Classic "I hate you don't leave me"... I have less than twenty days...

[Wood stock]

So my uBPD boyfriend is in jail in another state (third DUI). He had to serve 120 days. I have taken care of his child (I'm not her biological mother); I have taken care of his bills and been his lifeline to the outside waiting on his calls nearly everyday for the past 100 days--in an effort to make sure he had someone to talk to. Several times, he has blown up at me on these phone calls (I've posted about some of these before) over the smallest thing. Last weekend, we had an argument about something small, and he demanded that I take his daughter to his mother's as well as his check card, etc. We did this once before, and he eventually realized the error of his ways and had the checking account and child returned to me.

Well, this time, he screamed "We are f******* done... .!" And I am making sure this holds true. He then continually called from jail harassing me about the engagement ring and other material belongings. I told him we will sort it out later and that I would not keep anything that want mine not to worry. It just continued. I blocked the jail number to get some peace. His new means of harassment is calling his eight year old daughter at his mothers and having her text me nasty things from her IPad from him! Wow!

To be clear, I have written a letter to him explaining what was going to happen with the belongings and assets when he got out and I reiterated how absolutely done I am this time. I reminded him that HE wanted tone done, yet of course he is eraged at me.  He gets out in less than twenty days. I'm scared.

I mean, why is it so hard for a BPD to just OWN THEIR WORDS AND ACTIONS and just be decent. I've been more than a good woman to him--even though he didn't deserve me. Why is he so enraged? Is it because he feels I have all the control? Is it because he realizes he has really lost me and is angry about that?  I'm doing what he said he wanted!

Any advice or words of wisdom? What will be the best way to handle this when he gets out? I am boxing his belongings now and putting them in a storage unit down the street, so he shouldn't have a reason to be at my house. There are a few bank accounts and a truck loan to split up--so I can't have no contact yet. My plan is to meet regarding those things with at least one family member with me. And in a public place. Any other advice or warnings from my BPD family?

[PaintedBlack28]

Hi what you wrote is unbelievable. this guy is where he should be. You must dissapear from hiz life entirely. Nothing good for you is coming from his direction. There is nothing you can do about it. Why would you wanna love someone in such a way that it means turning against loving yourself? You may need a T to adress this issues. You have the chance to split and leave this abusive r/s and this abusive man.  It's now or never. Forget about him. There is no love involved on his side. Be has BPD, he is an disordered individual. You dont need go meet him again send a famkly member take care of the loan and bank accounts. Cut every tie between you two. You loose him but you save your life. Your life is at stake here. Take care and be smart.

[Mutt]

Hi MJBL,

I think you have a good plan. You're not going to be alone with him when you give him his things. Blocking his number from jail is a good step, his child is with his family. You may want to continue with NC or LW ( low contact with him ) and PaintedBlack28 makes a good suggestion, a T is a good idea.

It's over the top trying to reach you via an 8 year old. He's devaluating you and not seeing the good parts in you and seeing perceived bad parts. It's hard she you put your best foot forward only to get told you're not good.  

PERSPECTIVES: From idealization to devaluation - why we struggle