denial of BPD: made easier b/c it is exacerbated by relationships?

[Beware of Junk Psychology...]

My uBPDexgf is obsessed with finding the right guy that can just love her unconditionally and accept her (how crazy she is) and ride it out for some higher purpose.

Because BPD seems primarily to manifest its symptoms within relationships, it seems it is easy for them to blame the other person.

For instance, it wasn't that she drove me away, it was that I just wasn't strong enough and too selfish.  I should stick around and be her doormat for some reason (b/c I told her I loved her or something).

I think this allows them to always blame others.

I had mild OCD during my teens.  I couldn't blame others because its severity did not change based upon whether or not I was single, etc.

I think many BPDs have an entitled attitude, as if they deserve romantic love as is.  Well, most people aren't gonna stick around, and it isn't us with the issue.

[raisins3142]

My uBPDexgf is obsessed with finding the right guy that can just love her unconditionally and accept her (how crazy she is) and ride it out for some higher purpose.

Because BPD seems primarily to manifest its symptoms within relationships, it seems it is easy for them to blame the other person.

For instance, it wasn't that she drove me away, it was that I just wasn't strong enough and too selfish.  I should stick around and be her doormat for some reason (b/c I told her I loved her or something).

I think this allows them to always blame others.

I had mild OCD during my teens.  I couldn't blame others because its severity did not change based upon whether or not I was single, etc.

I think many BPDs have an entitled attitude, as if they deserve romantic love as is.  Well, most people aren't gonna stick around, and it isn't us with the issue.

[Turkish]

Yes, in a similar vein, I was called a "failure" and that I "lacked character." Yet after she moved out, "you're a good man," and I saw her write this in her journals. Feelings are facts to a pwBPD, and given their often unregulated emotions, their view of the world lies distorted through the lens of their feelings.

For relationships, it's the same way, and we're there to meet their needs, as immature as they are. Have you seen this thread? It's one of my favorites here:

Emotional Immaturity

Egocentricity is self-centeredness. It’s major manifestation is selfishness. It is associated with low self-esteem. Self-centered people have no regard for others, but they also have only slight regard for themselves. An egocentric person is preoccupied with his own feelings and symptoms. He demands constant attention and insists on self-gratifying sympathy, fishes for compliments, and makes unreasonable demands. He is typically overly-competitive, a poor loser, perfectionistic, and refuses to play or work if he can’t have his own way.

A self-centered person does not see himself realistically, does not take responsibility for his own mistakes or deficiencies, is unable to constructively criticize himself, and is insensitive to the feelings of others. Only emotionally mature people can experience true empathy, and empathy is a prime requirement for successful relationships.

[clydegriffith]

Yes i agree. There's a suptid quote i've come across on social media several times of some women saying "if you can't handle me at my worst than you don't deserve me at my best". LOL.

If getting cheated on with half the neighberhood, false domestic violence accusations that lead to my arrest and being physically and emotionally abused non-stop is your "worse" than i want no part of that.

[Madison66]

Oh, I live this scenario over and over and over during my 3+ year r/s with uBPD/NPD ex gf.  My ex was/is high functioning and I think that made it harder for me to accept that the way she acted and treated me when she'd become disregulated just wasn't what I could accept short term or long term.  When she would act out in extremely emotionally immature ways and I'd call her out, she'd rationalize that she should be able to express herself and I should accept her as she was.  This even played out in three rounds of couple's T.  The first T had a private session with me after my ex gf wouldn't return and said things would not change and most likely grow worse.  I allowed myself to stay in the r/s and then had our third couple's T call me out for not being true to myself (i.e. getting the hell out!).  Bottom line, I'm going to flip it the other way and say that this BPD "relationship dysfunctional" trait is amplified by willing non BPD participants.  Is it fair that we've had to deal with this crud? No.  Were most of us caught off guard and ill prepared to deal with a BPD partner.  No.  But... .we should be now.  If it doesn't feel right, it probably isn't... .

[raisins3142]

I haven't thought of the connection between self centeredness and low self esteem, but I agree with it now.  Thanks for that realization and the link.

If you don't care about yourself, then how are you gonna care about others truly?

I agree with the other replies here as well.

Mine has friends that she sees relatively rare and mostly communicates with via text and facebook.  Of course, she can maintain a facade around them more successfully.  So, I'm sure they will tell her she is great and any guy that can't see that isn't worth her time, etc.  Especially if they are going about stopping the bleeding from some emotional wound she has.