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Author Topic: When is it more likely for a BPDx to get back in touch?  (Read 8255 times)
JRT
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« Reply #30 on: January 17, 2015, 08:46:16 PM »

A significant factor about pwBPD contacting you and reconnecting with you is the quality and amount of pleasant and happy memories they have about your relationship before the break up.  These good memories ... (if they had  a lot and intense)... .at some point, trigger a desire in them to re-live with you once again those same moments. The chances in such situation of them contacting you become very high .

Man, if that were the case, mine would have returned in an hour... .we had a very good relationship... .she disappeared in September and I have not heard anything from her since... .
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hurting300
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« Reply #31 on: January 17, 2015, 09:03:04 PM »

Mine still does drive by's. No one knows for sure. I've read more on them returning than not.
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In the eye for an eye game, he who cares least, wins. I, for one. am never stepping into the ring with someone who is impulsive and doesn't think of the downstream consequences.
JRT
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« Reply #32 on: January 17, 2015, 11:46:22 PM »

I caught mine stalking me on FB... .not sure what this is a sign of... .if anything.
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hurting300
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« Reply #33 on: January 18, 2015, 12:08:16 AM »

I caught mine stalking me on FB... .not sure what this is a sign of... .if anything.

how do you know?
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JRT
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« Reply #34 on: January 18, 2015, 12:20:38 AM »

so she left some stuff here... .I put up a picture of one of the items saying that it is my New Years resolution to clean my basement and get rid of some stuff... .'I was just about to drag this old trunk that I no longer want to the curb when it had occurred to me that someone might want it. Hurry because it will be in the garbage by the weekend'

At the time, I set my profile to 'public' for this very reason: I wanted her to get used to coming so that I could sen THIS specific message. Tow days later, one of her gf's IM'd me on FB asking to come and get the trunk (it was a woman that my ex was very disdainful and greatly avoided her - I suspect that she approached closer friends who told her to be a big girl and do this like an adult). Anyway, she asked if she could pick up the trunk as a lead off sentence, the trunk was filled with family keep sake kind of stuff, priceless things. She denied my ex stalking my FB page pretty adamantly several times and even wanting to pick the property up. OK, so if SHE was not stalking me, then it must be YOU. I JUST now put the trunk picture up! <rolling my eyes> Then she went a long way to insist that she really didn't want the stuff and that I should throw it away. It was like speaking with a child (It gave me the idea that the GF just gave my ex her logon and it was my ex that I was speaking with!). There was really no getting around being caught red handed on this one... .

It odd that she is doing this since she has blocked me from communicating from her in every manner possible. This incident came after 3 months NC and an attempt for me to contact her on xmas eve was returned by a call from the cops! What gives?

There IS a way to tell who has been to your FB page for Chrome users. Though it requires some tech no how and is very time consuming.
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hurting300
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« Reply #35 on: January 18, 2015, 01:11:23 AM »

so she left some stuff here... .I put up a picture of one of the items saying that it is my New Years resolution to clean my basement and get rid of some stuff... .'I was just about to drag this old trunk that I no longer want to the curb when it had occurred to me that someone might want it. Hurry because it will be in the garbage by the weekend'

At the time, I set my profile to 'public' for this very reason: I wanted her to get used to coming so that I could sen THIS specific message. Tow days later, one of her gf's IM'd me on FB asking to come and get the trunk (it was a woman that my ex was very disdainful and greatly avoided her - I suspect that she approached closer friends who told her to be a big girl and do this like an adult). Anyway, she asked if she could pick up the trunk as a lead off sentence, the trunk was filled with family keep sake kind of stuff, priceless things. She denied my ex stalking my FB page pretty adamantly several times and even wanting to pick the property up. OK, so if SHE was not stalking me, then it must be YOU. I JUST now put the trunk picture up! <rolling my eyes> Then she went a long way to insist that she really didn't want the stuff and that I should throw it away. It was like speaking with a child (It gave me the idea that the GF just gave my ex her logon and it was my ex that I was speaking with!). There was really no getting around being caught red handed on this one... .

It odd that she is doing this since she has blocked me from communicating from her in every manner possible. This incident came after 3 months NC and an attempt for me to contact her on xmas eve was returned by a call from the cops! What gives?

There IS a way to tell who has been to your FB page for Chrome users. Though it requires some tech no how and is very time consuming.

I'm not proud of it at all, but I burned my exes things in my front yard and posted the pics online. I had no way of sending the stuff to her because she disappeared. So I got rid of it. Those people are full of drama.
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In the eye for an eye game, he who cares least, wins. I, for one. am never stepping into the ring with someone who is impulsive and doesn't think of the downstream consequences.
JRT
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« Reply #36 on: January 18, 2015, 01:48:46 AM »

so she left some stuff here... .I put up a picture of one of the items saying that it is my New Years resolution to clean my basement and get rid of some stuff... .'I was just about to drag this old trunk that I no longer want to the curb when it had occurred to me that someone might want it. Hurry because it will be in the garbage by the weekend'

At the time, I set my profile to 'public' for this very reason: I wanted her to get used to coming so that I could sen THIS specific message. Tow days later, one of her gf's IM'd me on FB asking to come and get the trunk (it was a woman that my ex was very disdainful and greatly avoided her - I suspect that she approached closer friends who told her to be a big girl and do this like an adult). Anyway, she asked if she could pick up the trunk as a lead off sentence, the trunk was filled with family keep sake kind of stuff, priceless things. She denied my ex stalking my FB page pretty adamantly several times and even wanting to pick the property up. OK, so if SHE was not stalking me, then it must be YOU. I JUST now put the trunk picture up! <rolling my eyes> Then she went a long way to insist that she really didn't want the stuff and that I should throw it away. It was like speaking with a child (It gave me the idea that the GF just gave my ex her logon and it was my ex that I was speaking with!). There was really no getting around being caught red handed on this one... .

It odd that she is doing this since she has blocked me from communicating from her in every manner possible. This incident came after 3 months NC and an attempt for me to contact her on xmas eve was returned by a call from the cops! What gives?

There IS a way to tell who has been to your FB page for Chrome users. Though it requires some tech no how and is very time consuming.

I'm not proud of it at all, but I burned my exes things in my front yard and posted the pics online. I had no way of sending the stuff to her because she disappeared. So I got rid of it. Those people are full of drama.

I have considered this!
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lm911
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« Reply #37 on: January 18, 2015, 03:39:20 AM »

There IS a way to tell who has been to your FB page for Chrome users. Though it requires some tech no how and is very time consuming.

Can you tell the way, please?
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patientandclear
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« Reply #38 on: January 18, 2015, 04:19:08 AM »

I'm not proud of it at all, but I burned my exes things in my front yard and posted the pics online ... .Those people are full of drama.

Hurting, I can see by your past posts that you were deeply traumatized by your ex's disappearance, as I would have been. But while I feel for you, this statement is a good example of non-BPD people not able to see the dysfunction in our own behavior and projecting all onto the pwBPD. Just as many of them do. Your ex did you some serious wrong. But posting the pics of burning her stuff online is the drama.
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JRT
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« Reply #39 on: January 18, 2015, 09:37:26 AM »

There IS a way to tell who has been to your FB page for Chrome users. Though it requires some tech no how and is very time consuming.

Can you tell the way, please?

www.geekscab.com/2014/01/how-to-track-facebook-profile-visitors.html

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hurting300
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« Reply #40 on: January 18, 2015, 10:11:00 AM »

I'm not proud of it at all, but I burned my exes things in my front yard and posted the pics online ... .Those people are full of drama.

Hurting, I can see by your past posts that you were deeply traumatized by your ex's disappearance, as I would have been. But while I feel for you, this statement is a good example of non-BPD people not able to see the dysfunction in our own behavior and projecting all onto the pwBPD. Just as many of them do. Your ex did you some serious wrong. But posting the pics of burning her stuff online is the drama.

yes you are so right about that... I think we are close to even now.
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In the eye for an eye game, he who cares least, wins. I, for one. am never stepping into the ring with someone who is impulsive and doesn't think of the downstream consequences.
Copperfox
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« Reply #41 on: January 18, 2015, 10:50:25 AM »

I'm not proud of it at all, but I burned my exes things in my front yard and posted the pics online ... .Those people are full of drama.

Hurting, I can see by your past posts that you were deeply traumatized by your ex's disappearance, as I would have been. But while I feel for you, this statement is a good example of non-BPD people not able to see the dysfunction in our own behavior and projecting all onto the pwBPD. Just as many of them do. Your ex did you some serious wrong. But posting the pics of burning her stuff online is the drama.

Fantastic advice, PatientandClear ... .if we become like them, then we lose even more, we lose ourselves.  Always be the best version of yourself.  Be the strong one.
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SWLSR
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« Reply #42 on: January 18, 2015, 10:45:31 PM »

This question gets asked so many times.  All i know is they almost always try to come back.  but when is a hard guess.  the main question is what r you going to do when they do.
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fromheeltoheal
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« Reply #43 on: January 18, 2015, 11:44:07 PM »

Contact is less likely if a breakup was for cause (infidelity), or the relationship toxic, or they did the breaking up, or if the relationship was short and isolated, or a rebound relationship.

Mine was all of those.  No wonder I never looked back.
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downwhim
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« Reply #44 on: January 19, 2015, 10:45:38 AM »

My ex got back in touch at 3 months by hacking into my computer and stealing pictures he had sent me. That is his way of keeping in touch but not and trying to hurt me. He took pictures of my son's wedding and another mutual friends wedding. It was shocking to go to my files and they were empty. It said zipped.

What a  sick man he has become to go to the trouble of doing this.
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Deeno02
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« Reply #45 on: January 19, 2015, 10:49:01 AM »

Contact is less likely if a breakup was for cause (infidelity), or the relationship toxic, or they did the breaking up, or if the relationship was short and isolated, or a rebound relationship.

Mine was all of those.  No wonder I never looked back.

Oh good. Since she dumped me, I guess I won't hear from her again! Yay!
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hurting300
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« Reply #46 on: January 19, 2015, 02:27:09 PM »

Guys they are all different, but the same if that makes sense.
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In the eye for an eye game, he who cares least, wins. I, for one. am never stepping into the ring with someone who is impulsive and doesn't think of the downstream consequences.
JRT
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« Reply #47 on: January 19, 2015, 02:38:41 PM »

Guys they are all different, but the same if that makes sense.

not sure what you mean
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fromheeltoheal
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« Reply #48 on: January 19, 2015, 02:42:43 PM »

Guys they are all different, but the same if that makes sense.

not sure what you mean

If I may... .

Everyone's different, although a bunch of people exhibit traits that could be considered traits of BPD, we all know at least one of them, and it's what bonds us together on this site, the similarities, even though everyone's different.
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hurting300
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« Reply #49 on: January 19, 2015, 03:50:08 PM »

Guys they are all different, but the same if that makes sense.

not sure what you mean

If I may... .

Everyone's different, although a bunch of people exhibit traits that could be considered traits of BPD, we all know at least one of them, and it's what bonds us together on this site, the similarities, even though everyone's different.

You are right sir. Most of them are liars, most of them are cowards. Most of them are childish. They all pretty much act the same ... .But differently Laugh out loud (click to insert in post).
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In the eye for an eye game, he who cares least, wins. I, for one. am never stepping into the ring with someone who is impulsive and doesn't think of the downstream consequences.
fromheeltoheal
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« Reply #50 on: January 19, 2015, 03:59:47 PM »

If I may... .

Everyone's different, although a bunch of people exhibit traits that could be considered traits of BPD, we all know at least one of them, and it's what bonds us together on this site, the similarities, even though everyone's different.

You are right sir. Most of them are liars, most of them are cowards. Most of them are childish. They all pretty much act the same ... .But differently Laugh out loud (click to insert in post).

Pretty harsh hurting.  How's it going with your detachment and moving through that anger?
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hurting300
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« Reply #51 on: January 19, 2015, 06:38:07 PM »

If I may... .

Everyone's different, although a bunch of people exhibit traits that could be considered traits of BPD, we all know at least one of them, and it's what bonds us together on this site, the similarities, even though everyone's different.

You are right sir. Most of them are liars, most of them are cowards. Most of them are childish. They all pretty much act the same ... .But differently Laugh out loud (click to insert in post).

Pretty harsh hurting.  How's it going with your detachment and moving through that anger?

is it true though?
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In the eye for an eye game, he who cares least, wins. I, for one. am never stepping into the ring with someone who is impulsive and doesn't think of the downstream consequences.
fromheeltoheal
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« Reply #52 on: January 19, 2015, 07:01:54 PM »

If I may... .

Everyone's different, although a bunch of people exhibit traits that could be considered traits of BPD, we all know at least one of them, and it's what bonds us together on this site, the similarities, even though everyone's different.

You are right sir. Most of them are liars, most of them are cowards. Most of them are childish. They all pretty much act the same ... .But differently Laugh out loud (click to insert in post).

Pretty harsh hurting.  How's it going with your detachment and moving through that anger?

is it true though?

My ex lied a lot, but I don't consider her a liar, I consider her sick.  My ex acted like a child sometimes, but I don't consider her childish, I consider her emotionally underdeveloped because of the way other people raised her.  And my ex is one of the strongest people I've known, she has to be since her life is a living hell and she's a survivor.  But it's not about her anymore; are you on that path?  What's the next step for you?
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hurting300
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« Reply #53 on: January 19, 2015, 07:20:55 PM »

If I may... .

Everyone's different, although a bunch of people exhibit traits that could be considered traits of BPD, we all know at least one of them, and it's what bonds us together on this site, the similarities, even though everyone's different.

You are right sir. Most of them are liars, most of them are cowards. Most of them are childish. They all pretty much act the same ... .But differently Laugh out loud (click to insert in post).

Pretty harsh hurting.  How's it going with your detachment and moving through that anger?

is it true though?

My ex lied a lot, but I don't consider her a liar, I consider her sick.  My ex acted like a child sometimes, but I don't consider her childish, I consider her emotionally underdeveloped because of the way other people raised her.  And my ex is one of the strongest people I've known, she has to be since her life is a living hell and she's a survivor.  But it's not about her anymore; are you on that path?  What's the next step for you?

my next step is seeing her family in court within a few weeks. And getting my child. You are stronger than me for now. I'm not rationalizing an abuser.
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In the eye for an eye game, he who cares least, wins. I, for one. am never stepping into the ring with someone who is impulsive and doesn't think of the downstream consequences.
fromheeltoheal
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« Reply #54 on: January 19, 2015, 07:34:20 PM »

If I may... .

Everyone's different, although a bunch of people exhibit traits that could be considered traits of BPD, we all know at least one of them, and it's what bonds us together on this site, the similarities, even though everyone's different.

You are right sir. Most of them are liars, most of them are cowards. Most of them are childish. They all pretty much act the same ... .But differently Laugh out loud (click to insert in post).

Pretty harsh hurting.  How's it going with your detachment and moving through that anger?

is it true though?

My ex lied a lot, but I don't consider her a liar, I consider her sick.  My ex acted like a child sometimes, but I don't consider her childish, I consider her emotionally underdeveloped because of the way other people raised her.  And my ex is one of the strongest people I've known, she has to be since her life is a living hell and she's a survivor.  But it's not about her anymore; are you on that path?  What's the next step for you?

my next step is seeing her family in court within a few weeks. And getting my child. You are stronger than me for now. I'm not rationalizing an abuser.

OK, one foot in front of the other, I hope it works out the way that is right, and we'll be here supporting regardless.  Take care of you!
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hurting300
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« Reply #55 on: January 19, 2015, 07:49:41 PM »

If I may... .

Everyone's different, although a bunch of people exhibit traits that could be considered traits of BPD, we all know at least one of them, and it's what bonds us together on this site, the similarities, even though everyone's different.

You are right sir. Most of them are liars, most of them are cowards. Most of them are childish. They all pretty much act the same ... .But differently Laugh out loud (click to insert in post).

Pretty harsh hurting.  How's it going with your detachment and moving through that anger?

is it true though?

My ex lied a lot, but I don't consider her a liar, I consider her sick.  My ex acted like a child sometimes, but I don't consider her childish, I consider her emotionally underdeveloped because of the way other people raised her.  And my ex is one of the strongest people I've known, she has to be since her life is a living hell and she's a survivor.  But it's not about her anymore; are you on that path?  What's the next step for you?

my next step is seeing her family in court within a few weeks. And getting my child. You are stronger than me for now. I'm not rationalizing an abuser.

OK, one foot in front of the other, I hope it works out the way that is right, and we'll be here supporting regardless.  Take care of you!

me too. You take care.
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In the eye for an eye game, he who cares least, wins. I, for one. am never stepping into the ring with someone who is impulsive and doesn't think of the downstream consequences.
letmeout
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« Reply #56 on: January 26, 2015, 12:13:29 AM »

It looks like it is 3 years in my personal experience
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Turkish
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« Reply #57 on: January 26, 2015, 12:28:26 AM »

Staff only

This thread has reached its posting limit. Please feel free to start a new topic...
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