Wow, seriously?

[Arcturus81]

I am so glad I came to this forum and learned the things I did. It has better prepared me for what just happened. I received a text from BPDEXgf again this morning. I have not contacted her in 3 months. She sent a text on the 29 of may saying that she saw one of my friends and I didn't respond. She texted again this morning asking if I wanted to go on a vacation with her next month? Really? She left me for someone else. Lied to me about my ex best friend hitting on her. Then after all that and no contact for 3 months she really expects me to just say "Sure I will go on a vacation with you". What the actual F***? She called me a pig and a liar and several other choice things that were so wounding that I won't repeat them here. I am just astounded at that pattern of thinking. I figure that my replacement is no longer in the picture. I assume there will be more texts to follow this but I will not respond.

I just needed to get this out. I am getting better but this just triggered a lot of emotions for me. I don't know how they can think that way. Do they really not have any idea of the damage and pain that they cause? Can they really believe that they can just waltz right back into someone's life after destroying them? Why are they not all locked up where they can not damage those of us who are capable of genuine love and caring?

Rant over

[Mutt]

Hi Arcturus81,

Wow. I can understand how that would trigger emotions. It could very well be that things are bad with the replacement. She lacks a stable sense of self and needs an attachment, this is how she survives. She's likely spinning her rolodex of available attachments and is putting her feelers out there. I'm sorry.

[blissful_camper]

Do they really not have any idea of the damage and pain that they cause? Can they really believe that they can just waltz right back into someone's life after destroying them?

I think that they are aware of the damage and pain that they cause.  That awareness appears to be experienced as shame.  

Perhaps when feelings of need are stronger than feelings of shame that is when we see attempts to recycle.  My ex attempted to recycle me shortly after my replacement broke up with him.  I live out of state.  He wanted to visit me.  I didn't bite.  He reconciled with my replacement.  

For my ex, it wasn't about wanting.  It was about need and getting his needs met when the emotions he experienced at that moment were difficult to manage.  He needed relief from those emotions.  Attempting to recycle me was merely his way of coping with those uncomfortable emotions.  

It's not about you.  It's not personal.  She's doing what she feels she needs to do to survive.  Seeing your friend may have triggered her.  Unable to cope with those emotions on her own she reached out to you.  

What do you plan to do?  Is blocking her texts an option?  

[fromheeltoheal]

Yes, it's handy to blow through life living in the moment, continuously shedding the wreckage of the past, and someone perpetually stuck in survival mode is just going to react to the emotions and needs of the moment, facilitating that.  Gotta admit I've done it when I've been in survival mode at times in my life, maybe we all have, but for someone with a personality disorder it's continuous.  And someone perpetually in survival mode isn't going to spend much time thinking about the needs of other people, we get really selfish when we're in pain, and slowing down enough to connect with the misdeeds of the past and how they've affected people would hurt too much, so outrunning that becomes part of the goal.

That roller coaster will never stop Arcturus, the only way out is to get off, and it's good you've been hanging around here, you're more centered than you would have been otherwise most likely.  Your emotional reaction is normal in that situation, thanks for sharing it with us, and what are you going to do now?

[UserName69]

You always can block her number. But that's just sick what she did, reminds me a lot of my exBPD. Once we broke up for a month, she made it clear that it was over. I went nc and guess what? She wanted me back, when I got back to her she pretended like NOTHING had happened at all.

I just can't believe it what they're thinking