BPD Facebook behavior and its meaning.

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

He broke with her due to push-pull behavior. Immediately after break up, ExBPDgf started posting pictures where she is vacationing in Canada with her women friends and seems extremely happy, jumping like and 13 year old girl and ecstatic putting uplifting comments like "life is short... .have fun"  , "you deserve happiness like I do" "No one should be important more than your own happiness" "Go have fun... and don't worry about little things" "  These pictures are followed by "preachy" messages and silly cartoons and then, complete blank pages for next 3 days (nothing)

What does this behavior mean and who is she sending these  messages ... .to herself or her ?ex-lover ? In pictures, there is no man... all are her women friends.

[wanttoknowmore]

He broke with her due to push-pull behavior. Immediately after break up, ExBPDgf started posting pictures where she is vacationing in Canada with her women friends and seems extremely happy, jumping like and 13 year old girl and ecstatic putting uplifting comments like "life is short... .have fun"  , "you deserve happiness like I do" "No one should be important more than your own happiness" "Go have fun... and don't worry about little things" "  These pictures are followed by "preachy" messages and silly cartoons and then, complete blank pages for next 3 days (nothing)

What does this behavior mean and who is she sending these  messages ... .to herself or her ?ex-lover ? In pictures, there is no man... all are her women friends.

[eyvindr]

Only she knows. Could be an attempt on her part to prop herself up, maybe in denial about feeling sorrow or a sense of guilt. Who knows. In any case, it's attention-seeking behavior, though even in that case the true intent and effect can be complicated to understand. PwBPD have been known to create content for no other reason than to generate, even on the most superficial level. My ex, for example, would regularly "like" her own FB posts, and "+1" her Google+ posts. Almost as if she was performing for herself as well as everyone else. She was both actor and audience.

Who knows.

[mitatsu]

It's all a 'front' a coping mechanism of how good life is without you... .when most of us know it's hell for them but they cannot show weak emotion or the fact they miss you and truly regret whats happened

and yep its for the ex's benefit of 'how little' you mean to them

stay strong you will heal they may not  

[Suzn]

He broke with her due to push-pull behavior.

How do you know about all of this? Is he a friend of yours?

[Mutt]

Immediately after break up, ExBPDgf started posting pictures where she is vacationing in Canada with her women friends and seems extremely happy, jumping like and 13 year old girl and ecstatic putting uplifting comments like "life is short... .have fun"  , "you deserve happiness like I do" "No one should be important more than your own happiness" "Go have fun... and don't worry about little things" "

A pwBPD have a false sense of self and wear different masks and would have to face the painful trauma to find the authentic self.

What she projects is different than what she feels. She feels low self worth, self loathes, chronic feelings of emptiness, shame and guilt.

On the other hand she could have been mirroring her friends.

It also sounds like she had a lot of fun and a good time with peers 

It is what it is.

[JRT]

It's usually a show; propaganda for someone else to see.

[4Years5Months]

My ex has been parading my replacement around on Facebook for the month or so that they have been together.  Photos, and especially check-ins.  For a while, her only posts were check-ins at places they went to.  Every once in a while, she will post one of her self-loathing/crappy day/life sucks status updates, but mostly it is about how happy she is.  I guess that is to be expected in the idealization phase.  For the record, I've found out all of this secondhand, as she unfriended me 5 minutes after the last breakup.  I don't think any of it is so I find out, either.

One of our mutual friends said something to me that has really resonated: 

"She seems more interested in appearing to be happy than actually being happy."

Facebook is an identity that you can control.  YOU decide what appears on your profile.  It's heaven for a BPDer if you think about it, because all of those orbiter drive-by "friends" can like and comment on posts and photos from a safe emotional distance.  And most comments on Facebook are complimentary, which is fuel for a BPDer who goes through such hell every day.  My ex used to regularly count and report how many likes she had gotten on a post, always with astonishment.  "Wow, my post about getting an A on my exam is up to 14 likes!"  I could tell it was a form of validation for her.

When I went public (on Facebook, ha) with details of the crap I went through for five years with her (after she started flaunting my latest replacement and I couldn't just sit back and and say nothing - she will never see it as we aren't friends on there), mutual friends were astonished.  The consensus response I received was "I knew there was something off about the relationship between you two, but I didn't think it was THAT bad."  I also heard several people tell me that my ex is the most negative "Facebooker" they know.  Ha.

Her mother is her times 100.  43, twice divorced (second marriage ended due to her infidelity - my ex said it was because her ex-husband was such a jerk, of course), at least THIRTY recycles with her long term boyfriend/safety net, IMMENSE money troubles (several times police officers have summoned her at her home for unpaid bills), still goes out virtually every night... .I just looked at her profile before typing this reply, and you wouldn't know ANY of that was happening.  She seems like a fun, cultured woman.  A woman who has about 50 different selfie photos in the last six months, too.  And of course each of those photos as 50+ likes and "so gorgeous!" comments left and right (with her replying how flattered she is). 

There is zero indication of the darkness she lives in.  With my ex, there are signs, but she is VERY crafty at making it all seem like casual ranting.  If only people knew how much turmoil she goes through every single day.

[wanttoknowmore]

For pwBPDs, facebook seems to be an amazing tool where they can put pictures and stuff to self promote and sell the lies about themselves. e.g.  A pwBPD whose children are failing in school, abusing drugs and create chaos are shown well dressed, well-behaved , smart and perfect in posted pictures.  A pwBPD who has cancer and has a lot of weakness and hardly walk far is showing in a picture of herself climbing a mountain . another one posting pictures of her travels and how ecstatic she is and her friends know she is very miserable in real life. Its true it should be called FAKE BOOK.

[Duder]

Yep,fb is their best tool.its all fake though. They use it for validation of their choices,compliments, and to act like a victim. Sad individuals they are

[trappedinlove]

For pwBPDs, facebook seems to be an amazing tool where they can put pictures and stuff to self promote and sell the lies about themselves. e.g.  A pwBPD whose children are failing in school, abusing drugs and create chaos are shown well dressed, well-behaved , smart and perfect in posted pictures.  A pwBPD who has cancer and has a lot of weakness and hardly walk far is showing in a picture of herself climbing a mountain . another one posting pictures of her travels and how ecstatic she is and her friends know she is very miserable in real life. Its true it should be called FAKE BOOK.

Sadly, we all are. Beautifying one's life on facebook is very typical unfotunately and there even some research around this where it is seen to promote depression in fb users.  The difference lies in how disturbed this behavior is. Traits like over compartmentalization - showing dufferent things to different people, and other real life BPD traits that are amplified on the virtual social media.

There is zero indication of the darkness she lives in.  With my ex, there are signs, but she is VERY crafty at making it all seem like casual ranting.  If only people knew how much turmoil she goes through every single day.

My uBPDxso did indicate the darkness she lived in for quite a while, though many times only to selected groups of people that I was part of. I didn't quite figure out what was her selection criteria as some seemed close friends than others as far as I knew, ex-es were included intermittantly.

[StarOfTheSea]

Just wanted to chime in on the subject of FB. That site is a dream come true for BPD's. It lets them create a carefully curated persona and all the 'likes', etc. give them the attention they crave. It also gives them a passive-aggressive way to keep hurting us, but only if we look.

Most everything my exBPDbf has put up since our b/u has been total bs. He's trying to look like he's happy and wildly in love, but one look at him tells me he's stressed and under some heavy psychological pressure. His eyes look scary. I'm sure his  'friends' (oddly enough none of them live in the area) think he's doing great. I know him, and he's not.

Plus, if you think about it posts, status updates, etc have no substance to them. So it's not like they're doing any intense, deep communication.

[4Years5Months]

It's funny, my ex on three different occasions over the 5 years we dated inactivated her Facebook account, saying she was sick of seeing the people on there, it was a catch-all and didn't represent real friendships, blah blah blah.  She even posted a big update about HOW she was going to delete her Facebook, and left her phone number on there and advised everyone to contact her that way.  Of course, no one did, and she was back on within a week or so.

She would regularly complain about how she hated it, but told me one time, "Not having it makes you realize how alone you are."  I laughed at the time, but man, what a prophetic statement.

So yeah, she's been posting happy status updates left and right and photos of and with my replacement, like they are in love.  Funny how much she uses it now.  Oh, his divorce isn't even finalized yet, but no one knows that part.  Whoops.  I'm sure she thinks I'm doing the same with the girl I'm seeing (she has no idea, but I'm sure she assumes I am seeing someone) but guess what?  I haven't even mentioned her on Facebook, because I like keeping that to myself for now.  Some people do that, and others take a cheek-to-cheek photo after being together a week.  Oh well.

[hibye]

I agree with all of the above regarding fb.

They can post on your wall and play the victim role.

Post love notes to manipulate you.

Post love songs.

Add how the feel (loved etc) in their check in.

Post images with quotes.

Post old images of you two being together.

And so many more... .

I have blocked her but i am too weak at this time to not look at her profile every now and then with a fake account. She knows-guesses that and posts in public how much in love she is with the new guy etc etc. This is what irritates me the most. It reminds me that every effort i made for her-us wasn't worth it.

Now concerning the new guy what i believe: It's not necessary that she is faking. She is in the honeymoon phase and she is enjoying it. Deeply inside she knows she has issues and she tries simultaneously to convince herself that she has not. She found an easier victim and tries to tie him up as soon as she can before he finds out what's going on.

There will be times that she will be thinking about me (she sent a fb request to a relative of mine, checks in public to places near me) but she seems so desperate to find someone to marry her asap because i didn't.

I tried 2-3 times to tell her that she has issues but she wouldn't listen. I must admit that i was afraid of her responses on this.

I want her to be happy because i still love her even though some times i hate her. She did earn that... .love me i hate you.

[Mr Hollande]

I'll echo what many others have said. It's a front put up in order to show strength, indifference and superiority. Smoke and mirrors. Part of a game aimed at you which is one of several reasons not to snoop. The beauty of FB though is that it's a double edged sword. You too can play that game in return if you should so fancy. I did for a while with mine and I would say it worked. For whatever it may have actually have been worth it seemingly gave her the impression that I was doing well and getting on with life. Which in reality I was, although I was also crushed. By leaving the crushed bit out and amplifying the doing well and getting on with life part it would appear I had her somewhat puzzled as she kept contacting me. I never engaged. Phones were put down and PM's ignored. Having her peaking over the wall I'd erected was an OK substitute for a while but there came a time to end that silly game and take a more serious step towards moving on so one day I blocked her and that was that.

[wanttoknowmore]

At this point... .when I am strong enough to observe objectively ... .the drama/games and try to discern the meaning of BPD behaviors and their mindset after B/U... .seeing and analysing her FB activity is a recreational and learning opportunity.

After posting the super happy pics in a foreign land... .she posted a pic with a female friend in a bar. In this pic. she is very well groomed, laughing ecstatically with a huge bottle

of wine/liquor ... .BTW... .she never used to drink and she knows I hate alcoholic drinks ... .a few days later, the pic changes to a big fish crying with her tears all over in which little fishes( baby fishes) are swimming. (confusing)  ... .again after a little while, eating with her female friends in a restaurant and showing plates full of left over bones of chicken or other animal... .She knows that meat... .esp. left over bones in a plate makes me feel disgusted... .(she knows that)... .amusing isn't it ?

She has 715 FB friends... .some men who always "like" "like" "like it" to her pics and she repeats... ."thanks all who liked"  By the way, today, she wore a T-shirt  of my favorite color

and showing big smile and thumbs up pose... .WOW... .a lot of contradictory symbolism but also ,billboards... .such as ... ."What you give... .that comes back to you" (Karma)... ."life is too short to waste on holding grudges"  "Spend time with ones who make you happy... .get rid of miserable people" "All we need to be happy is simple food and and a roof on our head"  etc etc.

Don't you love this newly minted preacher ? I do ! 

[still_in_shock]

After my 6 weeks absence and then return home to a complete disaster (him having totally checked out of the marriage, etc) and a big fight that followed, the first thing he's done is to remove his "married" status off this FB page, delink me as his wife, remove all pictures of us together and totally blocking me off of this account. And I only found out about it a fews weeks after that, when we have already sort of made up. And we were married, not just dating or in a relationship, please note... .

I am still blocked off of his account. All his family members are still my friends, and I sometimes see them posting pictures with him. He looks super happy. Like utterly happy. I will never forget how he cheered his freedom to a friend of his over the whatsup texts when he was kicking me out of the apartment in winter, and all the inhumane behavior of his back when he went nuts.

How do you all see their activity? Are you still friends on FB?

I guess mine is particularly narcissic given his impulses and actions as to remove me (his wife, for God's sake who doesn't even know what her fault was for traveling to check on her ailing father abroad) from all his records. As if I never existed in his life.  

[Mr Hollande]

It's the usual nonsense people with disorders post. "Love me for who I am" signs etc. Add a few flowers, some butterflies, paint brushed angels and garish colours. To the trained eye poor attempts to cover the cracks of a façade that is shattering in slow motion.

Does objectively observing the cracks in her façade give you any benefits?

[enlighten me]

We can sometimes read too much into fb posts. Yes a lot will be passive aggressive attacks but not all. What I prefer to do is look at paaterns.

Here is what I realised with my ex gf fb behaviour.

when she feeld down she makes new connections. Likes others posts and posts selfies or family pics.

If she has done something wrong she hides. Stays off fb.

when she has a new shiny toy she forgets her old friends and family.

when tge toy gets boring she reconnects with her old friend and family.

when she is happy or having fun she hardly goes on.

These patterns play out all the time with my ex and are what I pay attention to more than the content of her posts.

[antelope]

We can sometimes read too much into fb posts. Yes a lot will be passive aggressive attacks but not all. What I prefer to do is look at paaterns.

Here is what I realised with my ex gf fb behaviour.

when she feeld down she makes new connections. Likes others posts and posts selfies or family pics.

If she has done something wrong she hides. Stays off fb.

when she has a new shiny toy she forgets her old friends and family.

when tge toy gets boring she reconnects with her old friend and family.

when she is happy or having fun she hardly goes on.

These patterns play out all the time with my ex and are what I pay attention to more than the content of her posts.

and that pattern on fb, like the pattern of their lives, is defined by: INCONSISTENCY

[UserName69]

He broke with her due to push-pull behavior. Immediately after break up, ExBPDgf started posting pictures where she is vacationing in Canada with her women friends and seems extremely happy, jumping like and 13 year old girl and ecstatic putting uplifting comments like "life is short... .have fun"  , "you deserve happiness like I do" "No one should be important more than your own happiness" "Go have fun... .and don't worry about little things" "  These pictures are followed by "preachy" messages and silly cartoons and then, complete blank pages for next 3 days (nothing)

What does this behavior mean and who is she sending these  messages ... .to herself or her ?ex-lover ? In pictures, there is no man... .all are her women friends.

She want's attention. My ExBPDgf was the same, according to her she used to party a lot when we had our last fight before we broke up. I knew this was a lie because she nearly had enough money for toilet paper yet parties. Once when we had a fight she posted on her FB that she's single and date-able. Before she blocked me on FB she took a shot of her eyes in an angry look and used that as a profile pic. Once she posted something that she's starting to flirt with guys again.

She used also to flirt with guys on Facebook. I bet she wanted to make me jealous, she knows I never get jealous over something. Those guys only would sleep with her and dump her. That only would hurt her and not me, because she has no pride and honor doing that. I'm in my mid-twenties and still flirting over Facebook with someone is just lame, do it the old fashioned way and you'll deserve my respect.

They're playing games with you, they want to let you suffer. Don't fall for it it's all a lie. In reality they're all messed up, it's really the opposite depiction of them. They're not happy as they claim to be, for them this is their revenge. That's why you need to break all the contact, get rid of everything that reminds you of her.

I didn't care about what she posted on FB, once when we broke up I met an another girl at a bar I use to visit. I gave her my phone number and we did chat via WhatsApp for a long period. I knew she liked me and later I told myself why do I need to keep up with my BPDgf if I can get someone that respects me and doesn't play with my feelings. This new girl became my girlfriend. My exBPD probably knows about it and I really don't care about her.

You shouldn't care about your exBPD, it's their fault not yours. They only hurt you and they act like they're the victim. You are way too good for that. Move on and find an another partner. Believe me you'll be a very happy person once that happens. I can promise you that. The only feeling I have for my ex is hate. I do hate her a lot, and I hope she never gets a relationship with anyone.

[llor]

My ex wife has been like that on facebook since we broke up. Loads of # and post about her new glamorous life with her friends and in her new place.

Its a front not necessarly for me (we are not FB friends anymore) put for the world to see as well.

[wanttoknowmore]

Its easier... .I think... .when you are able to hate her... .My problem is that I am unable to hate her and still harbor the wishful thinking that she might understand her disorder and become happier some day ... .at least  somewhat. Mine never have given a hint /clue that she has someone else or is trying to be with other men.  She just posts pics with her girl friends... .how happy she is and how she is having fun these days.

Fake book behavior is very interesting as you can get some glimpse of their mind if you try to deeply analyse ... .and ask... .why she is posting what she is posting and what her goal is?  Is it to hurt your feelings? Is it to re-attract you ? There are veiled messages... .only if you can see through them.

I never had a face book a/c myself... .It was she who did something to her account 4 years ago and connected it in such a way that I can put the username and password (she gave me) and it takes me to her FB page.  She made the username using first 3 letters of our names and joined them together.  She never blocked me... .never discontinued this a/c... .

sometimes she does not post for a few days and then, you have a flurry of activity with lots of pics.

To me FB is a place for deception and false advertisement for many people... .esp. pwBPDs and Narcissists... .  The most prolific users of face book are Borderlines and Narcissists... .For pwBPD.its a place to stay connected and not feel lonely... .whereas for Narcissists... .its a place to declare and announce to World... .how grand they are and how better they are than all other ordinary folks. 

[UserName69]

Its easier... .I think... .when you are able to hate her... .My problem is that I am unable to hate her and still harbor the wishful thinking that she might understand her disorder and become happier some day ... .at least  somewhat.

True, but the only way to hate your ex is if you only think about all the damage she caused. I really it depends on the person. Many people come her and say they love their exPBD and want to continue the relationship but meanwhile they remain NC and have blocked their exes from any form of communication. That doesn't make sense to me, in my opinion they're only making things worse for themselves. I used to love my exBPD now I feel the opposite, I really hate her and I can't stand the idea I used to sleep and love her. I could never go back to her, even if she was the last person on this planet I simply can't. We've broke up many times I can't see why it would work in the future. It's time to move on.

To me FB is a place for deception and false advertisement for many people... .esp. pwBPDs and Narcissists... .  The most prolific users of face book are Borderlines and Narcissists... .For pwBPD.its a place to stay connected and not feel lonely... .whereas for Narcissists... .its a place to declare and announce to World... .how grand they are and how better they are than all other ordinary folks. 

Welcome on the internet, a place where everybody is perfect  Sometimes it can be hilarious, I have seen them all. People who brag about how great they are, show off with their new clothes, make photo's of their dinner and literally anything they're going to eat, people who worship their partners (greeting them every morning on facebook "i love you blablablabla", people who use FB as a diary; updating their status every second, people who think they're actually popular because they have 1000+ friends on FB (oh yeah how many friends do you have in real life?) 

[icesoul]

He broke with her due to push-pull behavior. Immediately after break up, ExBPDgf started posting pictures where she is vacationing in Canada with her women friends and seems extremely happy, jumping like and 13 year old girl and ecstatic putting uplifting comments like "life is short... .have fun"  , "you deserve happiness like I do" "No one should be important more than your own happiness" "Go have fun... and don't worry about little things" "  These pictures are followed by "preachy" messages and silly cartoons and then, complete blank pages for next 3 days (nothing)

What does this behavior mean and who is she sending these  messages ... .to herself or her ?ex-lover ? In pictures, there is no man... all are her women friends.

 

my soon to be x wife posting pictures of her kissing the replacement, it stayed for up 2 months. now she just keeps writing how hes is the best thing that happened to her, calling him future husband and how much she loves him and hes the best thing that happened to her. her showing of affection started instantly she got with him by dumping me (sending me to jail with false allegations) and running to him. now in 2months she moved with him.

are they really trying to put a show for people? she is showing herself drinking (living backwards), she gave birth to my 4th child a month ago. is this to make me jealous? or is it simply she really likes the guy. im not sure why she gota show her affection of love through facebook posts, all she gets is comments like "awww, how sweet".  excuse my language, but she is a mental retard to dump a father or 4children and get with a loser, and think he is her family and the savior, while alienating my kids.

i love her and all but she is act like i never existed. her facebook behavior is so confusing. she made completely new facebook friends, i doubt she dont even know them. she hardly knows the guy, met him from facebook and straight moved in with him. these people are truly sick. it was so painful and soul shattering to watch. after 5 months, im finally starting to move on, dropped all the reunion fantasies, the girl really wants to hurt me. gota reject the rejector, cause any affection wanting her back through friends and family pushed her further away.

is the facebook expressing of self of love to the replacement, is this all a show/act? is it to make me jealous? or is not even for me but showing her past friends/family she is happy? she trying to convince herself shes happy? knowing dam well it was an decision to dump hubby in jail and getting on with a loser. and showing she made the right move (impulsive one) to satisfy her own ego.  or is she truly happy? i couldnt call it witch one is her reality.

 and in initial honeymoon infatuation phase. what i notice, she is hyper active to her replacement posts, always liking everything, every post is how much hes the greatest and she loves him (weirdo)

everybody really did abandon my soon to be xwife, cause they all felt like he destroyed my kids future by getting with a loser. everybody is questioning her bad behavior, she is really exposed.