Social media?

[Lishab23]

So I was wondering how many of us look at our exs social media sites? Does it make it worse for you or kind of help with the validation that it is over? For me I do find my self looking from time to time, at first it hurt now I guess I don't really care to much! It kind of helps me see what person he is now that I'm out of the fog! Don't get me wrong I'm still angry but seeing him "happy" with my replacment kind of helps me! I'd just like to get some input on this! Thanks everyone!

[JRT]

I think that it is normal for us to check up on ex's, I think that most of us here do although it can sometimes be upsetting.

[Mutt]

I don't think there's a right or wrong if someone peeks. I can see how it would be triggering and I think we can speed up the healing process if we don't peek.

[dobie]

It makes it worse not peeked for weeks don't intended to ever again

Block everything for your sake

[Lishab23]

Thank you for the replies! I had everything blocked for 2 weeks, I know not very long! I was doing so good than hit a down period and peeked! Was it upsetting yes but it did help a little as well! I'm doing a lot of self blaming lately that I'm trying to over come, and I guess as I'm writing this I'm realizing me looking it only along that worse! Ok I'm going to block again, I have to!

[zundertowz]

I havnt checked my exes FB once since we broke up almost 3 months ago... .I prefer to let the memories of her fade away... .not seeing her face has almost made it feel like so long ago... .i think complete NC speeds up the healing process a huge amount.

[fromheeltoheal]

Thank you for the replies! I had everything blocked for 2 weeks, I know not very long! I was doing so good than hit a down period and peeked! Was it upsetting yes but it did help a little as well! I'm doing a lot of self blaming lately that I'm trying to over come, and I guess as I'm writing this I'm realizing me looking it only along that worse! Ok I'm going to block again, I have to!

Bottom line is how it makes you feel; you mention it was upsetting but it helped a little, so not really clear, but some say complete no communication, total disconnect, time to detach, other folks say that exposing themselves to what their ex is up to in a measured way takes the power out of it.  Again, whatever works.

Me?  I looked at her Facebook page for about a week after I left her, and I knew exactly what was really going on with her at that point, but her Facebook version of it all was sickly-rosy, made me want to vomit.  Everyone does that on Facebook, put your best cyberface forward, but I just couldn't handle any more lies.

Self-blaming is common around here, especially coming out of a relationship where constant blame was the norm.  That will change with time and distance, your perception of things will change, and if Facebook ain't helping, do what you need to do.  Take care of you!

[UserName69]

We blocked each other on FB, I don't miss her therefore I really don't care what or how she's doing. She's history, I know one day she might contact me but I really hope she isn't because I'm just going to ignore her.

[wavelife]

I think it depends on where you are in the healing.  From my personal experience I peaked a few times when we first broke up and it was a trigger and made me feel horrible.  I stopped peeking and I think it speeds things up.  I did look again at about three months to see her posting pictures of wedding dresses.  This actually helped me, we are still married and she has been with this guy three months... .it helped me accept and helped me realize how messed up she is. 

Last week she contacted me about our divorce and wanted me to go to see a mediator to file the divorce together.  I said not a chance and if she is in a rush, to serve me with papers and my lawyer will review.  So I peeked again... .this time I laughed.  More wedding dresses and she is obviously in a rush to get the divorce done.  Perfect, she is busy and just wants out.  She will most likely be married yet again before the end of the year... .good riddens

It all depends on where you are at in the process of detachment, acceptance and healing.

[valet]

We're still Facebook friends, and sometimes interact in person.

Facebook and Twitter are huge triggers for me though, so I have her unfollowed and hidden respectively. I did the whole block thing when I couldn't control myself, and then friended her again. This was never the case in any other breakup that I've gone through. Facebook bothered me, but it would never ruin my days like it can with my ex.

When I've met with my ex in the past couple of months, she has not been herself (not the person that I know, at least). I don't really feel the need to see her, unless she reaches out to me. She has changed into someone else, per typical BPD logic.

If seeing your ex with the replacement benefits you, I suggest that you stay the course. But it might be safer to eliminate any kind of emotional trigger until you are truly ready for it.