Birthday Blues

[Beach_Babe]

Monday is my birthday. He never remembered the date when we were together. He claimed it was nothing personal,  he just couldn't remember birthdays.  Its doubtful I will hear from him. How do I prepare myself for that letdown?

[going places]

Monday is my birthday. He never remembered the date when we were together. He claimed it was nothing personal,  he just couldn't remember birthdays.  Its doubtful I will hear from him. How do I prepare myself for that letdown?

First of all, anyone who is w/ someone and claims to love them YET cannot remember important dates?

That's a little self absorbed, don't you think? Nothing personal? yeah, that's real personal... .

You are worth remembering. Celebrating the day you were born is important! Think of all the things that would not, could not have happened had you not been born? All the lives you have touched... .

No, your birthday IS an important day, and it's worth celebrating.

((My ex made the same claims, which were all BS. NOW if he had said "this is not important to me, because I am not the center of attention and it benefits me none, so why remember it?" THAT would have been the truth. THAT would have been what was inside his head))

1. You already know he's not going to contact. This pattern of behavior was set a long time ago when he claimed WHILE WITH YOU "I just can't remember".

This is not new behavior... .so you know what to expect.

2. If he didn't care to remember your birthday when he was with you, he most certainly will not contact you now that you are apart. You already know this. So stop thinking about it, and start planning what YOU are going to do for YOU!

3. Let this birthday be a 're-birthday'. Let this be the marker for a new year.

Do things different.

Take yourself to a spa, get your nails and toes done. Do a facial, massage.

Take yourself out to dinner, call girlfriends and see if they want to go out.

Whatever you choose, find something to do that YOU like to do... .that appeals to YOU.

You are worth celebrating!

[Hadlee]

More importantly... .how are you going to celebrate your birthday?

Happiest of birthdays to you for Monday, Beach_Babe

[dobie]

Beech I know it does not feel like it yet but the greatest gift that loser could give is not being there for this birthday 

[zundertowz]

Don't feel bad... .the first time my ex kicked me out was a day before my birthday... .I spent that week in upstate NY suicidal while she apparently didn't give a F.  She had a habit of ruining special occasions... .funny thing is when it was her or her kids b-day it had to be a birthday week... .a week long celebration... ..  Have a great b-day and do somethiing special for yourself.

[Allmessedup]

Bithdays are hard for me too.  They are special days indeed.


It's so painful when someone we love doesn't recognize that... .but the question for me becomes how am I going to protect myself from that pain?    We can't force our s.o. To remember or celebrate our birthday but we can take the time to celebrate ourselves especially that day.

Be good to you on Monday.  Like others have said go out and do something special for yourself.  Recognize that you can do that and can try to give yourself that.  For me it helps to look at how to meet the needs I have in myself.

Happy early birthday beach babe:)

[Beach_Babe]

goingplaces: I guess its self absorbed, I just got used to it. I got a few more blocked calls yesterday but its a waste of energy to wonder if its him. Probably not and even if it was, who cares?

Hadlee: Thanks for the birthday wishes. I will probably go out with friends.

dobie: well he is never there for any birthday why would thid one be different. He said his visit out here last year was his gift to me .

zundertowz: kicked you out on your birthday? Wow, thats harsh

Allmessedup: yes I think I will treat myself to something special. How are you today?

[FannyB]

Beach_Babe

Happy BPD-free Birthday for Monday. Enjoy not walking on eggshells and bracing yourself for inevitable disappointments!

Maybe next year you'll be with someone more deserving of you.

FannyB

[Beach_Babe]

Thanks FannyB! I hope so too.

[Mister Brightside]

Happy birthday on Monday! You aren't alone. Narcissists/borderlines are so caught up in their own life that they don't have any room left in their brains for the rest of us. It is nothing personal. Hell, I'll probably remember your birthday on Monday now that you mention it. Birth dates are important to me, and I can remember the birthday of every significant other I've ever had.

In 2013, I was with a narcissist (before this recent borderline; lucky me), and she apologized (it wasn't much of one) for not remembering when I told her at the end of my work day that it was my birthday. I was talking to another guy who knew her for awhile, and when he told her it was his birthday, she claimed she was going to surprise him later (he knew she was full of it). Point being, you're not alone! Again, happy birthday on Monday!

[Beach_Babe]

Thanks MisterB!  So how did you go from a narcissist to a borderline?  Which one was worse, in your opinion? 

[Beach_Babe]

Damn I woke up =( 

[Mayjar68]

Happy birthday beach babe have a great day ! Be with friends and family and try to have a good time xxxxxx

[Hadlee]

Happy birthday Beach_Babe.  May you have a truly magical day

Hope this birthday ditty replaces any 'other' thoughts that may pop in your head.  Beware though... .it's annoyingly catchy

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uANs-Cn7uCw

Take care of you today xxx

[ReclaimingMyLife]

Happy Birthday,  BB!   Thinking of you today and hoping you find a sweet moment in this day.   Even if it is hard a lot of the day.   I can so understand your longing and hoping.   Just remember that longing is only PART of what your psyche wants.  Other parts,  albeit the more quiet parts,  don't have that longing.  I feel better when I remember to think about what I REALLY DO WANT and remind myself to move in THAT direction: a partner who loves me,  who remembers and celebrates my bday,  who enjoys and appreciates me,  who I enjoy and appreciate.   Which then reminds me that,  first and foremost,  I need to enjoy and appreciate me.   

My ex sent a txt a few days after my bday to say happy bday,  happy mother's day and, OH YEAH, COULD YOU PUT SOME MONEY IN MY ACCOUNT?    That and another handful of lies.    What the heck?   So,  just remember all bday wishes are not created equal!

XOXO

[wishfulthinking]

First... .Happy Birthday! 

Second... .My 40th bday is Wed.  I was really looking forward to it.  On one hand, my ex would make it special, like doing the flowers and card and remembering, but the past 2 years (of the 2 I celebrated with him, ) he'd screw it up and ruin it by the end of the night.  Last year, I remember him threatening to jump out of the car on the highway because the gift he ordered didn't get there on time. I'm not at all the type who even cares about the gift aspect.  I have a fairly major health issue and I'm personally glad to be here!  Anyway, he was mean and sullen the whole day.  When they are on edge, we are on edge waiting for the fall out, you know.  At dinner of my chosen restaurant, which I knew better than to pick, he always complains about Mexican food, I tried to do Chinese for him, but he insisted on the restaurant I like, so we went.  The whole dinner was complaining about the gift, me telling him it's fine, and I don't care if it gets here next week, I just am happy to be there with him.  He continues so I get quiet.  Don't know what else to say.  He barely eats, drinks too much, complains that I'm not talking to him. Starts to quietly rage in the restaurant, I go to the bathroom to calm myself so I don't cry.  I go back out and ask for a box because I'm not hungry anymore.  He gets upset because now he's ruined that.  Then gets on me because why can't I talk to him the way I talk to my friend so and so?  I'm just trying not to cry.  The year before he ruined my bday because someone else made him mad.  I finally say I'm leaving.  This is the second year you've messed up my birthday.  I go to the car and he starts yelling at me and then makes me get in the car.  I just wanted to leave at this point, so fine.  He gets in and starts screaming at me about how he does all this to make it special and I'm unappreciative and how he even went to the restaurant who's food sucks and... .keeps screaming to the point I'm bawling and people outside are staring.  Then, he tells me to leave because he's sees people looking.  On the 4 mile highway drive home, he continues yelling, then gets quiet, then "tries" to jump out of the car.  I pull over and tell him to grow up, that I'm tired of his crap and thanks a lot for treating me that way when I told him that I didn't care about my gift being late, all I wanted was a good day with him.  He finally calmed down, I drove home.  We got home and got out of the car and because I didn't hug and kiss him immediately after getting out of the car, he started in on my again about all of the above.

Basically, I'd have rather he have forgotten my birthday... .  So maybe count your blessings?  Hard, I know... .I shouldn't be torn since that's how mine have ended up, but I still am... .Stupid, huh?

[DyingLove]

[confusedinWI]

Beach happy birthday!

My birthday is next Monday and im struggling with the idea of if I unblock her phone number tosee if she reaches out or not.

Last year on my birthday we just moved in together and she was supposed to come to the movies with my kids and I. She said she needed space as she felt overwhelmed and when kids and I came home she was drunk in the bedroom. That day started out so nice though but ended badly.

I wonder why we crave the wishes from people that hurt us. I feel like I disrespect everyone who wishes us well by wanting that one greeting from our ex... .the person that has hurt us over and over

[Beach_Babe]

Mayjar68: Thank you ♡

Hadlee: how thoughtful, thank you!

My ex sent a txt a few days after my bday to say happy bday,  happy mother's day and, OH YEAH, COULD YOU PUT SOME MONEY IN MY ACCOUNT?    That and another handful of lies.    What the heck?   So,  just remember all bday wishes are not created equal!

Wow, just when you thought you heard it all. How did you respond?

wishfulthinking: Happy early birthday! Man that is awful. Did he ever apologize for ruining your birthday like that?

DyingLove: *hugs*

I wonder why we crave the wishes from people that hurt us. I feel like I disrespect everyone who wishes us well by wanting that one greeting from our ex... .the person that has hurt us over and over

Very profound thought! I wonder the same thing (then feel completely ashamed of myself). Of course he made no contact so i'm blocking him everywhere again. It was wishful thinking and I know its time to work on me and move on.

Drunk in the bathroom? Did the kids see her that way? Oh my.

[Mutt]

Hi BeachBabe,

Happy Birthday 

[Mayjar68]

Hey BB hope you're getting ready while you are on here ! I'm sure all us guys and gals want you to enjoy your birthday the best you can. Celebrate a new beginning ! Remember one door closes another opens

Try not to resist the changes that come your way

Instead let life live through you

And do not worry that your life is turning upside down

How do you know that the side you're use to is better than the one to come

Xxxxx

[Beach_Babe]

Thank you Mayjar, Mutt for the birthday wishes. I am so humbled and grateful.

[ReclaimingMyLife]

My ex sent a txt a few days after my bday to say happy bday,  happy mother's day and, OH YEAH, COULD YOU PUT SOME MONEY IN MY ACCOUNT?    That and another handful of lies.    What the heck?   So,  just remember all bday wishes are not created equal!

Wow, just when you thought you heard it all. How did you respond?

There is only ONE response:  NO RESPONSE!

I sure am sorry for your birthday woes,  but I gotta say what a great community here.   I surely wouldn't wish the heartbreak experienced on this board on anyone, but I Iove and am grateful for the way everyone is rallying around you today,  Beach_Babe!  Most folks going thru a b/u don't have this amazing 24/7 support.   I feel lucky to be a part of this!

Hope your day has been sweeter than expected 

[Beach_Babe]

Agreed, Reclaiming. God bless all of you ♡

[wishfulthinking]

Beach... .NOPE... .no apologies. Always blamed me for ruining holidays and birthdays... .he even ruined his own this past year. Actually... .I got raged at both years for his birthday... .hmmmm... .

[Beach_Babe]

No apologies? Your kidding?