In a 19 Year Old my uBPDexgf: there's little impulsive behavior.

[Depression = 72% of members]

Often times I read articles about how an important key of diagnosing someone with BPD impulsive behavior is, well my Ex showed little impulsive behaviors. She didn't like drinking, and she didn't even want to be around me after I smoked a cigar, because she said her dad almost died of lung cancer. She wouldn't let me have sex with her until months into relationship. She only has a handful of friends, she doesn't go out very much, never been to a party (high school or college, she's a freshman), and she watches a ton of Netflix.

Yet most all of the other signs of BPD she has. She manipulated me, went after my family through a 3rd party (one of her friends, more details on that here: https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=271943.0

So my question is, Does someone NECESSARILY have to be the classical impulsive in order to be BPD?

[Reecer1588]

Often times I read articles about how an important key of diagnosing someone with BPD impulsive behavior is, well my Ex showed little impulsive behaviors. She didn't like drinking, and she didn't even want to be around me after I smoked a cigar, because she said her dad almost died of lung cancer. She wouldn't let me have sex with her until months into relationship. She only has a handful of friends, she doesn't go out very much, never been to a party (high school or college, she's a freshman), and she watches a ton of Netflix.

Yet most all of the other signs of BPD she has. She manipulated me, went after my family through a 3rd party (one of her friends, more details on that here: https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=271943.0

So my question is, Does someone NECESSARILY have to be the classical impulsive in order to be BPD?

[Tim300]

So my question is, Does someone NECESSARILY have to be the classical impulsive in order to be BPD?

No.  To be considered a pwBPD you only need to exhibit 5 of the 9 BPD traits listed in the DSM.  One of these 9 traits is impulsivity.

In any event, it's possible that she has impulsivity issues as well but you just haven't seen it yet.  Also, consider how the impulsivity trait is worded: "Impulsivity in at least two areas that are potentially self-damaging (e.g., substance abuse, binge eating, and reckless driving)."  I think the literature often also cities promiscuity and gambling as additional examples.  Accordingly, your ex could be chaste, a non-drinker, and a non-smoker, and she could still meet this condition of impulsivity.  My ex got in 4 minor car accidents in just over a 12-month stretch and her mother (also a pwBPD) was a binge eater; her mother's biological father (my ex's grandfather) was a compulsive gambler.

[Reecer1588]

I myself am a gambling addict (it's in the past), I know she doesn't gamble.

She's skinny but she herself admitted that she "eats all the time."

[Tim300]

She's skinny but she herself admitted that she "eats all the time."

Here's a list of bullet points (pulled from online) to help identify binge eating:

   - Eats large amounts of food in a short period, for example, every 2 hours.

   - Is not able to control overeating, for example is unable to stop eating or control the amount of food.

   - Eats food very fast each time.

   - Keeps eating even when full (gorging) or until uncomfortably full.

   - Eats even though not hungry.

   - Eats alone (in secret).

   - Feels guilty, disgusted, ashamed, or depressed after eating so much

I suspect that almost everyone might do this from time to time.  However, with my ex's mother, it was a regular occurrence to eat excessive amounts (a huge entree, 2 large appetizers, and a desert all for herself) and to then feel guilty about it immediately afterwards and say "Wow I ate so much I could just vom."  At restaurants I was taken aback a couple times thinking "Why are you ordering so much."  She was obese.  My ex at one point told me "My mom binges".  Lol, writing this reminds me of how lucky I am to be outta there! 

[Reecer1588]

She's skinny but she herself admitted that she "eats all the time."

Here's a list of bullet points (pulled from online) to help identify binge eating:

   - Eats large amounts of food in a short period, for example, every 2 hours.

   - Is not able to control overeating, for example is unable to stop eating or control the amount of food.

   - Eats food very fast each time.

   - Keeps eating even when full (gorging) or until uncomfortably full.

   - Eats even though not hungry.

   - Eats alone (in secret).

   - Feels guilty, disgusted, ashamed, or depressed after eating so much

I suspect that almost everyone might do this from time to time.  However, with my ex's mother, it was a regular occurrence to eat excessive amounts (a huge entree, 2 large appetizers, and a desert all for herself) and to then feel guilty about it immediately afterwards and say "Wow I ate so much I could just vom."  At restaurants I was taken aback a couple times thinking "Why are you ordering so much."  She was obese.  My ex at one point told me "My mom binges".  Lol, writing this reminds me of how lucky I am to be outta there! 

Eh. This doesn't sound like my ex. My ex actually ate really slowly. Honestly, I don't even know what she does "impulsively" except rage and hurt me 

But really she does obsessively watch netflix, desperate housewives, now friends, she'll watch all the seasons of an entire show in a short period of time then watch them over and over again.

Really I think her BPD just started rearing its head, and the whole impulsive thing might come later.

[Tim300]

Really I think her BPD just started rearing its head, and the whole impulsive thing might come later.

This is quite possible.  Often "full blown" BPDisms might not be triggered until intense romantic intimacy develops in the form of getting engaged, moving in together, etc.  Incidentally, this is when my ex's car accidents picked up in frequency.  So it is likely that you did not see it at its worst.  Also, some sources do suggest that BPD might not really set in for someone until early adulthood; so perhaps it's still coming out.

[Reecer1588]

Really I think her BPD just started rearing its head, and the whole impulsive thing might come later.

This is quite possible.  Often "full blown" BPDisms might not be triggered until intense romantic intimacy develops in the form of getting engaged, moving in together, etc.  Incidentally, this is when my ex's car accidents picked up in frequency.  So it is likely that you did not see it at its worst.  Also, some sources do suggest that BPD might not really set in for someone until early adulthood; so perhaps it's still coming out.

Yes she is only 19 years old, just got down to college, just found some real independence. Her condition might be getting worse. For me, I saw her get a LOT worse within a period of about 2 months.