30 Days NC. Never thought id make it this far

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

Today marks 30 days NC. (2 weeks for mutual friend)  

Thirty days since he last spoke to me via "force" when mutual friend called him, told him he " had a surprise"then handed the phone to me (unbeknownst to both of us). 30 days since he last raged and threatened the police because I upset and bothered him. The first of many times he left me shaking, sobbing hysterically and pleading for mercy/forgiveness in the fetal position. Probably at least 60 days since being treated at all like a human being. He replaced me in anticipation of a new job, and possibly another 300 pounder from ok cupid. Sometimes I still miss him, but then I remember how I put up with a year of this, and how he walked away without a care. But its hard still at times, because I invested 14 years of my life with this person (the last 13 of which were good).

Does the longing" fade with time?

[Beach_Babe]

Today marks 30 days NC. (2 weeks for mutual friend)  

Thirty days since he last spoke to me via "force" when mutual friend called him, told him he " had a surprise"then handed the phone to me (unbeknownst to both of us). 30 days since he last raged and threatened the police because I upset and bothered him. The first of many times he left me shaking, sobbing hysterically and pleading for mercy/forgiveness in the fetal position. Probably at least 60 days since being treated at all like a human being. He replaced me in anticipation of a new job, and possibly another 300 pounder from ok cupid. Sometimes I still miss him, but then I remember how I put up with a year of this, and how he walked away without a care. But its hard still at times, because I invested 14 years of my life with this person (the last 13 of which were good).

Does the longing" fade with time?

[EaglesJuju]

Congratulations on 30 days NC. 

It is difficult coping with different emotions especially when they seem to be contradictory. 14 years is a long time to be with someone and it is incredibly painful ending a relationship where so much was invested.

The longing will fade with time. The old saying time heals wounds, in my opinion is accurate.  Focusing on yourself more will help with that. I wager that you did not have a lot of time to do that while you were in your relationship.

[Beach_Babe]

Thanks for that kind response. Such a sad thing to celebrate, no?

[dagwoodbowser]

Congrats BB! So do tell. You feeling a little bit better, stronger and more stable on your emotions?

Keep at it!

[JRT]

Congrats on hitting the 30 day mark BB. It is sad, especially where there were good times in memory. You know my story so you know that I can relate. Like you, I realize that I am very limited in what I can do despite the fact that I am willing to move mountains if that what it would take. That longing feeling goes away after a while, there is no doubt about it. It has been helpful to me to talk to others (thank God for this forum), occupy my mind and spoil myself a bit. I encourage you to do the same and let me know if you need someone to bounce your thoughts off.  

[Mutt]

Thanks for that kind response. Such a sad thing to celebrate, no?

Bravo Beach_Babe!

Your thread title Never thought id make it this far!

You made it to 30 days and didn't think you had it in you 

I think it's a good thing to celebrate.

Don't watch the clock; do what it does. Keep going. ~ Sam Levenson

[DyingLove]

So... .If you can make it here in an hour, we will all go out to Olive Garden and celebrate!  I'm proud of you BeachBabe.  I know and knew you could do it.  I know how hard it is, I know I know I know.  time will make it better, I promise.  I'm 51 today and gradually it's gotten better. Hard to see when time moves slowly, but as your N/C tally gets larger, it becomes much more apparent.  I'm so proud of you for this! 

[valet]

Woo! You seem to be doing great. Congratulations.

To be honest, I didn't really experience the longing much after I found this forum. Before then, I had already started accepting things and moving on with my life. It was only a matter of weeks after I started the learning process here that I began not to want my ex back.

That said, I feel lucky in a lot of ways. My ex broke my heart, but I have an amazing support system at home and also in the city that I currently live in. Without that, I couldn't imagine having progressed so quickly. That and mostly NC and LC have played a big role, but it appears that you are already pretty steadfast on cutting your ex out.

Verdict: the longing does fade in time, you just have to have some faith in the process, and accept where you are at each and every moment of it.

Good luck, and keep moving forward. You're miles ahead of where you were only a few weeks ago. Take that as reassurance and renewed confidence.

[Irish Pride]

Today marks 30 days NC. (2 weeks for mutual friend)  

Thirty days since he last spoke to me via "force" when mutual friend called him, told him he " had a surprise"then handed the phone to me (unbeknownst to both of us). 30 days since he last raged and threatened the police because I upset and bothered him. The first of many times he left me shaking, sobbing hysterically and pleading for mercy/forgiveness in the fetal position. Probably at least 60 days since being treated at all like a human being. He replaced me in anticipation of a new job, and possibly another 300 pounder from ok cupid. Sometimes I still miss him, but then I remember how I put up with a year of this, and how he walked away without a care. But its hard still at times, because I invested 14 years of my life with this person (the last 13 of which were good).

Does the longing" fade with time?

Well done! With each day that goes by, you'll be prouder, more confident and focused on what you need to do for YOU. We've all been put through the wringer, we've all dealt with the narcissistic, unempathetic SO and made their happiness ours. We've sacrificed, we've pleaded, we've gone through hell with these ex's and now it's all about YOU, for a change. These are the kinds of goals we need to set for ourselves. Be proud. Pat yourself on the back and allow yourself to be patted on the back. It's a hellish road we're on, and every step forward is to be commended. Congratulations and keep moving forward!

P.S. - Yes. The longing DOES fade. Just keep your eyes on the road ahead and don't look back. Keep moving forward!

[Dunder]

Congratulations BB, you inspire me to keep going myself!

[Beach_Babe]

Congrats BB! So do tell. You feeling a little bit better, stronger and more stable on your emotions?

Keep at it!

Thanks. How are you doing?

JRT: Same for you! Still getting the weird hang up calls?

Mutt: thanks, although I still long for closure. I know he is out living life and meeting people not suffering over me. A bit of a mindscrew.

DyingLove: 51 is great! I wasnt aware there were any Olive Gardens left. I thought my ex ate them . What did you have?

Valet: im not steadfast in cutting him out, he left me. I would love to still be friends or remain LC but im afraid if i reach out ill only get rejected again. He has to get fired and hit rock bottom again to want or miss me. I have no choice I guess but to move on.

Irish: how long were you put tbrough the wringer?

Dunder: Thanks. I can say the same =)  How are you doing?

[Irish Pride]

Congrats BB! So do tell. You feeling a little bit better, stronger and more stable on your emotions?

Keep at it!

Thanks. How are you doing?

JRT: Same for you! Still getting the weird hang up calls?

Mutt: thanks, although I still long for closure. I know he is out living life and meeting people not suffering over me. A bit of a mindscrew.

DyingLove: 51 is great! I wasnt aware there were any Olive Gardens left. I thought my ex ate them . What did you have?

Valet: im not steadfast in cutting him out, he left me. I would love to still be friends or remain LC but im afraid if i reach out ill only get rejected again. He has to get fired and hit rock bottom again to want or miss me. I have no choice I guess but to move on.

Irish: how long were you put tbrough the wringer?

Dunder: Thanks. I can say the same =)  How are you doing?

For a year and a half. I got off lucky, it seems.

[JRT]

Still getting calls but not hang up calls... .a call comes in from an out of state area code... .I answer and there is only silence in the other line... .sometimes it disconnects and sometimes it does not... .I have been getting 1-3 of these every day... .with one exception, they are all from different phone numbers... .it seems to know when I am on vacation (since it does not call then)... .looking into it, I see that caller ID faker apps are available... .the one that I downloaded and tested worked like a charm; punch in the number you want to call, punch in the number you want to appear that the call came from and push send... .I tried this on my daughters phone and it even recognized the location as Chicago, IL (I used 312 as the area code)... .

She was tethered to her telephone and a bit tech savvy so I would not be surprised if it were here... .but WHY?

[dobie]

BB your doing awesome ! Well done yay you ! 

[valet]

Valet: im not steadfast in cutting him out, he left me. I would love to still be friends or remain LC but im afraid if i reach out ill only get rejected again. He has to get fired and hit rock bottom again to want or miss me. I have no choice I guess but to move on.

If you want a friendship then, you need to be at the point of detachment in which you reach out to him and are not affected by his response, or lack thereof.

I recently reached out to mine and didn't really care either way.

We're meeting for coffee tomorrow afternoon. And now, a whole new set of nerves! But either way, I don't want her back and if it goes poorly I really can't be asked to try and run a one way friendship. I feel that she must be more accountable now. There is a new standard for her. This feels nice, as I had never held her to one before.

Stay steady. You'll get to this point eventually!

[Infared]

Still getting calls but not hang up calls... .a call comes in from an out of state area code... .I answer and there is only silence in the other line... .sometimes it disconnects and sometimes it does not... .I have been getting 1-3 of these every day... .with one exception, they are all from different phone numbers... .it seems to know when I am on vacation (since it does not call then)... .looking into it, I see that caller ID faker apps are available... .the one that I downloaded and tested worked like a charm; punch in the number you want to call, punch in the number you want to appear that the call came from and push send... .I tried this on my daughters phone and it even recognized the location as Chicago, IL (I used 312 as the area code)... .

She was tethered to her telephone and a bit tech savvy so I would not be surprised if it were here... .but WHY?

There is no way to rationally explain a pwBPD's behavior.  Mine ran off with new supply and then did drive-byes at my home. There is no rational explanation for that... .is there?

Hang up calls are like mini drive-byes, no?

I will never figure any of that out. All that I can do is accept it. It's difficult.

[Beach_Babe]

IrishPride: do you want yours back?

JRT: She is putting out feelers, clearly.

valet: do you think yours would have ever reached out to you? I dont think mine ever would if he did hed have to be desperate and it would only be temporary. I am blocked on fb but  Would you suggest I unblock the phone or email? I would like to get where you are to know im not his enemy. Maybe even to be detached enough to have a fb friend again. Peace. Closure. But a relationship no.