Finally left my gf after 2-2.5 years

[Beware of Junk Psychology...]

Hi guys. I'll just tell my story

I met this wonderful girl back in august of 2012. She was amazing. Beautiful to no end, intelligent, creative, charming and INSANELY seductive. She "fell in love" (as a BPD does) with me instantly. Within a couple of days, she said she wanted to be me girlfriend and that she loved me dearly. At the time, she was 20 and I was 26.

Having no boundaries back then, kind of being a child myself emotionally when I look back at it, I fell for it. I fell in love, instantly.

We did have a honeymoon period, but it was filled with anger, separation anxiety and lies as well. When we got together, some guy she had dated before (according to her) kept texting her that he missed her and such. She called him a stalker and she texted him back that she had met someone MUCH better (me) than he will ever be.  I didn't think much of it at the time, because I trusted her. That guy is who I became a few months ago. The abusive stalker. Yeah, right... .

Moving on, we met as often as we could, even though we lived 250 miles apart. We met every weekend. She never let me see her home, ever. She said it was messy. So every weekend I had to pay for a hotel to stay with her. She doesn't have a driver's license and was too lazy to travel to me.

I recall this one weekend, a couple of months into our relationship. I got up at 5:30, took a shower, went to school, got home, took a shower, changed, got into car, drove 250 miles to pick her up. She was 40 minutes late so I had to sit outside her home and wait for her to be ready - she would never let me in. When I picked her up, I took her out to dinner and paid for everything. I then rented a cabin in the woods for the weekend so we could spend it together close to nature. When we arrived, I had to do everything. Make the beds, carry our stuff into the cabin etc.

At about 11 pm, I was EXHAUSTED that day. I told her "honey, please let me sleep, I'm exhausted." We went to bed, and I held her in my arms. She started accusing me of fantasizing about other women. I said to her "please just let me sleep, I love you so much". She started crying and ran out. I fell asleep for 20 minutes, then woke up, and she still wasn't there. I got up and went out looking for her. Outside the house, there she was, with blood dripping from her left hand. She had cut herself. I started crying (I think, to be honest, mostly due to being absolutely exhausted, I couldn't take more that day) and held her. She cried too.

I should have just ended the relationship there and told her to go get help. But you all know I couldn't. This is just one of MANY, MANY indicents like it.

The last big incident (shortly before I had enough) was when I found texts in her phone. She had sent pictures of her naked (that *I* had taken off her, really beautiful pictures of her lying in my bed, looking happy) to 3-4-5 guys. To one of the guys, she had written "I want you to get two other guys. I want all of you to drug me, tie me up and rape me. Be brutal about it. Hit me, rape me. I might start crying and try to escape, but just hit me harder until I pass out or give up. Destroy me. I want you to videotape all of it too." I had to go see a T after reading that. I just couldn't take more destructiveness. I kinda knew that there was no going back for this girl after her texts. There is no hope for her. She's going to have to live the rest of her life in lies.

Early this year, I had enough. She said she loved me, she really wanted things to get better. I said "ok, let's work on things" She said she was going to a guy friend that day, but she couldn't say late because he had a friend who was going to sleep over there.

THe day after, I called her up. She whispered "I can't talk right now a friend is coming to get me" and hung up. Confused, but still kinda assuming what was going on, I called her up again. Eventually I got her to admit that she had stayed at that guys place over the night. "I only stayed because it got so late, and I'm going to wash my clothes here so I'll just stay for a little bit longer." I told her I can't take more of the lies, it's just too much now. "I'm going to block your number. I don't want a fight, I'm being calm, but seriously, your lies are just too much, I can't take more. Have a good life." I said. She started crying and the guy she was with took her phone. He was really angry with me, and told me I need to stop stalking her and destroying her life. I asked her if that's what she had told him. He just responded with "no but I can tell from the way you talk to her and make her cry all the time." She took the phone back and cried and said "I love you please don't block my number." I just hung up.

A few weeks later she shows up at my door. She starts crying and saying I'm the love of her life, she wants to marry me. I said "are you being serious with this?" "yes" she said. So I told her to give me her phone and let me look through her messages. If she was being honest, I would consider working on our relationship. If she really wanted to marry me, letting me look through her phone is not a big deal. I had to have SOME sign of trust if I was to consider working on our r/s. She wouldn't let me. In a tenth of a second, she switched to angry victim and attacked me, accusing me of being a control freak and psychopath. Then she was going to leave. Told her "if you say that to me and leave I'm not ever going to open the door when you show up again." She asked if she could have a hug. I hugged her. She asked if we could see each other over the weekend. I said sure, we can do that.

Just as I'm about to close the door when she's leaving, she stops me and says "if a girl attempts to contact you or call you, would you answer?" (I knew where this was going but I couldn't really care for it anymore) I just said "yes maybe I will." and very angrily and coldly said "ok, I don't want to ___ing see you this weekend. BYE" and just turned around and left. I didn't unblock her number and haven't heard from her since. It's been less than two weeks since she showed up though, so she probably will again at some point.

Although I still love her and miss her, I realize that she never loved me in the way I loved her. She's abused me to no end. Hit me, spat on me, kicked me, torn my clothes up, pulled my hair, threatened to burn me with cigarettes, threatened to cut me, thrown things at me, hit me with things. Also she's been unfaithful with 10 (yes, TEN) guys that I KNOW of. For a fact. 100%. So she's probably been with 10-15 more.

I realize how she's disordered, how she always plays the victim. I think her looks and seductiveness is what gets people (certainly got me). Because there's honestly NOTHING GOOD to say about her as a person. She has NO friends, even her parents and siblings cannot stand her anymore, she only hangs out with drug addicts and criminals, NO girl friends - only guys (and they weren't friends, they were sources of narcissistic supply). And her friends never stay longer than a few weeks at a time because they can't stand her. ALL of the people I introduced her to (my friends and some relatives, she never got to mee my FOO) disliked her. Not ONE single person liked her. Because there's nothing to like about her, except her being seductive.

In retrospect, those were the two most bizarre years in my life. She's a terrible, terrible person and I regret ever letting her into my life. During the first weeks after blocking her number and going NC, I got a lot of physical ailments. Fevers, shivering, stomach problems, aches, lost weight etc. I had to go see a T or I probably would have ended up comitting suicide. But god damn was it worth it - all the pain and suffering from leaving her. Staying in this r/s with her would have killed me anyway. She's a deeply disorered and absolutely insane individual.

It's interesting how lots of memories come back after going NC. So many evil things she did to me that I had forgotten. She kissed another guy in front of me on our first date. I should just have told her to go F herself there and never looked back.

Anyway. Even though I miss her, I realize it was all just an illusion. My advice to everyone is just to get out of your r/s with BPD. I don't even consider them human anymore. They are like animals. They feel, and they act. There's no past, no future. No thinking about things. Just feel -> act, feel -> act.

Had to get that off my chest. Welcome to ask anything.

[LonelyChild]

Hi guys. I'll just tell my story

I met this wonderful girl back in august of 2012. She was amazing. Beautiful to no end, intelligent, creative, charming and INSANELY seductive. She "fell in love" (as a BPD does) with me instantly. Within a couple of days, she said she wanted to be me girlfriend and that she loved me dearly. At the time, she was 20 and I was 26.

Having no boundaries back then, kind of being a child myself emotionally when I look back at it, I fell for it. I fell in love, instantly.

We did have a honeymoon period, but it was filled with anger, separation anxiety and lies as well. When we got together, some guy she had dated before (according to her) kept texting her that he missed her and such. She called him a stalker and she texted him back that she had met someone MUCH better (me) than he will ever be.  I didn't think much of it at the time, because I trusted her. That guy is who I became a few months ago. The abusive stalker. Yeah, right... .

Moving on, we met as often as we could, even though we lived 250 miles apart. We met every weekend. She never let me see her home, ever. She said it was messy. So every weekend I had to pay for a hotel to stay with her. She doesn't have a driver's license and was too lazy to travel to me.

I recall this one weekend, a couple of months into our relationship. I got up at 5:30, took a shower, went to school, got home, took a shower, changed, got into car, drove 250 miles to pick her up. She was 40 minutes late so I had to sit outside her home and wait for her to be ready - she would never let me in. When I picked her up, I took her out to dinner and paid for everything. I then rented a cabin in the woods for the weekend so we could spend it together close to nature. When we arrived, I had to do everything. Make the beds, carry our stuff into the cabin etc.

At about 11 pm, I was EXHAUSTED that day. I told her "honey, please let me sleep, I'm exhausted." We went to bed, and I held her in my arms. She started accusing me of fantasizing about other women. I said to her "please just let me sleep, I love you so much". She started crying and ran out. I fell asleep for 20 minutes, then woke up, and she still wasn't there. I got up and went out looking for her. Outside the house, there she was, with blood dripping from her left hand. She had cut herself. I started crying (I think, to be honest, mostly due to being absolutely exhausted, I couldn't take more that day) and held her. She cried too.

I should have just ended the relationship there and told her to go get help. But you all know I couldn't. This is just one of MANY, MANY indicents like it.

The last big incident (shortly before I had enough) was when I found texts in her phone. She had sent pictures of her naked (that *I* had taken off her, really beautiful pictures of her lying in my bed, looking happy) to 3-4-5 guys. To one of the guys, she had written "I want you to get two other guys. I want all of you to drug me, tie me up and rape me. Be brutal about it. Hit me, rape me. I might start crying and try to escape, but just hit me harder until I pass out or give up. Destroy me. I want you to videotape all of it too." I had to go see a T after reading that. I just couldn't take more destructiveness. I kinda knew that there was no going back for this girl after her texts. There is no hope for her. She's going to have to live the rest of her life in lies.

Early this year, I had enough. She said she loved me, she really wanted things to get better. I said "ok, let's work on things" She said she was going to a guy friend that day, but she couldn't say late because he had a friend who was going to sleep over there.

THe day after, I called her up. She whispered "I can't talk right now a friend is coming to get me" and hung up. Confused, but still kinda assuming what was going on, I called her up again. Eventually I got her to admit that she had stayed at that guys place over the night. "I only stayed because it got so late, and I'm going to wash my clothes here so I'll just stay for a little bit longer." I told her I can't take more of the lies, it's just too much now. "I'm going to block your number. I don't want a fight, I'm being calm, but seriously, your lies are just too much, I can't take more. Have a good life." I said. She started crying and the guy she was with took her phone. He was really angry with me, and told me I need to stop stalking her and destroying her life. I asked her if that's what she had told him. He just responded with "no but I can tell from the way you talk to her and make her cry all the time." She took the phone back and cried and said "I love you please don't block my number." I just hung up.

A few weeks later she shows up at my door. She starts crying and saying I'm the love of her life, she wants to marry me. I said "are you being serious with this?" "yes" she said. So I told her to give me her phone and let me look through her messages. If she was being honest, I would consider working on our relationship. If she really wanted to marry me, letting me look through her phone is not a big deal. I had to have SOME sign of trust if I was to consider working on our r/s. She wouldn't let me. In a tenth of a second, she switched to angry victim and attacked me, accusing me of being a control freak and psychopath. Then she was going to leave. Told her "if you say that to me and leave I'm not ever going to open the door when you show up again." She asked if she could have a hug. I hugged her. She asked if we could see each other over the weekend. I said sure, we can do that.

Just as I'm about to close the door when she's leaving, she stops me and says "if a girl attempts to contact you or call you, would you answer?" (I knew where this was going but I couldn't really care for it anymore) I just said "yes maybe I will." and very angrily and coldly said "ok, I don't want to ___ing see you this weekend. BYE" and just turned around and left. I didn't unblock her number and haven't heard from her since. It's been less than two weeks since she showed up though, so she probably will again at some point.

Although I still love her and miss her, I realize that she never loved me in the way I loved her. She's abused me to no end. Hit me, spat on me, kicked me, torn my clothes up, pulled my hair, threatened to burn me with cigarettes, threatened to cut me, thrown things at me, hit me with things. Also she's been unfaithful with 10 (yes, TEN) guys that I KNOW of. For a fact. 100%. So she's probably been with 10-15 more.

I realize how she's disordered, how she always plays the victim. I think her looks and seductiveness is what gets people (certainly got me). Because there's honestly NOTHING GOOD to say about her as a person. She has NO friends, even her parents and siblings cannot stand her anymore, she only hangs out with drug addicts and criminals, NO girl friends - only guys (and they weren't friends, they were sources of narcissistic supply). And her friends never stay longer than a few weeks at a time because they can't stand her. ALL of the people I introduced her to (my friends and some relatives, she never got to mee my FOO) disliked her. Not ONE single person liked her. Because there's nothing to like about her, except her being seductive.

In retrospect, those were the two most bizarre years in my life. She's a terrible, terrible person and I regret ever letting her into my life. During the first weeks after blocking her number and going NC, I got a lot of physical ailments. Fevers, shivering, stomach problems, aches, lost weight etc. I had to go see a T or I probably would have ended up comitting suicide. But god damn was it worth it - all the pain and suffering from leaving her. Staying in this r/s with her would have killed me anyway. She's a deeply disorered and absolutely insane individual.

It's interesting how lots of memories come back after going NC. So many evil things she did to me that I had forgotten. She kissed another guy in front of me on our first date. I should just have told her to go F herself there and never looked back.

Anyway. Even though I miss her, I realize it was all just an illusion. My advice to everyone is just to get out of your r/s with BPD. I don't even consider them human anymore. They are like animals. They feel, and they act. There's no past, no future. No thinking about things. Just feel -> act, feel -> act.

Had to get that off my chest. Welcome to ask anything.

[JohnLove]

Hi LonelyChild. I read your story with interest. Your FOG lifted at some point. You are now a mentally stronger and more mature human being because of this experience.

CONGRATULATIONS TO YOU... . 

[LonelyChild]

I just said "yes maybe I will." and very angrily and coldly said "ok, I don't want to  please read               |ing see you this weekend. BYE" and just turned around and left. I didn't unblock her number and haven't heard from her since. It's been less than two weeks since she showed up though, so she probably will again at some point.

I need to correct this. SHE's the one who angrily and coldly said "I don't want to effing see you this weekend, bye." Not I. Horrible typo.


Anyway, she contacted me today, on Facebook (should probably block her there too). Saying "how can you do this to me?" "how can you be over me so easily?" "don't you want to spend the rest of your life with me?" etc. What an insane human being. How can *I* do this to *her*... .LOL.

[zeus123]

WOW WOW . if i was you i would take one way flight to planet mars(metaphorically) and disappear completely from her life. you shall(mandatory) implement NC rules, and NO CONTACT categorically. DELETE DELETE DELETE her from your life until the end of time .really!

[bpdguy]

Im really pleased for you buddy. Well done- Ive learnt its difficult to let go. No doubt you'll get a girl you deserve. You dont sound like a vengeful person, but ill let you know unfortunately she is suffering alot at this moment. And the level of her symptoms sound like to me, if she wasnt so seductive beautiful etc... .she would end up killing herself (from what I know and as a fellow BPD).

[LonelyChild]

Im really pleased for you buddy. Well done- Ive learnt its difficult to let go. No doubt you'll get a girl you deserve. You dont sound like a vengeful person, but ill let you know unfortunately she is suffering alot at this moment. And the level of her symptoms sound like to me, if she wasnt so seductive beautiful etc... .she would end up killing herself (from what I know and as a fellow BPD).

I'm not vengeful at all. I feel so sad for her. I wish there was something I could do. She started messaging me on Facebook today. First saying how much she loves me, wants to spend the rest of her life with me. I ignoed it. Then went on to accuse me of making her brother become friends with drug dealers (this is pure fantasy, I have no idea what she's talking about). Then questioned how I can let her go so easily (I almost killed myself in the process). I just kept ignoring. As much as I want to tell her I love her and just hug her, I know it won't change anything.