Did your ex talk about their ex?

[Beware of Junk Psychology...]

I was painted white months ago.  When were together, I heard about the exes all the time... .good and bad stuff.  I have to think my replacement must be tired of hearing about me.

[Hawk Ridge]

I was painted white months ago.  When were together, I heard about the exes all the time... .good and bad stuff.  I have to think my replacement must be tired of hearing about me.

[Turkish]

I was painted white months ago.  When were together, I heard about the exes all the time... .good and bad stuff.  I have to think my replacement must be tired of hearing about me.

In month 2/4 while she was still living with me, I asked her what she was saying about me to him. She replied, "to be honest, we don't talk about you much." I felt kind of insulted, .

[DangIthurts]

I was painted white months ago.  When were together, I heard about the exes all the time... .good and bad stuff.  I have to think my replacement must be tired of hearing about me.

Thats one thing I never said but often thought was geez I don't care what he did because it was constant good or bad. So I can only imagine what it'll be like for the replacement .

I was painted white months ago.  When were together, I heard about the exes all the time... .good and bad stuff.  I have to think my replacement must be tired of hearing about me.

In month 2/4 while she was still living with me, I asked her what she was saying about me to him. She replied, "to be honest, we don't talk about you much." I felt kind of insulted, .

could it have been still during the honeymoon phase?

[Turkish]

I was painted white months ago.  When were together, I heard about the exes all the time... .good and bad stuff.  I have to think my replacement must be tired of hearing about me.

In month 2/4 while she was still living with me, I asked her what she was saying about me to him. She replied, "to be honest, we don't talk about you much." I felt kind of insulted, .

could it have been still during the honeymoon phase?

Still in it as far as I can tell, though I can tell her depression's been triggered lately. Though I'm sure they spend as much time together as possible, they still don't live together, 9 months after her being out. That changes everything. Being an accessory hanging out with the kids and her a few days per week isn't helping take care of them either. I foresee this r/s lasting for a while if they don't live together. She's aware of her issues and trying hard. The hard thing for me to accept is that if he keeps soothing her, it makes things easier on the kids and also me, as much as I want them to break up and she move on to "anybody but the homewrecker."

I feel like I'm being tested   

[DangIthurts]

I was painted white months ago.  When were together, I heard about the exes all the time... .good and bad stuff.  I have to think my replacement must be tired of hearing about me.

In month 2/4 while she was still living with me, I asked her what she was saying about me to him. She replied, "to be honest, we don't talk about you much." I felt kind of insulted, .

could it have been still during the honeymoon phase?

Still in it as far as I can tell, though I can tell her depression's been triggered lately. Though I'm sure they spend as much time together as possible, they still don't live together, 9 months after her being out. That changes everything. Being an accessory hanging out with the kids and her a few days per week isn't helping take care of them either. I foresee this r/s lasting for a while if they don't live together. She's aware of her issues and trying hard. The hard thing for me to accept is that if he keeps soothing her, it makes things easier on the kids and also me, as much as I want them to break up and she move on to "anybody but the homewrecker."

I feel like I'm being tested   

Yeah I didn't hear much about him that early on. Occasionally but he came up more and more in good light as it got bad... I'm sure once it goes bad he'll hear about you

Thats the one thing being here doesn't help knowing they can attach for YEARS if need be. If it was every few months like clockwork I'd be far more cool with it, but knowing this replacement could make it much longer than me... .That bothers me a bit.

Oh and you have my sympathy as good a boy as I think I am, I don't think I could do what you're doing.

[enlighten me]

This is something I have been wondering about. Does living together speed up the devaluing process quicker. My ex gf said before we broke up "we should never of moved in I was happy just f ing you" I know realise that keeping the mask on must have been tireing for her. But on the other hand does not being around increase their abandonment fears?

[peiper]

This is something I have been wondering about. Does living together speed up the devaluing process quicker. My ex gf said before we broke up "we should never of moved in I was happy just f ing you" I know realise that keeping the mask on must have been tireing for her. But on the other hand does not being around increase their abandonment fears?

I think it really does. We had some rifts before she moved in but nothing like what happened after she was here.

[Xidion]

This is something I have been wondering about. Does living together speed up the devaluing process quicker. My ex gf said before we broke up "we should never of moved in I was happy just f ing you" I know realise that keeping the mask on must have been tireing for her. But on the other hand does not being around increase their abandonment fears?

I think it really does. We had some rifts before she moved in but nothing like what happened after she was here.

1 year and 4 moths with my exuBPD... .we had some rocky times, but it wasnt until we moved in until things got REAL bad. That's when they see all the things you do and can really start to devalue you. You are no longer their idealized image... you're just a normal person with some bad habits that they ALWAYS find in you. I hope my exuBPD moves in with her new supply fast so she starts contacting me again and i can tell her to shove it.

[harbour]

He did show me nude pictures of his "special" ex, which was a bit awkward.

He had the same sort of outlook on women, too. He was just fascinated by women, loved women, thought women were these fantastical, magical creatures... .whom he also wanted to break, control, and abuse.

Mine too showed me a nude photo of his ex. His walls were covered with photos, and among them photos of his ex'es (not nude). He talked about them as if he had never really let go of them. He said that his ex'es, his current and potential female friends and female idols etc. were his flower meadow. So now he has probably added my image (not me, I'm out) to his meadow. And sooner or later he will pick another "flower" to control and abuse. Wish I could warn that "flower".

[peiper]

This is something I have been wondering about. Does living together speed up the devaluing process quicker. My ex gf said before we broke up "we should never of moved in I was happy just f ing you" I know realise that keeping the mask on must have been tireing for her. But on the other hand does not being around increase their abandonment fears?

I think it really does. We had some rifts before she moved in but nothing like what happened after she was here.

1 year and 4 moths with my exuBPD... .we had some rocky times, but it wasnt until we moved in until things got REAL bad. That's when they see all the things you do and can really start to devalue you. You are no longer their idealized image... you're just a normal person with some bad habits that they ALWAYS find in you. I hope my exuBPD moves in with her new supply fast so she starts contacting me again and i can tell her to shove it.

Mine did move in with my replacement. Living in his motor home. Going to make sulking in the bedroom kinda tough. I bet that's a real love nest. If their even still together.

[Trog]

Yes, she bored me with tales of her exes all the time, it used to make me quite angry in the beginning, I am not interested in the family history of her exes but she'd tell me every boring detail of these peoples lives whom I'd never met. I dont understand why she spoke to me about it all the time and I never responded so she was just having conversations with herself.

[HappyNihilist]

He did show me nude pictures of his "special" ex, which was a bit awkward.

He had the same sort of outlook on women, too. He was just fascinated by women, loved women, thought women were these fantastical, magical creatures... .whom he also wanted to break, control, and abuse.

Mine too showed me a nude photo of his ex. His walls were covered with photos, and among them photos of his ex'es (not nude). He talked about them as if he had never really let go of them. He said that his ex'es, his current and potential female friends and female idols etc. were his flower meadow. So now he has probably added my image (not me, I'm out) to his meadow. And sooner or later he will pick another "flower" to control and abuse. Wish I could warn that "flower".

Our exes sound eerily similar in personality, harbour. I wish I could warn mine's current/next victim, too.

I am not interested in the family history of her exes but she'd tell me every boring detail of these peoples lives whom I'd never met.

My exBPDbf didn't do this, but I had a previous ex (later diagnosed BPD) who did. Sometimes it was like he had nothing else to talk about except the life histories of people he'd banged. At one point I asked him to stop talking about them, and he teased me about being jealous, and I said, "I'm not jealous, I just don't care." That went over well.  

[DangIthurts]

^

Thats why I'd just nod and try to switch the topic, I knew no good could come of saying I don't care .

[Blimblam]

Yeah my ex talked about her exs in her mind it seemed like they were dysfunctional family members. The ones that didn't really love her were like brothers and sisters and the ones that did were like parental figures.

[Faith1520]

He only spoke negatively about one of his exes (the most recent one) From the things he'd told me about her, she didn't sound like the most emotionally stable person herself... .and other than distorting reality (which I know some people look at as a lie) I don't believe he's ever lied to me... .call me naive but that was one thing I felt was strong between us the entire time. I think she was probably immature and maybe even had her own mental issues. I imagine when they argued she gave all the yelling, devaluing, belittling, and name calling right back to him... .which I imagine made relationship even more dysfunctional and tumultuous. I think she challenged him more, talked back, let her anger get away from her. Things that I rarely did. Knowing what I know now, I'm sure he had a lot more to do with the failed relationship than he realized at the time. Towards the end he even admitted the very same thing to me. These moments of clarity with him are what really blows my mind in trying to figure out his irrational side.

He didn't speak poorly about any of his other exes. He did say that he was always the one broken up with except for one instance in which he realized he was never in love with the girl. He always told me (even while splitting me black) that he'd never leave me because he doesn't give up on things. While I believed it was sad but true that he would never leave me the rest of the statement was a guilt trip ('I'll never give up on you, but you would give up on me... .'

[peiper]

It's all part of their" I'm a poor victim" brainwashing that they give us. It plays on our need to rescue and our sympathy. And also builds trust in us for them sharing something so intimate. Plus never is anything their fault.

[evilpepsi]

This is something I have been wondering about. Does living together speed up the devaluing process quicker. My ex gf said before we broke up "we should never of moved in I was happy just f ing you" I know realise that keeping the mask on must have been tireing for her. But on the other hand does not being around increase their abandonment fears?

I think it really does. We had some rifts before she moved in but nothing like what happened after she was here.

same here

[parisian]

This is something I have been wondering about. Does living together speed up the devaluing process quicker. My ex gf said before we broke up "we should never of moved in I was happy just f ing you" I know realise that keeping the mask on must have been tireing for her. But on the other hand does not being around increase their abandonment fears?

I realise this is off topic... .

I never had ANY intention of moving in with mine, nor for her with me. She had her own well established place (owned with her ex for 6 years before they split), and I had just bought my own house. I will not move in with anyone unless we've gone out for at least 2 years, and now I have my own place again, I might never do that.

Having my own place I think stopped me becoming a complete basket case - at least I got three nights a week alone. I hate to think what it would have been like had we lived together.

Her mask only came off when she was at home, with me. Everyone else got the charmer face and personality. I can only imagine from some of the stories on here how awful that might have been  - a 24/7 opportunity to criticise, belittle and rage more. No thanks.  

[Deeno02]

This is something I have been wondering about. Does living together speed up the devaluing process quicker. My ex gf said before we broke up "we should never of moved in I was happy just f ing you" I know realise that keeping the mask on must have been tireing for her. But on the other hand does not being around increase their abandonment fears?

I realise this is off topic... .

I never had ANY intention of moving in with mine, nor for her with me. She had her own well established place (owned with her ex for 6 years before they split), and I had just bought my own house. I will not move in with anyone unless we've gone out for at least 2 years, and now I have my own place again, I might never do that.

Having my own place I think stopped me becoming a complete basket case - at least I got three nights a week alone. I hate to think what it would have been like had we lived together.

Her mask only came off when she was at home, with me. Everyone else got the charmer face and personality. I can only imagine from some of the stories on here how awful that might have been  - a 24/7 opportunity to criticise, belittle and rage more. No thanks.  

I dont think its off topic. She had her own house (she had 5 kids) that was in foreclosure. It became a sticking point with us because I wanted to help her try and find a new place within the same school district and such. She would get so damn angry at me for trying to help. Seems like she tried her best to ignore the problem. Living with me wasnt an option as my house had only 3 beds and, frankly wouldnt have accomadated 7 kids(I have 2, one in college, one in HS still living with me). I couldnt sell my place because of my HS kid and, of course, the economy for the housing market. As our r/s progressed, we did talk about moving in with each other, but that was way down the line, like when my daughter and son graduate and her eldest graduated. We are talking some 3 years until that would happen. Of course, the fact that I had kids still living with me, lawn to mow, house to clean, pool to maintain etc. cut into her time with me and she didnt like that either. Kept saying how I avoided her. Her schedule was craptastic with volleyball practice, all weekend tournaments, travel soccer schedules of her kids, but yet, my house and kids were the issue.

Thank god I had my own house to come home to when the devaluation began in earnest.  Another issue was that I never stayed overnight. I felt it disrespectful to her kids and mine that some dude would be waking up in her bed. 3 of her kids were kid of young still, so they spent alot of time in her bed with her in the evening. I did stay over, but left early so the kids wouldnt see me. I mean, I know its nothing, but its my sense of honor in it all. I didnt think it was appropriate yet. When the kids were gone, no problem. I stayed until morning, went to my house 4 blocks away, showered up and came back and we would go to breakfest or something. Funny, she made such an issue of me not staying over, but yet, she wouldnt stay at mine. Funny how that worked out. Do as I say, not as I do.

[enlighten me]

Deeno a very similar situation to me. When we eventually moved in together it was amazing how quick my kids became a problem to her as they took attention from her. She would organise parties for friday evening when she knew I would be travelling for hours to get my boys. She would then blame me for never helping or organising not to be there.

As for exs mine constantly talked about hers. Nearly all fond memories apart from a few that were of bad things her exs supposedly did. I was self conscious as she seemed to pick all the best bits about them to belittle me with. Almost as if she had made up her perfect man with all the things she liked and I was supposed to live up to it.

[Deeno02]

Deeno a very similar situation to me. When we eventually moved in together it was amazing how quick my kids became a problem to her as they took attention from her. She would organise parties for friday evening when she knew I would be travelling for hours to get my boys. She would then blame me for never helping or organising not to be there.

As for exs mine constantly talked about hers. Nearly all fond memories apart from a few that were of bad things her exs supposedly did. I was self conscious as she seemed to pick all the best bits about them to belittle me with. Almost as if she had made up her perfect man with all the things she liked and I was supposed to live up to it.

Yep. She would go on about how she built her ex into the super executive that makes 15g's a month. Its funny, but when the ___ hit the fan, she was so quick to point out how I wasnt over my ex wife. It was weird because I only talked to my ex via text. Meanwhile, I would catch hell from her because shes stalking her ex on FB, Instagram, Twitter and Vine, b___ing about who he was with, how much he spent, where he ate... etc. Yet I wasnt over my ex? Far as I know she still does. Wonder how that sits with the new guy?