I know what is happening to me.

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

Valet, in the long run, I look positively on my willingness to try my best to "hold on". I still respect those who fight through the hard times. My parents did and in the last 10 years, prior to my Mothers passing, I have never seen a couple more in love. Prior to that I would never have bet on my parents surviving as a couple, for a year let alone 15 more.

I am the absolute antithesis of old school and I was not a good partner (not a cheater just too busy having "fun" in my 20 year marriage (not to my exBPD), but I did always and will continue to believe that it is impossible for any relationship to be only "good times", that like anything else, with enough work, the rewards will come. Of course, this does not take BPD into account, because there ultimately is no reward, only pain.

Your revelation about her moving out of country and your view on this speaks volumes. Forced distance. As mentioned before, the last thing I want is to not know where my ex is or if she is ok. If I allowed it to it would consume me, but I won't allow it to. I believe that you do still love this woman (anger and rebellion are part of the process of letting go, which includes our convincing ourselves that we didn't love them) and I, for one, am relieved that she will be leaving because I do believe that it is what is necessary for you to move on. My ultimate hope is that you do so before that happens.

As mentioned, while it hurt very badly to do so, something that I am deeply grateful for was that I had enough control and wisdom about me to send the final email that was full of love for her. I got to say goodbye with love. I suspect that, in part, a driving force for you is to ensure that you part ways with your ex, with love and not animosity. You are treading on much much thinner ice than I did, in order to accomplish that goal and I see more pain ahead for you but one has to do what one needs to do.

My hope is that I will see only positive postings from you, in the weeks to come and I wish you strength.

[LimboFL]

Valet, in the long run, I look positively on my willingness to try my best to "hold on". I still respect those who fight through the hard times. My parents did and in the last 10 years, prior to my Mothers passing, I have never seen a couple more in love. Prior to that I would never have bet on my parents surviving as a couple, for a year let alone 15 more.

I am the absolute antithesis of old school and I was not a good partner (not a cheater just too busy having "fun" in my 20 year marriage (not to my exBPD), but I did always and will continue to believe that it is impossible for any relationship to be only "good times", that like anything else, with enough work, the rewards will come. Of course, this does not take BPD into account, because there ultimately is no reward, only pain.

Your revelation about her moving out of country and your view on this speaks volumes. Forced distance. As mentioned before, the last thing I want is to not know where my ex is or if she is ok. If I allowed it to it would consume me, but I won't allow it to. I believe that you do still love this woman (anger and rebellion are part of the process of letting go, which includes our convincing ourselves that we didn't love them) and I, for one, am relieved that she will be leaving because I do believe that it is what is necessary for you to move on. My ultimate hope is that you do so before that happens.

As mentioned, while it hurt very badly to do so, something that I am deeply grateful for was that I had enough control and wisdom about me to send the final email that was full of love for her. I got to say goodbye with love. I suspect that, in part, a driving force for you is to ensure that you part ways with your ex, with love and not animosity. You are treading on much much thinner ice than I did, in order to accomplish that goal and I see more pain ahead for you but one has to do what one needs to do.

My hope is that I will see only positive postings from you, in the weeks to come and I wish you strength.

[rotiroti]

Leaving on a loving note like that LimboFL, always a pleasure to read updates on your story. Did you ever hear back since? I know if she did or not isn't different, because I am sure either way the message was well received (and most importantly it gave you peace! that's awesome)

[LimboFL]

Thank you rotiroti. No I didn't ever hear back from her, which was what I requested. It didn't give me total peace because I still think about her and miss her, but yes, it let her know where my head is at, how important she was and is to me and, as was mentioned in another thread, I was able to acknowledge a matter that I was able to address prior.

It is still, all, very painful stuff.

Thank you, again, though. I appreciate the positive feedback.

[valet]

Valet, in the long run, I look positively on my willingness to try my best to "hold on". I still respect those who fight through the hard times. My parents did and in the last 10 years, prior to my Mothers passing, I have never seen a couple more in love. Prior to that I would never have bet on my parents surviving as a couple, for a year let alone 15 more.

I am the absolute antithesis of old school and I was not a good partner (not a cheater just too busy having "fun" in my 20 year marriage (not to my exBPD), but I did always and will continue to believe that it is impossible for any relationship to be only "good times", that like anything else, with enough work, the rewards will come. Of course, this does not take BPD into account, because there ultimately is no reward, only pain.

Your revelation about her moving out of country and your view on this speaks volumes. Forced distance. As mentioned before, the last thing I want is to not know where my ex is or if she is ok. If I allowed it to it would consume me, but I won't allow it to. I believe that you do still love this woman (anger and rebellion are part of the process of letting go, which includes our convincing ourselves that we didn't love them) and I, for one, am relieved that she will be leaving because I do believe that it is what is necessary for you to move on. My ultimate hope is that you do so before that happens.

As mentioned, while it hurt very badly to do so, something that I am deeply grateful for was that I had enough control and wisdom about me to send the final email that was full of love for her. I got to say goodbye with love. I suspect that, in part, a driving force for you is to ensure that you part ways with your ex, with love and not animosity. You are treading on much much thinner ice than I did, in order to accomplish that goal and I see more pain ahead for you but one has to do what one needs to do.

My hope is that I will see only positive postings from you, in the weeks to come and I wish you strength.

Two strong statements that I agree with here.

Relationship or not, I have to look at my feelings and accept them. I don't think that I've done what I've needed to thus far to kill that attachment, not yet. I do still love her. I don't want to be with her. It's a strange paradox, but they cannot exist mutually. If I do want her in my life, then I cannot love her in the ways that I do now.

Your second point is driving a bit outside of my ability to emotionally comprehend right now. Again, this relates to my first (and central) confusion. The driving theme is this: I don't want to part ways with her forever, I just want to beat the attachment and move on from her romantically. Accepting her for who she actually is will be paramount. Not projecting hope is paramount. I cannot have the expectations that I used to with her if I want any kind of relationship. She is a pwBPD, and I have to understand the consequences of that.

Is this possible for me? I'm probably not fit to say at the moment, but I think so. The thing that I need to do right now is to spend a very long time in NC to process the full extent of my feelings. Big boundaries, no compromising. This is for me.

What happens after that, I can't say. I will have to evaluate at a later date.