Animal neglect by ex - should I do something

[Depression = 72% of members]

Something else has been bothering me. My ex in his mirroring stage several years ago bought a breed of dog just like mine. Spitting image. The dog spends 18 hours a day locked in a cage at his house, and lying in its own urine and feces. The dog is also way overdue on shots and vet care. He says it costs too much. Is this neglect? Please know I am in no way attempting to be vindictive but as an animal lover  this situation positively sickens me. Should I just let it go?

[Beach_Babe]

Something else has been bothering me. My ex in his mirroring stage several years ago bought a breed of dog just like mine. Spitting image. The dog spends 18 hours a day locked in a cage at his house, and lying in its own urine and feces. The dog is also way overdue on shots and vet care. He says it costs too much. Is this neglect? Please know I am in no way attempting to be vindictive but as an animal lover  this situation positively sickens me. Should I just let it go?

[mitatsu]

In the U.K we have the RSPCA who we can voice concerns to,maybe there is a org you can contact with the same? be careful of Bpd rage though as they will become very vindictive if they get any wind of wronging them 

[Beach_Babe]

Thats what I am afraid of.

[raisins3142]

I would do something.  The dog, like a child, has no choice to leave.

[Beach_Babe]

In the past he got very angry when I broached the subject, or even offered to pay vet bills. One time while I was visiting I cleaned out the poor dog's cage and gave him a bath (ex was at work) ex went berzerk. He put the dog back in his cage and when  I tried to give the dog fresh water (there was none there for him) he knocked the water bowl out of my hand and pushed me to the ground. Sometimes he is rough the way he handles the dog also (the little guy is only 13 pounds). I dont think he enjoys hurting him, its not abuse per se... .  more like neglect. He does take the dog out of its cage and for walks to places where he will attract him attention (dog is very cute). But that seems to be the extent of his caring. I even offered him a substantial amount to just sell the dog to me not knowing what else to do. He refused said I should mind my own business. It breaks my heart.

[Beach_Babe]

Is cruelty to animals characteristic of BPD? Can they split them black too? He said he bought the dog to remind me of him and at first treated him well. Gradually however as he began splitting me black the mistreatment seemed to get worse. I feel so guilty. Maybe this is my fault too =(

[Duder]

Beach, definitely do something. Call animal control.I know you are in pain,but that poor dog deserves better.

[raisins3142]

I do not want to place another in harms way.  So, I will only state what I would do.  You know more and so can only make the best call in terms of balancing your own safety.

What you said he did was already cruelty and neglect.  It was characteristic of him therefore.  How it relates to BPD is purely academic at that point.  I would call and explain the situation to animal control and make it anonymous.  They can get the animal before he can harm it out of spite and also cover so that it is not traceable to anyone.  If he asks, then I would deny any involvement or simply not respond at all.

[JohnLove]

I can only say get that animal some genuine help. This smacks of a BPD control issue. People often hurt or neglect animals before moving to higher order animals such as humans.

Get that animal some help... . and then get yourself some help. I don't know what you would call a primary relationship where your SO is physically abusive and knocks you to the ground.

A relationship where you can't speak up in the face of obvious cruelty?

I fear for you both.

[raisins3142]

Neglect is cruelty, even for a nonsocial animal like a reptile.  For a social animal like a dog, neglect is also psychological torture.  I just wanted to write this after rereading one of your other posts more clearly.

To another poster above, this is her ex.  So, she is not in the relationship now.

[lawman79]

I actually think BPDs can split animals black too as silly as that sounds.  My ex and I adopted a lab puppy together last March (even though this was to be my dog).  Towards the end of the relationship when she was threatening and verbal abusing me, she would say nasty stuff about the dog.  Once she threatened to kidnap the dog, poison her and give her dead body back to me in a tash bag.  The last time we spoke she said she hopes the dog gets sick and dies.  So even though she was crazy about this puppy at one point, she clearly hates this dog as much as she hates me now. 

[Beach_Babe]

Dunder: I am trying to think of how to do it so he wont know its me. Because ive kinda hinted to him this is neglect in the past he probably will know it is.

raisins: thats a good idea maybe I can do it that way. I didnt want to seem vindictive. Why should I have compassion for such a remorseless soul? BPD or no.

Johnlove: yeah maybe it is a blessing he left.

lawman79: wow that is one sick puppy (no pun intended) you dated there. My dog sleeps right in bed with me and is spoon fed. About as spoiled as it gets. I cant imagine what kind of a sick monster your ex must be.

[lawman79]

 My dog also sleeps in bed with me.  She's the only good thing that came out of my relationship.  My ex also had a Lab... . he I kinda miss.   Ex told me my dog was useless and worthless.  What is a Lab puppy supposed to be useful for? Kisses and companionship?

[Skip]

You live in a region that has very strong animal control laws. You have that behind you.

Two questions:

Why now? He was doing this before and you didn't call. Just sanity check yourself to be sure that its not subconscious way to stay connected.  Fighting, believe it or not, is a way to stay connected.  The flip side can be true - is he doing this to get a reaction from you?

Will it matter?  I know from talking to rescues and animal control in my area that there are some things they can do well and some that they can't - were an owner can easily wiggle out of.  

Talking to family members may not help either - not all families value animals the same way (e.g some sleep outside in a dog house in the rain, some sleep in a warm bed with PJs on).  :)on't take on a battle that can't be won.

It is heartbreaking to hear of any puppy living a substandard life.  My friends in rescue always remind me that they have limited resources and can't save every dog - they pick the battles that they know will save the most dogs for the effort and $.  Municipal animal control, although they won't admit it, often work the same way.

 to the little guy.  

So where is this - abuse, cruelty, neglect, not great? Do you have an actionable case? 

How is his family or friends - anyone have his ear?  

Will he surrender the dog (maybe to someone else)?  

Will he sell the dog?

[Beach_Babe]

I tried many times to broach the subject with him Skip and it only made him angry. I offered to buy the dog, tried to convince him to give it to rescue since he always complained about it to no avail. I felt so bad I even offered to pay out of my pocket for much needed vet care. I never called aspca on him because I didnt want to make him angry or have him never speak to me again. Since he already has decided that ... .dunno.

My heart breaks for that poor animal.

He is very wealthy however I wonder if anyone will actually do anything... .

[antelope]

Is cruelty to animals characteristic of BPD?

my ex had tremendous jealousy for the attention pets around her received throughout her life... .she made a few of them 'disappear' under the guise that they 'ran away'

[JohnLove]

Standing up for a voiceless pet that is very clearly being neglected and abused is not taking on a battle that you can't win. You must provide that animal with a voice. You must do what you can. It is all the more disappointing that lack of finances are not a contributing factor.

Do whatever you can. Do what you think is right. Leave it at that.

[Beach_Babe]

antelope: Thats terrible your ex did that. How many animals went missing.

Johnlove: yes my ex is very wealthy, it is sad. He is just very cheap when it comes to anything but himself.

lawman79: how is the puppy doing?

[Beach_Babe]

Thanks for all of your kind responses.  Please know there is a difference between thinking and doing. I would not want to do something to further engage or upset ex. I still feel bad about it though.

[downwhim]

My ex would say he loved animals (dogs in particular) but at times he would complain about my Shih Tzu. She is old and not all here anymore sometimes. She would do something wrong or odd because she can't see very well and he would basically say she was worthless... .mean and cruel. She sleeps with me every night and is a sweetheart.

I would report the dog as a suffering animal and be quiet about who I told anything to... .your ex sounds so abusive and cruel.