boyfriend abruptly broke up raged out and disappeared

[VIDEO: "What is parental alienation?"]

Ok. Thank you for reading.

It has been long enough. I should move on but I can't get my mind to erase him. He was absolutely charming, smart, and really knew how to read me in a short amount of time. He is the perfect predator.I feel he knew he would eventually leave me when mr. Hyde peaked. I think he knew. He sweeped me off my feet. After 5 months, he wisked me away on a vacation. But problem started at the airport. Entire trip, he shut down and would not communicate but continued to be attentive and civil With the occasional dirty looks or nasty comments... .was a horrible feeling for me. Here I was looking forward to an amazing trip and he has mentally checked out... came back and  broke up via text and said he will deliver my things and to stay away... .then I asked what is going on and he just said he is wants to be alone and he is a loner. Total personality  change. face changed.Then told me he was sorry to break up because he knows I care and he doesn't want a relationship. He kept all my stuff and said he'd bring it back to my apt someday. A month later I asked for my stuff. He created a fake argument and started  a fight and got delusional, made up some stories that he does not like me and i lied (total fabrication in his mind)

And basically created some things in its head about me he dislikes as an excuse to blame me. It's so not him. He is amazing, kind and allllllways thinking about other people and helping anyone... .How did he flip personalities. He said he was a loner and I'm bothering him and not to contact him. its awful because the day before the trip we were having a great day and we're waiting all month to go away. I can't recover from him at all. How did others manage to deal with BPD loved ones that changed and shut themselves away. He has hidden himself. I'm locked out forever.

[blue917]

Ok. Thank you for reading.

It has been long enough. I should move on but I can't get my mind to erase him. He was absolutely charming, smart, and really knew how to read me in a short amount of time. He is the perfect predator.I feel he knew he would eventually leave me when mr. Hyde peaked. I think he knew. He sweeped me off my feet. After 5 months, he wisked me away on a vacation. But problem started at the airport. Entire trip, he shut down and would not communicate but continued to be attentive and civil With the occasional dirty looks or nasty comments... .was a horrible feeling for me. Here I was looking forward to an amazing trip and he has mentally checked out... came back and  broke up via text and said he will deliver my things and to stay away... .then I asked what is going on and he just said he is wants to be alone and he is a loner. Total personality  change. face changed.Then told me he was sorry to break up because he knows I care and he doesn't want a relationship. He kept all my stuff and said he'd bring it back to my apt someday. A month later I asked for my stuff. He created a fake argument and started  a fight and got delusional, made up some stories that he does not like me and i lied (total fabrication in his mind)

And basically created some things in its head about me he dislikes as an excuse to blame me. It's so not him. He is amazing, kind and allllllways thinking about other people and helping anyone... .How did he flip personalities. He said he was a loner and I'm bothering him and not to contact him. its awful because the day before the trip we were having a great day and we're waiting all month to go away. I can't recover from him at all. How did others manage to deal with BPD loved ones that changed and shut themselves away. He has hidden himself. I'm locked out forever.

[Mutt]

 

Hi blue917,

I'm sorry to hear that. It's tough getting the silent treatment and being cut off.

Dichotomous thinking or black and white thinking is a very common problem with a pwBPD.

BPD BEHAVIORS: Splitting

How long has he shut you out?

It helps to talk.

[JRT]

Blue

Really sorry to hear that this is going on. As Mutt mentioned, you were split and painted black as was I and most all non's here. This is typical behavior for a BPD. Mine did this after 2 years having just moved into my house as we began to plan our wedding!

Its really important for you to know that this is not about you and that there was likely nothing that you dad done that had caused this (as you probably already know) and nothing that you could have done to have prevented it. The chances are good that he did what he did BECAUSE he really thought really highly of you. You became to close and this triggered what you had experienced after that. Its a strange disorder.

It's been 5 months for me and I still think about her frequently though I have not heard a word from her at all. I have not idea where she lives and she has blocked me from communicating with her. It sounds like mine and yours are of the same mindset. Any attempt to communicate with them drives them further away from you  while it continues to prevent you from healing. The prevailing wisdom as it relates to this is to strictly avoid any contact of any kind. This includes phone, text and social media. I know that this seems like its a sentence or punishment to YOU but it is ultimately the thing that will help you to move on and recover from this.

I have found that learning all that I can about BPD and sharing/reading about the experiences of others has been very helpful. There is an endless amount of resources here that can help in this respect and the boards are visited by people like yourself that have this most unfortunate situation.

It takes a little bit of time, but it gets better as the days go on... .you WILL be okay, I promise. 

[patientandclear]

It's pretty unlikely you'll be shut out forever. If the non partner can manage not to take the "end" so seriously, to not shame and not require that they process issues when they return, pwBPD often change their minds about staying gone.

As to how someone can changed so dramatically: if you read Jeffrey Scott's work on schema therapy (easy to google) you'll see that it is thought that starkly different "modes," almost like different personalities, co-exist within the same person wBPD.

[downwhim]

Blue,

Sorry for your pain. Being painted black when your so in love and wanting from the r/s is truly devastating. We have all been on this rollercoaster ride wondering when it will stop and be normal again. Sorry to say it starts and stops and starts again... .

I think some BPD's get trigger flying. Many of us are nervous already but mine totally became unglued. Once between flights he picked a fight out of no where and yelled so others could hear "if you want to go on this trip with me blah blah blah... ." I was embarrassed and humiliated. Next time, great trip, fun time all week, different flights home. This must have made him nervous so he picked a fight at 4 am the night before leaving the vacation. Here we had had a great time and he woke me out of a dead sleep and started raging!

They are a piece of work. Jekyll and Hyde. Up and down, happy then mad, etc... we non's cannot figure it out as they turn so fast.

Please be kind to yourself. It is not your fault. There is no way you could make this better. He most likely will come back around sometime but by then you will have learned and grown and realized this behavior does not add to your life.

 

[apple2]

Ok. Thank you for reading.

It has been long enough. I should move on but I can't get my mind to erase him. He was absolutely charming, smart, and really knew how to read me in a short amount of time. He is the perfect predator.I feel he knew he would eventually leave me when mr. Hyde peaked. I think he knew. He sweeped me off my feet. After 5 months, he wisked me away on a vacation. But problem started at the airport. Entire trip, he shut down and would not communicate but continued to be attentive and civil With the occasional dirty looks or nasty comments... .was a horrible feeling for me. Here I was looking forward to an amazing trip and he has mentally checked out... came back and  broke up via text and said he will deliver my things and to stay away... .then I asked what is going on and he just said he is wants to be alone and he is a loner. Total personality  change. face changed.Then told me he was sorry to break up because he knows I care and he doesn't want a relationship. He kept all my stuff and said he'd bring it back to my apt someday. A month later I asked for my stuff. He created a fake argument and started  a fight and got delusional, made up some stories that he does not like me and i lied (total fabrication in his mind)

And basically created some things in its head about me he dislikes as an excuse to blame me. It's so not him. He is amazing, kind and allllllways thinking about other people and helping anyone... .How did he flip personalities. He said he was a loner and I'm bothering him and not to contact him. its awful because the day before the trip we were having a great day and we're waiting all month to go away. I can't recover from him at all. How did others manage to deal with BPD loved ones that changed and shut themselves away. He has hidden himself. I'm locked out forever.

Hi Blue,

it sounds like part of my own story.

Maybe the gentle version of him will come back. But I really hope you can be aware of it! I was weak. All my friends who knew the story forbid me to even talk to him. But finally I accepted him again, the pain for the first time was at once released. Nevertheless, this kind of thing will repeat. Every time you will feel more pain.

After the 1. break-up, I cried for 5 days. After the 2. one, I was deeply depressed for a whole month, could not eat , could not sleep long, had headache, stomache, and even now in the 2. month, I am better but not totally OK.

I was usually not a weak person and I did have some kind of psychological training in my university , but I cannot handle it, although I want to help to heal him and get the man I loved back.