Is there really nothing I can do for her?

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

Does Anyone know any facts that their ex is really happy or it's a bunch of BS  ? I mean blissfully happy like my ex said to me ?

This word" Blissfully" get's on my nerves big time  .

[guy4caligirl]

Does Anyone know any facts that their ex is really happy or it's a bunch of BS  ? I mean blissfully happy like my ex said to me ?

This word" Blissfully" get's on my nerves big time  .

[enlighten me]

My ex wife goes from miserable to happy with her new husband. She is apparently planning on leaving him when she has got her finances sorted.

My exgf was blissfully happy with my replacement and now is blissfully happy with his replacement and rumour has it her landlord has been making happy aswell .

[misty_red]

Normally happy people don't brag about being happy. They just are. Just my two cents. I still would be careful with that in mind. Just assume she isn't happy... .I guess this will get some people's hope up for a recycle. I KNOW for a fact my exBPDgf isn't happy. It made me break NC two times because I thought maybe I could make her happy. Some time ago I realized I can't. I'll never be able to do that. Happiness comes from within and isn't dependent on someone else.

[peiper]

They don't have the capacity for long term happiness. The illness always resurfaces. My replacement and her have already split. It only lasted three months of them living together. At the beginning she was posting how beautiful everything was. Its all smoke and mirrors.

[guy4caligirl]

Normally happy people don't brag about being happy. They just are. Just my two cents. I still would be careful with that in mind. Just assume she isn't happy... .I guess this will get some people's hope up for a recycle. I KNOW for a fact my exBPDgf isn't happy. It made me break NC two times because I thought maybe I could make her happy. Some time ago I realized I can't. I'll never be able to do that. Happiness comes from within and isn't dependent on someone else.

Well said thx

"Happiness comes from within "

[parisian]

Guy, they can NEVER be blissfully happy with anything in their lives. Such is the nature of their illness. Their emotional turmoil and inner pain wreaks havoc every.single.minute. of the day. Someone can look at them the 'wrong way' or have the slightest disagreement or difference in opinion, or a very minor incident happen, and it will be the worst thing ever in the world. They sleep just to try and get a break from their emotional pain (and some then have nightmares).

They can never be happy nor blissfully happy full stop. She has just said that to you because you are painted black, and she is trying to hurt you - don't fall for it. They could be with the most amazing person in the world, and after a short while, it will all come crashing down on them, again. The illness will win - every single time.

Just be patient and her blissful state of supposed happiness will collapse between 4-6 months time, after which she will try and contact you again to recyle for the umpteenth time.

Enlighten showed you how blissfully happy his exes are... .

Most of the people on these boards are incredibly loving, caring and wonderful people - and that wasn't enough for any of them. Nothing ever is and nothing ever will be. BPD takes over and they can only maintain their fake facade for a short while.

[guy4caligirl]

Guy, they can NEVER be blissfully happy with anything in their lives. Such is the nature of their illness. Their emotional turmoil and inner pain wreaks havoc every.single.minute. of the day. Someone can look at them the 'wrong way' or have the slightest disagreement or difference in opinion, or a very minor incident happen, and it will be the worst thing ever in the world. They sleep just to try and get a break from their emotional pain (and some then have nightmares).

They can never be happy nor blissfully happy full stop. She has just said that to you because you are painted black, and she is trying to hurt you - don't fall for it. They could be with the most amazing person in the world, and after a short while, it will all come crashing down on them, again. The illness will win - every single time.

Just be patient and her blissful state of supposed happiness will collapse between 4-6 months time, after which she will try and contact you again to recyle for the umpteenth time.

Enlighten showed you how blissfully happy his exes are... .

Most of the people on these boards are incredibly loving, caring and wonderful people - and that wasn't enough for any of them. Nothing ever is and nothing ever will be. BPD takes over and they can only maintain their fake facade for a short while.

I really don't know what shape I would have been in , if I didn't discover this site , sometimes with the world being as it is right now , there are  no more good people around anymore ,almost every one is so greedy, selfish , no more true camadory ,

But I realize all of you are nothing but great people that help from your heart , I wish that the world becomes a safer and happier place , this bad experience is really bad ,  I have the best hope that  we should get over this bad period in our lives and try to put love in everyone's heart day by day , maybe we can make a difference in this cold world .

May God bless you all, and if able to  ,surrender to his will   ... .

I think we should have a convention one of these day so we can meet in person .

Happy holidays         

[hope2727]

Guy, they can NEVER be blissfully happy with anything in their lives. Such is the nature of their illness. Their emotional turmoil and inner pain wreaks havoc every.single.minute. of the day. Someone can look at them the 'wrong way' or have the slightest disagreement or difference in opinion, or a very minor incident happen, and it will be the worst thing ever in the world. They sleep just to try and get a break from their emotional pain (and some then have nightmares).

They can never be happy nor blissfully happy full stop. She has just said that to you because you are painted black, and she is trying to hurt you - don't fall for it. They could be with the most amazing person in the world, and after a short while, it will all come crashing down on them, again. The illness will win - every single time.

Just be patient and her blissful state of supposed happiness will collapse between 4-6 months time, after which she will try and contact you again to recyle for the umpteenth time.

Enlighten showed you how blissfully happy his exes are... .

Most of the people on these boards are incredibly loving, caring and wonderful people - and that wasn't enough for any of them. Nothing ever is and nothing ever will be. BPD takes over and they can only maintain their fake facade for a short while.

I really don't know what shape I would have been in , if I didn't discover this site , sometimes with the world being as it is right now , there are  no more good people around anymore ,almost every one is so greedy, selfish , no more true camadory ,

But I realize all of you are nothing but great people that help from your heart , I wish that the world becomes a safer and happier place , this bad experience is really bad ,  I have the best hope that  we should get over this bad period in our lives and try to put love in everyone's heart day by day , maybe we can make a difference in this cold world .

May God bless you all, and if able to  ,surrender to his will   ... .

I think we should have a convention one of these day so we can meet in person .

Happy holidays         

 

Yes a convention is a great idea. 

[NYMike]

Guy, they can NEVER be blissfully happy with anything in their lives. Such is the nature of their illness. Their emotional turmoil and inner pain wreaks havoc every.single.minute. of the day. Someone can look at them the 'wrong way' or have the slightest disagreement or difference in opinion, or a very minor incident happen, and it will be the worst thing ever in the world. They sleep just to try and get a break from their emotional pain (and some then have nightmares).

They can never be happy nor blissfully happy full stop. She has just said that to you because you are painted black, and she is trying to hurt you - don't fall for it. They could be with the most amazing person in the world, and after a short while, it will all come crashing down on them, again. The illness will win - every single time.

Just be patient and her blissful state of supposed happiness will collapse between 4-6 months time, after which she will try and contact you again to recyle for the umpteenth time.

Enlighten showed you how blissfully happy his exes are... .

Most of the people on these boards are incredibly loving, caring and wonderful people - and that wasn't enough for any of them. Nothing ever is and nothing ever will be. BPD takes over and they can only maintain their fake facade for a short while.

Very well said.How could my ex be happy.Hmmmmm Let's see...

She has been divorced 3 times.Her 18 year old is cutting herself.She does not take care of my puppie at all.She is bankrupt and lost her home,her valuables,herself,her cars and her Harley's.

She has zero credit and lives in constant chaos and utter unstable conditions.She has had live in boyfriends that she abandoned before me.She has destroyed anything that may have been good in her life.

Her home is a pigsty and junk in every room.Her car looks like the New Jersey Trash Dump with garbage everywhere.

When she is really down and out she will resort to snorting some cocaine to check out of this mess and this life of complete shanbles.

I meet her and offerd her the world.I layed out the red carpet for her and wanted to give her different and better.She destroyed it and paints me black only to go right back to what she is used to.She blames me for everything... So sad she tossed away a nice man that truly cared and wanted to help her have a better life and her daughter.

So I would say NO they are not happy and she was not happy when she chased me in the beginning.Once she got me she was in BLISS for about 1 month and then all her troubles started to show.All her sickness started to show.

Now I am the ''new'' cause to her screwed up life and problems.She even sent me a text saying I DESTROYED HER LIFE and IT WAS MY PLAN ALL ALONG... .ANOTHER TEXT WAS YOU DON'T LOVE ME AND YOU WANTED TO DESTROY ME ALL ALONG... .Wow I said.I was the only man that ever loved you and respected you and had your back to the end of the world and wanted good for you and your daughter.I was hurt by these texts.

So I lost this battle and need to recover and get through this with NC one day at a time.

[NYMike]

Guy, they can NEVER be blissfully happy with anything in their lives. Such is the nature of their illness. Their emotional turmoil and inner pain wreaks havoc every.single.minute. of the day. Someone can look at them the 'wrong way' or have the slightest disagreement or difference in opinion, or a very minor incident happen, and it will be the worst thing ever in the world. They sleep just to try and get a break from their emotional pain (and some then have nightmares).

They can never be happy nor blissfully happy full stop. She has just said that to you because you are painted black, and she is trying to hurt you - don't fall for it. They could be with the most amazing person in the world, and after a short while, it will all come crashing down on them, again. The illness will win - every single time.

Just be patient and her blissful state of supposed happiness will collapse between 4-6 months time, after which she will try and contact you again to recyle for the umpteenth time.

Enlighten showed you how blissfully happy his exes are... .

Most of the people on these boards are incredibly loving, caring and wonderful people - and that wasn't enough for any of them. Nothing ever is and nothing ever will be. BPD takes over and they can only maintain their fake facade for a short while.

I really don't know what shape I would have been in , if I didn't discover this site , sometimes with the world being as it is right now , there are  no more good people around anymore ,almost every one is so greedy, selfish , no more true camadory ,

But I realize all of you are nothing but great people that help from your heart , I wish that the world becomes a safer and happier place , this bad experience is really bad ,  I have the best hope that  we should get over this bad period in our lives and try to put love in everyone's heart day by day , maybe we can make a difference in this cold world .

May God bless you all, and if able to  ,surrender to his will   ... .

I think we should have a convention one of these day so we can meet in person .

Happy holidays         

This site saved me in so many ways and continues to help and teach me.I will be donating to this wonderful sight that has wonderful people... .

[Hawk Ridge]

I often wonder if she and my replacement are happy.  I would venture to say, at 7 months and because she contacts me, they are not but I have to move to a place of forgiveness.  Oddly, it is the replacement I struggle to forgive.  I am trying to move to a place of acceptance and almost indifference because I think I have been waiting doe her to come back.  Not proud to admit it but I believe it is true.  Or perhaps, for my own validation, at least for their relationship to end so I would feel less like a loser.  Not proud of that one either.   Last year, my Christmas vacation was ruined by my expwBPD.  I can't help but believe the replacement must be experiencing the same pain.  My christmas gift to her, even if I don't quite feel it yet, compassion.

, perhaps it is because I am sentimental but I do feel an amazing affinity to everyone on these boards, as if we though in different stages of healing, have come through a war torn situation together, survivors possessing a unique understanding and acceptance of what we went through and what we continue to go through in our minds and hearts.  Before this board, I kept searching for something to explain what happened.  This helped me to move to the next stage of first, understanding what it is, second, personal accountability, and third, self-acceptance and self respect (still working on that :-D) as we plow through the morass of grief.  I am so grateful... .thank you

[whythisgirl]

Guy, they can NEVER be blissfully happy with anything in their lives. Such is the nature of their illness. Their emotional turmoil and inner pain wreaks havoc every.single.minute. of the day. Someone can look at them the 'wrong way' or have the slightest disagreement or difference in opinion, or a very minor incident happen, and it will be the worst thing ever in the world. They sleep just to try and get a break from their emotional pain (and some then have nightmares).

I agree my xBPDbf would get upset at the smallest things anyone would say. He could seem to be in a great mood and the slightest thing I did/said could change that mood instantly. Unfortunately when I stayed at his house he never slept. He lay in the bed staying at me all night as if I would sneak out and leave him. He would even get upset if I said I couldn't sleep.

My xBPD also exhibited some NPD traits. It was horrible. I was invalidated all the time because it seem like he was more "happy" when he made me feel miserable.

[antelope]

FACT: these are chronically miserable people

FACT: yes, he/she was actually quite miserable (whether you realized it or not) during the majority, if not close to the entirety of your involvement with them

the disorder cannot allow for any emotion to be sustained for any reasonable amount of time.

even at the beginning, during idealization, they are miserable.   they are happyface when you're around, but the second they even so much as blink, they are reminded of the other guy/gal they're lying to, the lies they're building with you, how that's all gonna play out, the 1000 dollars they just spent before seeing you that they don't have, the red light they ran again yesterday, wow I look feel so fat, images of the toilet they just made themselves throw up in, the heated exchange they just had with their mother, how jealous they are of their sister's engagement and new house, etc

etc


etc


they are chronically miserable people.  they WERE NOT happy with us.

their 'happiness' is just a moment of no tangible negativity, but it is just a moment... .

[NYMike]

FACT: these are chronically miserable people

FACT: yes, he/she was actually quite miserable (whether you realized it or not) during the majority, if not close to the entirety of your involvement with them

the disorder cannot allow for any emotion to be sustained for any reasonable amount of time.

even at the beginning, during idealization, they are miserable.   they are happyface when you're around, but the second they even so much as blink, they are reminded of the other guy/gal they're lying to, the lies they're building with you, how that's all gonna play out, the 1000 dollars they just spent before seeing you that they don't have, the red light they ran again yesterday, wow I look feel so fat, images of the toilet they just made themselves throw up in, the heated exchange they just had with their mother, how jealous they are of their sister's engagement and new house, etc

etc


etc


they are chronically miserable people.  they WERE NOT happy with us.

their 'happiness' is just a moment of no tangible negativity, but it is just a moment... .

LOL,LOL... .So true.I feel so fat,lol,lol... .The imaginary toilet... .LMAO

[Caredverymuch]

Guy, they can NEVER be blissfully happy with anything in their lives. Such is the nature of their illness. Their emotional turmoil and inner pain wreaks havoc every.single.minute. of the day. Someone can look at them the 'wrong way' or have the slightest disagreement or difference in opinion, or a very minor incident happen, and it will be the worst thing ever in the world. They sleep just to try and get a break from their emotional pain (and some then have nightmares).

They can never be happy nor blissfully happy full stop. She has just said that to you because you are painted black, and she is trying to hurt you - don't fall for it. They could be with the most amazing person in the world, and after a short while, it will all come crashing down on them, again. The illness will win - every single time.

Just be patient and her blissful state of supposed happiness will collapse between 4-6 months time, after which she will try and contact you again to recyle for the umpteenth time.

Enlighten showed you how blissfully happy his exes are... .

Most of the people on these boards are incredibly loving, caring and wonderful people - and that wasn't enough for any of them. Nothing ever is and nothing ever will be. BPD takes over and they can only maintain their fake facade for a short while.

I really don't know what shape I would have been in , if I didn't discover this site , sometimes with the world being as it is right now , there are  no more good people around anymore ,almost every one is so greedy, selfish , no more true camadory ,

But I realize all of you are nothing but great people that help from your heart , I wish that the world becomes a safer and happier place , this bad experience is really bad ,  I have the best hope that  we should get over this bad period in our lives and try to put love in everyone's heart day by day , maybe we can make a difference in this cold world .

May God bless you all, and if able to  ,surrender to his will   ... .

I think we should have a convention one of these day so we can meet in person .

Happy holidays         

 

Yes a convention is a great idea. 

I agree.

[Caredverymuch]

Does Anyone know any facts that their ex is really happy or it's a bunch of BS  ? I mean blissfully happy like my ex said to me ?

This word" Blissfully" get's on my nerves big time  .

Guy I will share the words of my T when I asked through immense tears why my ex got to move on and seem so happy while I suffered the loss of him so deeply.

My T told me to listen carefully to her words and to not forget them" 

Your ex is NOT happy. He is a very, very sick man who wakes up every morning having no idea who he is.  Who walks around all day thinking ppl are talking about him when they are not.  His life is a facade.  And although I know how hurt you are by the loss of him and for that I am very sorry.  But I am also very happy that you are no longer w such a sick person who emotionally tortured you.  And with time in keeping  NC and focusing on YOU, you will be happy for this too one day." 

No, they are not happy Guy.  Please remember you know this.   

Sending 

[NYMike]

I can share you this story.

When my ex abandoned me and discarded me she ended up at her girlfriends home.This girlfriend has a live in boyfriend named T.They were nice enough to her to rent her the spare room.

The next month she was in and out of my life playing all the emotional torture games.Last week I had enough guts to knock on that door to talk to T man to man.

He told me she is NUTS with these crazy behaviors while living with them.She disappears for days.she lies,she plays games etc etc.Same old same old.

T said I can't do this no more I don't know what she is or who she is anymore.We opened are home up and she is causing drama and she is running game with everyone.T said I can't have this and he tossed her out.

This made my ex so HATEFUL because T told me she did not want him and I to talk.We talked and I showed him some texts were she was bad mouthing him.He was appauled and hurt she was running games on them.So I guess this BPD CRAZY goes on in every relationship even roomates.

[guy4caligirl]

I can share you this story.

When my ex abandoned me and discarded me she ended up at her girlfriends home.This girlfriend has a live in boyfriend named T.They were nice enough to her to rent her the spare room.

The next month she was in and out of my life playing all the emotional torture games.Last week I had enough guts to knock on that door to talk to T man to man.

He told me she is NUTS with these crazy behaviors while living with them.She disappears for days.she lies,she plays games etc etc.Same old same old.




T said I can't do this no more I don't know what she is or who she is anymore.We opened are home up and she is causing drama and she is running game with everyone.T said I can't have this and he tossed he

This made my ex so HATEFUL because T told me she did not want him and I to talk.We talked and I showed him some texts were she was bad mouthing him.He was appauled and hurt she was running games on them.So I guess this BPD CRAZY goes on in every relationship even roomates.

Thanks NY Mike for sharing this ,it sheds some light not to believe the blissfully happy thing

[peiper]

As my T keeps saying, a leopard can't change its spots no matter how hard they try. He won't even see a pwBPD because their so restraint to change and eventually target the T with manipulation or anger.

[Mutt]

Does Anyone know any facts that their ex is really happy or it's a bunch of BS  ? I mean blissfully happy like my ex said to me ?

This word" Blissfully" get's on my nerves big time  .

She may feel aroused or intense. Feelings are quicksilver.

I think it's important to not hang-on to the words said.

This article articulates how a pwBPD feels.

The DSM-5 work group is recommending that this disorder be reformulated in the DSM-5 as the Borderline Type.

Individuals who match this personality disorder type have an extremely fragile self-concept that is easily disrupted and fragmented under stress and results in the experience of a lack of identity or chronic feelings of emptiness. As a result, they have an impoverished and/or unstable self structure and difficulty maintaining enduring intimate relationships. Self-appraisal is often associated with self-loathing, rage, and despondency. Individuals with this disorder experience rapidly changing, intense, unpredictable, and reactive emotions and can become extremely anxious or depressed. They may also become angry or hostile, and feel misunderstood, mistreated, or victimized. They may engage in verbal or physical acts of aggression when angry. Emotional reactions are typically in response to negative interpersonal events involving loss or disappointment.

Relationships are based on the fantasy of the need for others for survival, excessive dependency, and a fear of rejection and/or abandonment. Dependency involves both insecure attachment, expressed as difficulty tolerating aloneness; intense fear of loss, abandonment, or rejection by significant others; and urgent need for contact with significant others when stressed or distressed, accompanied sometimes by highly submissive, subservient behavior. At the same time, intense, intimate involvement with another person often leads to a fear of loss of an identity as an individual. Thus, interpersonal relationships are highly unstable and alternate between excessive dependency and flight from involvement. Empathy for others is severely impaired.

Core emotional traits and interpersonal behaviors may be associated with cognitive dysregulation, i.e., cognitive functions may become impaired at times of interpersonal stress leading to information processing in a concrete, black-and white, all-or-nothing manner. Quasi-psychotic reactions, including paranoia and dissociation, may progress to transient psychosis. Individuals with this type are characteristically impulsive, acting on the spur of the moment, and frequently engage in activities with potentially negative consequences. Deliberate acts of self-harm (e.g., cutting, burning), suicidal ideation, and suicide attempts typically occur in the context of intense distress and dysphoria, particularly in the context of feelings of abandonment when an important relationship is disrupted. Intense distress may also lead to other risky behaviors, including substance misuse, reckless driving, binge eating, or promiscuous sex.

1. Negative Emotionality: Emotional Lability

Having unstable emotional experiences and mood changes; having emotions that are easily aroused, intense, and/or out of proportion to events and circumstances

2. Negative Emotionality: Self-harm

Engaging in thoughts and behaviors related to self-harm (e.g., intentional cutting or burning) and suicide, including suicidal ideation, threats, gestures, and attempts

3. Negative Emotionality: Separation insecurity

Fears of rejection by, and/or separation from, significant others; distress when significant others are not present or readily available

4. Negative Emotionality: Anxiousness

Feelings of nervousness, tenseness, and/or being on edge; worry about past unpleasant experiences and future negative possibilities; feeling fearful and threatened by uncertainty

5. Negative Emotionality: Low self-esteem

Having a poor opinion of one’s self and abilities; believing that one is worthless or useless; disliking or being dissatisfied with one’s self; believing that one cannot do things or do them well

6. Negative Emotionality: Depressivity

Having frequent feelings of being down/ miserable/ depressed/ hopeless; difficulty “bounding back” from such moods; belief that one is simply a sad/ depressed person

7. Antagonism: Hostility

Irritability, hot temperedness; being unfriendly, rude, surly, or nasty; responding angrily to minor slights and insults

8. Antagonism: Aggression

Being mean, cruel, or cold-hearted; verbally, relationally, or physically abusive; humiliating and demeaning of others; willingly and willfully engaging in acts of violence against persons and objects; active and open belligerence or vengefulness; using dominance and intimidation to control others

9. Disinhibition: Impulsivity

Acting on the spur of the moment in response to immediate stimuli; acting on a momentary basis without a plan or consideration of outcomes; difficulty establishing and following plans; failure to learn from experience

10. Schizotypy: Dissociation Proneness

Tendency to experience disruptions in the flow of conscious experience; “losing time,” (e.g., being unaware of how one got to one’s location); experiencing one’s surroundings as strange or unreal

What are the Symptoms of Borderline Personality Disorder?

[PaintedBlack28]

Really happy? NO. Unhappy because they regret their actions and long to be with us? NO. They have a disorder that is all about that: Being unhappy. But we take the severe damage right down to the core of our beings. And we bleed a lot. So it goes. (SIGH)

[guy4caligirl]

Mutt

I gathered from the article that when gone from a long relation , they face many obstacles ,they loose their comfort zone , and have to double their effort to cope with new surrounding My ex Said "I want to paint the room I am staying in to make it feel like mine ".

Trying to adapt to their new life isn't that easy like they say it is , therefore when we text them they ignore us , and are scared to show us what they are really going through or having tendency of recycling but shame guilt gets in their way .

Is that right ?

[Mutt]

Mutt

I gathered from the article that when gone from a long relation , they face many obstacles ,they loose their comfort zone , and have to double their effort to cope with new surrounding My ex Said "I want to paint the room I am staying in to make it feel like mine ".

Trying to adapt to their new life isn't that easy like they say it is , therefore when we text them they ignore us , and are scared to show us what they are really going through or having tendency of recycling but shame guilt gets in their way .

Is that right ?

My ex was going through a dissociative phase and  dysregulated for long periods and not returning to her baseline.

She had feelings of shame, guilt from her actions ( affair ) She knows her actions were hurtful. She returned to her baseline and was happy when she left.

She's ignored me for nearly 24 months until recent months. After the split I could tell she had discomfort when I would pick up the kids. It was difficult for her to see me. It is like accidently cutting a person's arm off and having to see them.

It was very hurtful and painful to have the marriage collapse and she left with no logical explanation or closure with another man. She went radio silent and ignored all of my efforts of communicating with her. I was confused, wounded, angry, abandoned and simply wanted a simple reason why? After so many years of trying to keep the family together what had I done wrong?

She was hurt and displayed it much differently than I. She is wired differently. It took me much longer to recover and heal in comparison to a disorder that has many facets and defense mechanisms to protect from feelings of rejection and pain.

It was confusing and what helped me was a P, T, these boards and the passage of time. Her abstaining from communicating was not personal to me. It was the disorder, that is difficult and complex. I hope that helps.


-- Mutt

[myself]

I'd say the 'happiness' is because her survival instincts, which made her run in the first place, are telling her she got away and 'survived'. It'll be temporary/ short-lived. Once the realization that what she was running from is herself comes back to the surface, and she finds again that she's brought her problems with her/not avoided them, the 'blissful' feeling will turn back to the impulses to run again. Not a very joyful or peaceful process.

[Xidion]

My ex "appears" to be happy. Only because she is with someone new. But... it's as if she is trying way too hard. She is broadcasting it all over facebook. How glad she is that she had the strength to get away from one relationship and enter a new one. Posting things like "Something about this just feels right". People who are truly happy don't flaunt it all over the place. Happy? No. Temporarily relieved of the pain? Maybe. Feeling guilty and shameful? definitely.

[peiper]

I'd say the 'happiness' is because her survival instincts, which made her run in the first place, are telling her she got away and 'survived'. It'll be temporary/ short-lived. Once the realization that what she was running from is herself comes back to the surface, and she finds again that she's brought her problems with her/not avoided them, the 'blissful' feeling will turn back to the impulses to run again. Not a very joyful or peaceful process.

That is so spot on. Mine has already broken up with my replacement, or he ran. And it was just like clockwork. Three months and problems. I don't pity her, I'm just glad I'm not her. She's never going to find lasting happiness.

[fred6]

I haven't heard anything from my ex. Nothing on FB about new supply. Doesn't really matter if she's happy or not. She'll trigger eventually.

[Xidion]

I'd say the 'happiness' is because her survival instincts, which made her run in the first place, are telling her she got away and 'survived'. It'll be temporary/ short-lived. Once the realization that what she was running from is herself comes back to the surface, and she finds again that she's brought her problems with her/not avoided them, the 'blissful' feeling will turn back to the impulses to run again. Not a very joyful or peaceful process.

That is so spot on. Mine has already broken up with my replacement, or he ran. And it was just like clockwork. Three months and problems. I don't pity her, I'm just glad I'm not her. She's never going to find lasting happiness.

I felt pity for her for awhile... but then I realized... this person is an adult. She has a choice. She knows that she hurts people. She is aware of her own actions. Disordered or not, she has a choice in what she does. No more pity from me.

[Dutched]

Happiness?

Not long before the break up I received from exw a poem…,

“whatever happens, nothing will tear apart my love for you”... .

well after a 30+ yrs... .and those ups and downs... .really touching, isn't it.

But I realised someting like:

                And in that moment, I swear we were infinite…

So, the next one, the replacement… many confirmations, better validations for me.

There is no sparkling left in her eyes nor body language. 

Exw is not happy, exw is not in love only attached to supply.

Before the end, during her outbursts in which she stopped the r/s, I predicted her THIS outcome, to be hooked by 'just someone', ending up in a total affair down / a total downgrade. 

Why wouldn't history repeat when in denial, blaming others for their miserable life, unhappiness with me/you, refusing treatment?

So:

Alice: how long is forever?

White Rabbit: sometimes only a second.

[guy4caligirl]

I ran across this, today on the forum I like to share it with who ever still hurting , I already hanged on my fridge .

I will read it every day or as needed .

"Tonight I needed to remind myself. There really is nothing I can do for her. She is broken or sick with next to no cure. She does not want to be cured no matter how I try to help. I have to unconditionally let her go. I need to be more selfish in taking care of me.

Nothing I say or do will be able to get into that twisted reality that she makes truth from in her head. The sooner I disallow any control she will ever have on me the sooner I will get the peace of mind I am searching for."

Traveler