Did you find that your recollection of events differed from your xBPD's?

[whythisgirl]

There has been countless times where my xBPD tried to make me 2nd guess myself so that they can feel like they are right. Recently, my xBPD and I were back on speaking terms after not speaking for 2weeks when we seen each other we couldn't keep our hands off one another. A week later I invited him out to a comedy show. I asked him if it would be okay if we went to an early show because I had made arrangements to go somewhere with my friend the next morning. Oh boy he didn't like that at all so he told me he was no longer going to the comedy show and to take my friend. Then a minute later he agred to go only if I agree to go to the late showing. So I agreed and purchased the tickets. 30 minutes later this sucker sends me a text saying he is not feeling this and doesn't want to go. I was extremely frustrated because I already purchased the tickets and I asked him why he is being so stubborn and inconsiderate. I was a little sick of the texting so I called him.

During our phone conversation he stated that he will go but told me not to touch him hold his hands or do non of that other stuff I do. I was shocked and said what "stuff do I do" then I said are you referring to how you were kissing on me in the restaurant last week? This sucker told me he doesn't remember that happening. He doesn't recall kissing me. I was LIVID! He tends to flip ___ on me every time like I am the crazy one. How many people have experienced a situation where your BPD acts as if something/ a conversation never transpired?

[Splitblack4good]

Lol loads of times ! A week before we broke up me And my ex sat down and talked about our finances and what had priorty fixing my van then her car then Xmas presents etc . When we broke up she raged at me saying I hadn't offerd to pay for the car etc I reminded her of the talk we had only days before hand and she said I was making excuses ! Then claimed it didn't happen that way or atall !

[billypilgrim]

All the time.  I just recently said in another thread that I always wanted to put up cameras in the house so that I could rewind the film and show her how things actually happened.  Countless instances of her remembering things differently.  Even things as simple as me saying something about plans or something happening and her not being able to recall it a few hours later.  And it was never just oh sorry honey, I forgot.  It was "You didn't tell me that" or "That's not how it happened" or the worst "Well it would have been nice to know that earlier."  I did tell you earlier.  I felt crazy.  Way too often.

[whythisgirl]

Another time, I would always invite him to church and we would go to the moving service. I am always fashionably late so we would arrive behind schedule. So oneday I took him to the late service because we were too late. This guy argued me down that we always went to the late service and never the early service. Til this day he argues me down so he can seem right and of poor me is always wrong.

[Xidion]

The biggest difference is that she would tell me that I "never" did this, or I "always did this". Which was far from the truth. She said, "You never kiss me when you get home from work". I did it about 50% of them time. But never did she ever acknowledge me when I returned from work. So 50% turned into "never".

[whythisgirl]

The biggest difference is that she would tell me that I "never" did this, or I "always did this". Which was far from the truth. She said, "You never kiss me when you get home from work". I did it about 50% of them time. But never did she ever acknowledge me when I returned from work. So 50% turned into "never".

Same here. He would start off with "I noticed you didn't"  text meGM/call me to say GN/call me during your lunch/ call me right after u gotten off of work... Then end with "I'm always doing this youddon't care about me like I do for you I am going to stop calling/texting you... while all along I'm the initiator 70% of the time. Now if he didn't do it. It was okay. I need to chill.

[clydegriffith]

Either that or conveneintly leaving out crucial details of what happened. Here's pretty much a transcript when we discuss one of the many rather unfortunate events that transpired. 

BPDx: You're a horrible person, you got child services involved in our lives and they turned our world upside down!

Me: Do you remember how that came about? I was at work when you called me telling me you were going to kill yourself and the kids. I then called the police who in turn notified child services when they got to the scene. You don't run around saying crazy things we never deal with child services.

BPDx: Silence... .I know i did some bad things before but i'm a better person now and blah blah blah blah blah

[Infern0]

It's called gaslighting and yes,  they all do it.

Last time I talked to mine she tried it on me and I straight up told her im not falling for that bull___ anymore and she dropped it. So they are aware they do it.

[myself]

Her version of much of the r/s is very very different than mine.

Troubled waters beneath her surface, quite often on the surface too.

One main reason I stay away is because our realities don't match up.

[BlueSunshine]

I have a superb memory and oh boy did he mess with me, big time. Gaslighting is ugly stuff. Mine cheated, a lot, and he often used this technique because he was a terrible liar, so he was often very seriously trying to convince me I was wrong or forgetting. "This bracelet? I've had it for months. In fact I stopped wearing it over the summer because you made fun of it saying it was stupid. I had bought it because it reminded me of you" ... .brand new gift from a lover. Yep.

Not only that but as some others said previously, there was a lot of "You always think this" going on from him, which would drive me up the wall (because of "always" and his magical powers to know what I think) however at the same time he would correct and nitpick my word usage. Full blown hypocrite.

He challenges every thing I say. I usually retort with "Am I a liar?" because I'm a smart mouth that argues back. I am also annoyingly truthful and honest (Aspergers) and if I do not know about something I will begin by making that very clear (I'll use phrases like "I think but I'm not certain" or more often I will directly say "I'm not sure" or "I don't know anything about that" however if he would ask a question and I would begin to answer he would constantly question me, or give an alternate version, and add that he thinks I'm wrong. When I call him out on it he has stated, repeatedly, that he thinks he does it because he "wants me to be wrong just once". He takes it as some kind of personal insult, me being right. Good stuff.

It even went on with little things. He still to this day looses everything, keys, his hat, wallet, sunglasses, etc. Then he'd have a temper tantrum "I PUT IT RIGHT HERE! YOU ARE AWAYS MOVING MY STUFF!" ... .uh, no... .but now that I understand I do wish I had done it at least once for the fun of it, since I was ALWAYS getting blamed **.

He consistently would ask me questions about my plans over and over and then seem genuinely surprised or confused when they would finally happen. As if he didn't know about it well in advance and often in detail.

I used to think he was doing it intentionally to make me insane (I have an issue where I deeply dislike repeating myself, so I thought it was a mind game of his). Then he'd go right into stonewalling (ignoring) me after hours of this twisted reality.

17 years of it. I don't know how I haven't lost my head. They should give out medals for enduring this hoopla.

[whythisgirl]

It's called gaslighting and yes,  they all do it.

Last time I talked to mine she tried it on me and I straight up told her im not falling for that bull anymore and she dropped it. So they are aware they do it.

Good to know! I sick of the mind f**king games. Today I got so upset but had to realize he has a sick mind and not to feed into it.

[whythisgirl]

I have a superb memory and oh boy did he mess with me, big time. Gaslighting is ugly stuff. Mine cheated, a lot, and he often used this technique because he was a terrible liar, so he was often very seriously trying to convince me I was wrong or forgetting. "This bracelet? I've had it for months. In fact I stopped wearing it over the summer because you made fun of it saying it was stupid. I had bought it because it reminded me of you" ... .brand new gift from a lover. Yep.

How awful of him! My exBPD calls me psycho when I challenge him on our past conversations. Sometimes I would catch him smirking.

uh, no... .but now that I understand I do wish I had done it at least once for the fun of it, since I was ALWAYS getting blamed **.

My exBPD blames me for everything as well. Or he tries to switch it and say that I am going to blame him so that I can say that is not true,

He consistently would ask me questions about my plans over and over and then seem genuinely surprised or confused when they would finally happen. As if he didn't know about it well in advance and often in detail.

I used to think he was doing it intentionally to make me insane (I have an issue where I deeply dislike repeating myself, so I thought it was a mind game of his). Then he'd go right into stonewalling (ignoring) me after hours of this twisted reality.

Same thing goes on with me. It drives me insane that he ask the same question over and over. I ask him why then he accuses me of "lying" because I am being defensive. He would tell me that I should worry why he ask the same thing over and over he has his reasons.

17 years of it. I don't know how I haven't lost my head. They should give out medals for enduring this hoopla.

You are a true survivor. Yes, you definitely need a gold medal! 

[whythisgirl]

It was "You didn't tell me that" or "That's not how it happened" or the worst "Well it would have been nice to know that earlier."  I did tell you earlier.  I felt crazy.  Way too often.

I would hear those same statements. Then be called inconsiderate although we discussed it beforehand. I'm disgusted while typing. My exBPD and I are going out tonight (yes, I know I want to detach from him ) and I can imagine the stupid crap he is going to pull tonight.

[hope2727]

In short YES! Mine would cry his eyes out on day one to both my friend and me about something then on day two say he wasn't bothered at all. Sigh. I can't believe I miss someone who is so disordered. I am in NO WAY perfect but man he is a mess. I sure miss him tho. Pathetic I know.