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VIDEO: "What is parental alienation?" Parental alienation is when a parent allows a child to participate or hear them degrade the other parent. This is not uncommon in divorces and the children often adjust. In severe cases, however, it can be devastating to the child. This video provides a helpful overview.
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Author Topic: What effects did your BPDx have on your health?  (Read 5627 times)
DyingLove
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« Reply #30 on: May 27, 2015, 06:34:49 PM »

[quoteHigh blood pressure, insomnia, anxiety unlike anything I have ever experienced, generally just feeling like crap and no motivation to do anything, probably depression.

I had to start taking blood pressure medicine and anti-anxiety medication. I drank alcohol as a self-medication but have pretty much quit that unless the anti-anxiety meds aren't getting it done.

]

My BP is finally back to normal, back on lowest does needed. No longer taking anti-anxiety meds, lower dose of anti-depressants. Been a long time since odd dreams about her stopped. Overall I am feeling so much better being in N/C about 80 days. I can see the drastic changes in the way I feel. I'm still amazed that anyone here seeing and feeling the evidence would still want to interact with someone who actually makes you violently ill.[/quote]
Good words dagwood... .like my friend put it, why would you want to put your hand back in the meat grinder!  Essentially, however you word it, it's some kind of torture to us.  Just for a split second, during the last sentence, I wondered why I'm here, all suffering and grieving!  I wish there was something like that laundry detergent where we can SHOUT IT OUT!  LOL and be over with it.
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« Reply #31 on: May 27, 2015, 08:31:04 PM »

Good words dagwood... .like my friend put it, why would you want to put your hand back in the meat grinder! 

Putting your hand in a Meat Grinder... .Laugh out loud (click to insert in post)... .Love that DL. Not sure if you've ever broken a finger. About 15 yrs ago I busted the ring finger on my right hand pretty bad and required surgery on that finger. I have had several surgeries but Nothing, I mean Nothing hurt like that experience. So yeah, I can relate to that expression.

Each night that I lie in bed and if I start to think about my BPDx I focus on the faint pulse of my heart beating. Almost 3 months ago I could hear and feel the LOUD Pounding of my artery on my throat... .not anymore. So that's the feedback I'm giving to myself. Anytime she comes up in thought, I listen to the Peace my Body is now experiencing and I snap out of it fast!
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GaGrl
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« Reply #32 on: May 27, 2015, 08:48:49 PM »

My DH was in a long-term marriage with his now-ex, the NPD/BPD he referred to as The Dark Princess. Like... .33 years, not living together after 19 years.

When we married (still having to deal with her parentifying of DH, and her general craziness), it took a while to work through the anger I felt at the effect she had on DH's health.

Depression

Anxiety

High blood pressure

Diverticulosis/diverticulitis attacks

Herpes

PTSD

And this was a highly competent Army infantry officer.

It took several years of a solid, passionate, intimate marriage for BOTH of us to get past her affect on his health and life, but we did.

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DyingLove
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« Reply #33 on: May 28, 2015, 08:55:57 PM »

Good words dagwood... .like my friend put it, why would you want to put your hand back in the meat grinder! 

Putting your hand in a Meat Grinder... .Laugh out loud (click to insert in post)... .Love that DL. Not sure if you've ever broken a finger. About 15 yrs ago I busted the ring finger on my right hand pretty bad and required surgery on that finger. I have had several surgeries but Nothing, I mean Nothing hurt like that experience. So yeah, I can relate to that expression.

Each night that I lie in bed and if I start to think about my BPDx I focus on the faint pulse of my heart beating. Almost 3 months ago I could hear and feel the LOUD Pounding of my artery on my throat... .not anymore. So that's the feedback I'm giving to myself. Anytime she comes up in thought, I listen to the Peace my Body is now experiencing and I snap out of it fast!

No, never broke a finger or a bone, but my leg hurts so bad I'm like a cripple some times.  I know about the beating you can here.  I've gotten back to a "peace" also. Not 100% because of the fallout of the RS, but I'm somehow getting better. Every couple three days I get the rollercoaster come to town and takes me for a good cry, but it used to be everyday.

I wonder, does anyone else get aches and pains in their joints? Really painful?
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Arcturus81
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« Reply #34 on: May 28, 2015, 09:22:51 PM »

I started smoking cigarettes again after the breakup (I had been off them for about 5 years). I was drinking very heavily and not eating at all for days on end. I lost 30 pounds. I couldn't sleep because I was dreaming about her and waking up involved her being on my thoughts the very first thing in the morning. Without sleep I was a walking zombie that smelled like a brewery and an ashtray. I was a mess. It was only recently that I quit smoking and cut the drinking back to only with friends once a month. I started eating again but I was sticking with healthier foods. I never liked gyms so I just purchased some weights and started walking around my neighborhood to at least get outside.

So in short her effect on my health was devastating but it was mostly my fault because that was how I was dealing with the depression.

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« Reply #35 on: May 28, 2015, 11:07:34 PM »

My DH was in a long-term marriage with his now-ex, the NPD/BPD he referred to as The Dark Princess. Like... .33 years, not living together after 19 years.

When we married (still having to deal with her parentifying of DH, and her general craziness), it took a while to work through the anger I felt at the effect she had on DH's health.

Depression

Anxiety

High blood pressure

Diverticulosis/diverticulitis attacks

Herpes

PTSD

And this was a highly competent Army infantry officer.

It took several years of a solid, passionate, intimate marriage for BOTH of us to get past her affect on his health and life, but we did.

You sound like a wonderful wife/woman!
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« Reply #36 on: May 28, 2015, 11:08:33 PM »

What sort of physical effects did your BPD'x have on you and your health?

PTSD

Depression

Panic attacks

Insomnia

Weight loss (133lbs to 114lbs)

Chronic head ache

Chronic debilitating back pain.

Missed multiple menstrual cycles

Acne like I was 15

Short term memory loss.

1 year post divorce, 10 months since the last time I had to see his face, and 4 months since I had to hear his voice?

7 of the 10 are all but completely gone and the 3 that remain, are SO MUCH better... .

I am coming to life, and I LOVE IT!

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« Reply #37 on: May 28, 2015, 11:37:47 PM »

"I wonder, does anyone else get aches and pains in their joints? Really painful?"

i feel like the joint pain is the single thing id most directly attribute to the breakup. it showed up immediately after the breakup happened and lasted a month or two. it wasnt debilitating, but it was tough to walk, and ive never experienced anything like it before or since.
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« Reply #38 on: May 29, 2015, 01:26:16 AM »

The joint pain and insomnia could be due to elevated cortisol levels. Its worth a google. Our fight or flight reflex is driven by cortisol and stress will kick it into action. It governs our sleep rythm. Too much cortisol can give symptoms of fibromyalgia (joint pain).

There are a number of methods of lowering cortisol. Hot baths, healthy eating, music, dance, light exercise, cutting down caffeine and quitting smoking are just a few.
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« Reply #39 on: May 29, 2015, 02:01:42 AM »

I've been overweight all my adult life and now... .45 pounds lighter, look better than I have done in twenty years... .Just a shame it came about through not being able to eat through anxiety, and has caused me to have severe anemia. And was accompanied by palpitations, numb left arm, onset of migraines, constant back ache, a feeling of being watched all the time, worry about every single thing I do. Or think. If I could think, because mainly my brain was a fog of confusion. Oh, and I think I probably now have an eating disorder.

On the plus side... .Day two of NC!

:-)
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« Reply #40 on: May 29, 2015, 02:33:42 AM »

"The joint pain and insomnia could be due to elevated cortisol levels."

im confident thats accurate/what it was. i was used to adrenaline and stress throughout the relationship; it stands to reason that with it over, i would fully feel these things and theyd have their effect.

sam-e eliminated my joint pain as well as making everything i was experiencing - thinking, feeling, feel much smaller and more manageable. i highly recommend it.
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« Reply #41 on: May 29, 2015, 09:05:46 AM »

Stress creates a Fight or Flight reaction on all aspects of the body and various chemicals are released through out the body to prepare one to either prepare for a Battle to survive or Run like Hell. If your body is in this state 24/7 there has to be an effect, short term as well as long term. Besides dedicating myself to learning all I can about BPD, I have also learned a great deal about Stress. Great site and link below.

www.stress.org/stress-effects/

For 2.5 years I submitted myself to help grow and nurture my BPDx. Unfortunately I got very little back except for intense sex and the initial love bombing (Idealization Phase). What I did get was a warning stroke, premature graying and lots of heartache as well as many of the physical effects from her confusing and contradictory words vs. actions. For those of you in early stages of separation I know/understand you would give anything to have that person back and make it work. I can assure you once your symptoms of stress and pain start to subside your own body will start to advise you and caution you about how harmful this person is to your body, mind, psyche and soul.
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« Reply #42 on: May 29, 2015, 08:01:20 PM »

Excerpt
I gained 40 pounds with her. Random skin tag and warts appeared.

Dropped the weight and continuing to shape up and refine my physical aspects.

disorderedsoc: Thus far you seem to be the luckiest as far as fewest symptoms. Good for you.

Oh, I forgot to mention the depression, during and after our "relationship." (if you wanna call it that)

Mild PTSD, jumping when being touched, got drunk a few times to ease the pain, ended up texting her to try to talk about why things ended "all your fault, you did x, x and x (* & even though I did those things with you*) you WERE THE PROBLEM. I'm so happy with x now and you can't come between us!" Damn, I don't wanna come between you, I just want some kind of closure for godssake!

Got a random blank text from her a few weeks later, baiting most likely. The depression of it all has to be the worst.

Actually no, the very worst feeling I've ever felt in my ENTIRE life was this sense of her being the only one holding ANY truth in the world, sucking the life out of whatever I'm doing at the moment that feeling comes up, and everyone else being an "ignorant waste of space" as she liked to refer to everyone in society. I internalized this and for a while I hated everyone, ___ them, they don't understand "me" (really just enmeshed me, mixed up with her feelings)

So despite the herpes she gave me, which can be lived with since I'm mostly asymptomatic and I WILL find a nice woman who will tolerate it or has it one day, the screwy beliefs you're at risk of absorbing are the worst part and have you wondering if you're the one at fault for your pain. Guess what. The pain is a gift.
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« Reply #43 on: June 06, 2015, 12:21:19 PM »

"The joint pain and insomnia could be due to elevated cortisol levels."

im confident thats accurate/what it was. i was used to adrenaline and stress throughout the relationship; it stands to reason that with it over, i would fully feel these things and theyd have their effect.

sam-e eliminated my joint pain as well as making everything i was experiencing - thinking, feeling, feel much smaller and more manageable. i highly recommend it.

The joint pain and insomnia could be due to elevated cortisol levels. Its worth a google. Our fight or flight reflex is driven by cortisol and stress will kick it into action. It governs our sleep rythm. Too much cortisol can give symptoms of fibromyalgia (joint pain).

There are a number of methods of lowering cortisol. Hot baths, healthy eating, music, dance, light exercise, cutting down caffeine and quitting smoking are just a few.

"I wonder, does anyone else get aches and pains in their joints? Really painful?"

i feel like the joint pain is the single thing id most directly attribute to the breakup. it showed up immediately after the breakup happened and lasted a month or two. it wasnt debilitating, but it was tough to walk, and ive never experienced anything like it before or since.

I've been a stress sufferer for years, but years ago, I was eating and self medicating for adrenal fatigue.  But now this cortisol stuff?  Very interesting, I'm posting a link, and there are 10 signs about suffering from cortisol.  I score 10!

www.lissarankin.com/10-signs-you-have-way-too-much-cortisol
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« Reply #44 on: July 07, 2015, 04:04:19 PM »

Not just the normal type of anxiety that we all have here and there, this was the type of anxiety that I had not ever experienced before. Almost a sense of terror, dredd and sheer panic.

That! A sense of terror and dredd. It's horrible... like I living nightmare. You might have a nightmare about your ex one night then you wake up and... .sadly things aren't much different.
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« Reply #45 on: July 07, 2015, 04:30:33 PM »

She destroyed me very slowly psychologically - so bad that I could not engage in a conversation without breaking down.

I am the most laid back woman, very chilled out and patient. She pushed all the wrong buttons, my stress levels shot up at the thought of her coming anywhere near me.

I think depression started to set in as I had no motivation to get up, probably it was a matter of avoiding any possible rages and lies that happened.

I am self employed and due to the abuse I suffered I was unable to do my job, which entails looking after people whether individually or in crowds. I  signed myself off as it was too risky - as I was struggling to look after me and I could not look after anyone else. Only now, 8 months later and over 7 months NC and moving a few hundred miles away I am back at work.

My stress levels are way down, psychologically I am 1000x better, I am a lot healthier and feel so much better about myself.

She was intent on destroying me in every way she could, it was maximum hurt for me gave her immense pleasure. I got stronger through cycling and found the strength to get rid - if it would have carried on I dare not even think about the outcome.

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« Reply #46 on: July 07, 2015, 05:32:44 PM »

I wanted to die. I never contemplated suicide until I met her. I lay in a heap in my bed for two weeks over Christmas two years ago. Had my cats not needed me to feed them I would have never climbed out of my bed. I didn't even shower.

A year later I don't even sleep in this bedroom. It looks like an episode of hoarders. I sleep in the spare room.

This relationship clearly effed me up.


I was and am still depressed even though I took her back for round two. I took this a-hole back and it lasted almost a year until discard #3 this May, with 6mo of that me dating someone else until she called them and broke us up (talk about boundary busting).

I could never trust her and was always waiting for it to happen again... .this is why I had kept dating someone else. I had 0 interest in sex with her after all the breaks (which was probably wise after she told me over break she met someone with herpes on Match but they never met)... .yet this person sent her flowers on Valentine's Day.

She is nothing but a lying, cheating psycho whore and all I did was keep taking her back.  

In Dec this year I had gastric surgery and lost 80lbs. I've been getting a lot of attention (positive) So now she has replaced me with a 300lb girl with really bad self esteem. Two weeks in and she tells me she is madly in love with this person, that their connection is "deep" and better than anything she's ever known.

I never had a deep conversation withy ex. All she could talk about was rocks, work and exes... .and her dysfunctional family. I am highly doubtful she has become deep.


So I guess my mental health has suffered the most in this. Plus I have PTSD and anxiety months later.



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« Reply #47 on: July 07, 2015, 10:04:18 PM »

For the last two months of my relationship, I had terrible knee pain. I was running a lot in order to relieve the stress I was experiencing. I tried to let my knee heal and stayed off of it for three weeks, yet the pain remained. A week after our breakup-- knee pain gone... .
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« Reply #48 on: July 08, 2015, 06:06:12 PM »

A knot in your stomach that never quite goes away even when there are 'good times' because you know they won't last.
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« Reply #49 on: July 08, 2015, 07:37:29 PM »

Right now, got contact after 4 months.  I'm hurting like the first day out almost.  Tears, anxiety, fear, guilt, anticipation, excitement, horror, conflict, confusion.  Those are only some of the things for today.

If you go NC, my advice is to stay NC. She sent me ONE email today and I'm going to shreds... .
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« Reply #50 on: July 08, 2015, 07:44:12 PM »

Right now, got contact after 4 months.  I'm hurting like the first day out almost.  Tears, anxiety, fear, guilt, anticipation, excitement, horror, conflict, confusion.  Those are only some of the things for today.

If you go NC, my advice is to stay NC. She sent me ONE email today and I'm going to shreds... .

That's a great way to get immediate feedback on how you're doing on your detachment Dying.  So how can you use this?  Apart from eliminating contact, what else did you learn?  What do you need to do differently, more or less?
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« Reply #51 on: July 08, 2015, 07:58:29 PM »

Right now, got contact after 4 months.  I'm hurting like the first day out almost.  Tears, anxiety, fear, guilt, anticipation, excitement, horror, conflict, confusion.  Those are only some of the things for today.

If you go NC, my advice is to stay NC. She sent me ONE email today and I'm going to shreds... .

That's a great way to get immediate feedback on how you're doing on your detachment Dying.  So how can you use this?  Apart from eliminating contact, what else did you learn?  What do you need to do differently, more or less?

NC protects US the nons.  I don't know if I can ever go without NC, only if there were no reason for me to be in contact with her anyway. I'm still attached somewhere deep and I gotta work on getting that thread cut. It's easy to relapse. But it's also easier to stand up and get back on track. Today was a bad day for me, so I'll leave it at this.  Thanks fromHeeltoheal.

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« Reply #52 on: July 08, 2015, 08:08:56 PM »

Right now, got contact after 4 months.  I'm hurting like the first day out almost.  Tears, anxiety, fear, guilt, anticipation, excitement, horror, conflict, confusion.  Those are only some of the things for today.

If you go NC, my advice is to stay NC. She sent me ONE email today and I'm going to shreds... .

That's a great way to get immediate feedback on how you're doing on your detachment Dying.  So how can you use this?  Apart from eliminating contact, what else did you learn?  What do you need to do differently, more or less?

NC protects US the nons.  I don't know if I can ever go without NC, only if there were no reason for me to be in contact with her anyway. I'm still attached somewhere deep and I gotta work on getting that thread cut. It's easy to relapse. But it's also easier to stand up and get back on track. Today was a bad day for me, so I'll leave it at this.  Thanks fromHeeltoheal.

I'm sorry you had a bad day Dying, and it's good you can get back on track easily.  Two steps forward and one step back is still one step forward.

As something to aim for, one day you may get an email or whatever from her, and it won't even phase you, just some mild curiosity and amusement about how some people don't give up.  It's takes what it takes to get there, but it helps to focus on where you're going.  Take care of you!
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« Reply #53 on: July 08, 2015, 08:12:38 PM »

Right now, got contact after 4 months.  I'm hurting like the first day out almost.  Tears, anxiety, fear, guilt, anticipation, excitement, horror, conflict, confusion.  Those are only some of the things for today.

If you go NC, my advice is to stay NC. She sent me ONE email today and I'm going to shreds... .

That's a great way to get immediate feedback on how you're doing on your detachment Dying.  So how can you use this?  Apart from eliminating contact, what else did you learn?  What do you need to do differently, more or less?

NC protects US the nons.  I don't know if I can ever go without NC, only if there were no reason for me to be in contact with her anyway. I'm still attached somewhere deep and I gotta work on getting that thread cut. It's easy to relapse. But it's also easier to stand up and get back on track. Today was a bad day for me, so I'll leave it at this.  Thanks fromHeeltoheal.

I'm sorry you had a bad day Dying, and it's good you can get back on track easily.  Two steps forward and one step back is still one step forward.

As something to aim for, one day you may get an email or whatever from her, and it won't even phase you, just some mild curiosity and amusement about how some people don't give up.  It's takes what it takes to get there, but it helps to focus on where you're going.  Take care of you!

Amen!  One day and I'll be happy that day too!  Thanks Fromheeltoheal
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« Reply #54 on: July 10, 2015, 08:02:50 AM »

I can relate to many of the symptoms you've suffered with you pwBPD. About six months into our engagement I began having serious female problems and debilitating back pain. These included month long periods and also extreme panic attacks and anxiety. I've had bouts if anxiety since my mid 20's but it was infrequent and usually situational (like when flying) so I knew what it was but I would maybe one or two panic attacks a year for the past 20 years so it was definitely manageable and I had self soothing tools to use to control it. When I started feeling something was wrong in this r/s (about 5 months prior to marriage) my panic attacks increases to 3 or 4 times per week... .My body literally screaming at me to get out but I didn't listen and got married to my pwBPD anyway. I went on anti-anxiety and anti-depressants (Xanax and Wellbutrin) in January finally because I was also started to suffer from Vertigo from the anxiety. That helped though I've never taken meds in my life even following the sudden death of my first husband. I still take the Xanax but have gone off the anti-depressants. In March I learned what the problem was BPD (among other disorders my uBPDh has) and found this site and applied the tools and things are much better but I am physically addicted to the Xanax now - though that is not a big deal as I am on a lowish dose and my GP monitors it carefully so I do not overuse it. My GP knows what's going on. Since being on Xanax my female problems went away - clearly they were due to a stress response. My back pain has gone away to - other than the occasional back pain I get around an episode. I was getting massages once a week for a year to help this but it didn't help. Health wise I'm okay - prior to meeting BPD I had gone through a huge weight gain and loss following tge death of first h. I put on about 75lbs in 3 years and had lost 60 of it in 2 years right before meeting h. I still was working on the last 15 when we met but I haven't been able to lose it. I'm probably only 5 pounds less than I was when we met even though I continue to eat healthy work out limit caloric intake etc. The stress hormone cortisol really interferes with weight loss so I've just accepted that I might not get down to my ideal weight again though I'm only about 10 lbs away. But I'm okay with that because I am more focused on my inner self these days than my outward appearance though I like the way I look overall. But I do not want to gain weight again and I work diligently to make sure I don't. I'm not an emotional eater anyway so I've maintained this weight now for 2 years without gaining any back and that's fine with me. I have made h aware of the toll this has taken on my health and when he gets nasty he calls me "pill head " which is really cruel because I wouldn't have to take meds at all if it weren't for all his abusive BPD crap. He knows this too. Other times he will say "I know it's my fault that you're on meds and I hate that I've done that to you". Every day is a new day. We are okay today. Tomorrow? Who knows what tomorrow will bring or the next few hours. It's his mood instability that causes my anxiety and I know that but I don't blame him because it's my choice to stay with him. The Xanax right now makes that possible.
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« Reply #55 on: July 10, 2015, 09:01:07 PM »

Staff only

The thread has reached it's post limit and is now locked. You are welcome with starting a new or similar topic of discussion.
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