You should not have to read books and articles and join support groups in order to learn how to "communicate" with your partner. No relationship should be that hard. This is classic codependency, my friend -taking responsibility for her problems, being her rescuer. Naturally, this is why you feel like it is all your fault. She gets to be anything she wants, but you have to be Mr. Hero who is expected to carry the consequences for her behavior and find a way to deal with it. That is not healthy.
So well said. Thank you thank you thank you.
I would just like to add, that while sometimes we may lose their trust. Most of the time, they lose our trust. I trusted my ex as much as I could personally trust someone. I wasn't jealous, she could go out if she wanted to, and I never really checked up on her. And in the end, for as much as I trusted her, she cheated, lied, and kicked me to the curb. I think a lot of the time, if a pwBPD never recycles, it's because they know that they can never regain the trust of the person that they abused and their shame kicks in. If my ex knows that I'll never be able to trust her again, why would she ever come back to me and put herself in the situation to relive her shame on a daily basis. Out of sight, out of mind. These people may be disordered, but they definitely aren't stupid.
Wow that sums it up so amazingly.
