a little.

But personally whatever is inside of you that wants to try [like me, but if I were in your shoes I'd be all ready deep back in it]... .You gotta figure out what for. I don't know what kind of PD she has or how she acts, but mine wouldn't let me be half in half out. It was all or nothing. So maybe she can stand doing limited contact, just remember the string can get pulled both ways, you may not care now, but you could find yourself in a few months caring a lot at which time she's found her next man and you're basically relegated to less than nothing.

This will be my 6th week without constant daily contact, and it has subsided you are very early on.

[fromheeltoheal]

Its just so hard to cut her off completely.

Because that would mean you entirely let go of the hope that a relationship could work out.  There's a big gap between a tiny shred of hope and no hope at all, and letting go is painful.

And a reframe might help: let go of the hope with her, but keep that hope fully alive for you, the girl of your dreams, and a healthy, long-term relationship.  That's a big step too, but at least you get to not only keep that hope, but make it big and bright and let it shine all over when you're ready, and the right girl will shine back.  Take care of you!

[Infern0]

The thing is any kind of contact is damaging at this stage.

I thought I could control it when I went back in to just be friends but they put ideas in your head,  before you know it you get the obsessive thinking going again and you have a problem.

It's just unhealthy

I have got to the point now where I KNOW she isn't the person I belived she was,  not even close.  She's a nasty, lying,  cheating,  manipulative little slut. That's what she is.

So what am I even trying to achieve anymore?  My only answer is that she has broken me,  actually broken me to the point where I'm somehow reliant on little piecemeal bits of acknowledgement from her to make life worth living.  How sad.

I'm trying to escape

[fromheeltoheal]

And at some point, when the relationship was in a tailspin, we stopped being the soother to emotional triggers and became the trigger.  Climbing out from there to become 'friends' just takes too damn much digging, better to start over on solid ground.

[Mutt]

You could send a message that may work to communicate in way she understands a little easier?

SET. Support. Empathy. Truth.

I understand. Feelings can be hurt when we don't hear back from someone. Pictures are difficult. I'm sorry I need space. I wish you happy holidays.

--Chasing _Ghosts

pwBPD need a lot of validation and feelings are facts. You could send a short message in SET format or not. I don't think there's a right or wrong. You could JADE as well. Holidays are coming up also. Maybe it'll give some peace of mind?