What do you feel most sad about?

[Depression = 72% of members]

For me the thing that makes me most upset is the realisation that he never loved me in a healthy way. The 'love' he felt for me was just based on me meeting his needs. He 'loved' me when I was patient and nice about his sexual issues, when I drove to see him all the time to watch football with him, when I cooked for him, when I drove him around, when I lent him money and when I would give him affection. But when it came to my needs they didnt matter. He only loved what I did for him, not me as a person. When I stopped doing everything for him and requested he do some things for me he would manipulate/control/get attention from other girls.

This is the saddest thing for me. That his feelings were never about me. He didnt love me for me. Only what I did for him and how well I could meet his needs while he met none of mine.

The other saddest thing for me is him putting emotional responsibility on me telling me i am his only chance of happiness and I am his saviour. He also said he will only go to the doctor if I go with him and unless I see him on his birthday this week he will sit by himself doing nothing punishing himself for losing me.

It saddens me that he puts it on me but I know that there is nothing I can do unless I ignored all of my own needs and forever tried to meet his. Im not willing to do that.

I often have daydreams about going back in time to when he was a child and giving him unconditional love and putting him in the right path to healthy functioning. Unfortunately is impossible.

What is the saddest thing for you?

[klacey3]

For me the thing that makes me most upset is the realisation that he never loved me in a healthy way. The 'love' he felt for me was just based on me meeting his needs. He 'loved' me when I was patient and nice about his sexual issues, when I drove to see him all the time to watch football with him, when I cooked for him, when I drove him around, when I lent him money and when I would give him affection. But when it came to my needs they didnt matter. He only loved what I did for him, not me as a person. When I stopped doing everything for him and requested he do some things for me he would manipulate/control/get attention from other girls.

This is the saddest thing for me. That his feelings were never about me. He didnt love me for me. Only what I did for him and how well I could meet his needs while he met none of mine.

The other saddest thing for me is him putting emotional responsibility on me telling me i am his only chance of happiness and I am his saviour. He also said he will only go to the doctor if I go with him and unless I see him on his birthday this week he will sit by himself doing nothing punishing himself for losing me.

It saddens me that he puts it on me but I know that there is nothing I can do unless I ignored all of my own needs and forever tried to meet his. Im not willing to do that.

I often have daydreams about going back in time to when he was a child and giving him unconditional love and putting him in the right path to healthy functioning. Unfortunately is impossible.

What is the saddest thing for you?

[Beach_Babe]

He will never recycle or even talk to me unless he's dead desperate.

[SummerStorm]

That she was so afraid of abandonment that she thought the only way I would stay was if she had sex with me.  I told her that I was fine with just being friends, that I would wait to see if she and her boyfriend worked out, and that if they did, I would help her plan her wedding.  I told her all of this, and I hung out with her a few days later, but I kept pushing her away when she tried to get too close or tried to hold my hand.  She saw this rejection as a rejection of herself as a whole.  When those methods didn't work, she jumped on top of me and started kissing me.

I was fine with being just her friend, but she just couldn't leave well enough alone.  And as soon as she crossed that line, she felt like she needed to keep having sex with me, to ensure that I never left her. 

It's just so sad that she thinks that sex is all she has to offer.  To her, it's the only thing someone could possibly want from her.   

[fromheeltoheal]

Yes, the disorder is sad, the folks with it are sad, and the people they touch are sad, mostly anyway, which is why we're here.  And while we're at it, what do you feel most happy about?  Balance is healthy.  For me right at this moment it's my health and fitness, which has been a focus for a while and the efforts are paying off, I feel like I can leap tall buildings in a single bound, maybe just metaphorically, but hey, feels great.  How about you guys, what are you most happy about as well?

[Schermarhorn]

Knowing that the pain I feel from being with her is nothing compared to how their life actually is.

We will eventually find someone and be happy, they will be on a cycle their entire life.

Its extremely sad, because most of them already had a hard life which caused the disorder.

[SummerStorm]

Right now, I'm happy that she's moving 3,000 miles away in a month.  I wish I knew the exact date so I could throw a party.

[rotiroti]

Yes, the disorder is sad, the folks with it are sad, and the people they touch are sad, mostly anyway, which is why we're here. And while we're at it, what do you feel most happy about?  Balance is healthy.  For me right at this moment it's my health and fitness, which has been a focus for a while and the efforts are paying off, I feel like I can leap tall buildings in a single bound, maybe just metaphorically, but hey, feels great.  How about you guys, what are you most happy about as well?

It's amazing how much free time one can have when not trying to anticipate a pwBPD's reaction. I am incredibly happy to have me again. Learning about myself and also getting back into my hobbies. Re-connecting with friends and family and remembering what it's like to be in a healthy bond with others.

Right on about fitness Fh2h! I should be hitting 3000 miles on my first road bike sometime this week and I'm super excited!

Insert Quote

Right now, I'm happy that she's moving 3,000 miles away in a month.  I wish I knew the exact date so I could throw a party.

Forget the date, let's start celebrating now!

Knowing that the pain I feel from being with her is nothing compared to how their life actually is.

That's an incredibly powerful insight Schermarhorn, you've come so far in such a short time. Proud of you man!

[Invictus01]

That my fairy tale princess wasn't real... .just like an actual fairy tale isn't real, come to think about it... .

[SummerStorm]

rotiroti,

It's sometime around her birthday.  I've always found it darkly humorous that her birthday is 9/11.  Sure, the events of that terrible day in 2001 came nine years after her birthday, but whatever.  On the day that everyone in my country remembers and thinks about the worst terrorist attack on U.S. soil, she celebrates her birthday.  Again, darkly humorous. 

[zundertowz]

The saddest thing for me to deal with is the smear campaign... .the fact that she choose to try and ruin my life... it's something i'll never understand or forgive.

[dobie]

Her cold callous selfish indefirence to all the pain she caused her total lack of empathy or treatment of me as a human being with a heart

[Mr Hollande]

I can look back at myself during the last year with her. How sad, worn out and worried I was. How hard I tried and kept trying and how I, unknowingly, was fading as an individual. How much I loved her and how much I wanted it to work and how none of my hopes and wishes were never going to happen.

That is sad. It's incredibly sad.

[Michelle27]

I can look back at myself during the last year with her. How sad, worn out and worried I was. How hard I tried and kept trying and how I, unknowingly, was fading as an individual. How much I loved her and how much I wanted it to work and how none of my hopes and wishes were never going to happen.

That is sad. It's incredibly sad.

This.  A thousand times, this.

[soar]

That everything I thought was 'special' about our relationship was actually worthless.

[butterfly 27]

Hello friends   

What hurts the most for me was my ex choose break up with me instead of fighting for our relationship and face the things together, I was going through a difficult time in my life with my studies and my family and all I needed was her with me, but she never saw it that way... .  :'(

And worst of all is that no two weeks did she break up with me that she found a girl of the USA the "love of his life"   and play in my face when she has the opportunity to say that she has never been happier in her life as sheI feel with my replacement.

[neverloveagain]

That I made such time and commitment to someone unavailable for 10 years. And in the end non of it mattered. I'm glad the mirror broke and with it she showed me deep down what's wrong with me. Now I have a chance to heal my own core wounds and be a better person something she will never be.

[SGraham]

The fact that she once thought the world of me and now im probably little more than an afterthought. That compounded with the fact that i still care about her so much.

[woofhound]

The hardest part for me was when i realised that she was emotionally damaged and probably incapable of changing... .I have a severe white knight complex due to my relationship with my mother and its engrained very deeply. Knowing that i can't save her bothers me to this day. I hear things about her; that she's been doing opiates and stimulants regularly and might be pregnant. There's not a thing i can possilby do for her, and it hurts.

[Yolanda123]

Many things make me sad... .That the great man I thought he was does not actually exist... .That the dreams and hopes I had to make a happy life with him were based on mostly lies. That he leaves a trail of pain on his life path, his two sons (19 and 16) that he is estranged from as they don't want any contact with him, and his new granddaughter that he will most likely never see, and that he doesn't even begin to wonder if there's something wrong with him and the way he treats people that love and trust him. That I thought he loved me for who I was, and that I thought I loved him for who he was, and that was all dysfunction and distortion.

So many people's hopes and dreams crushed. It's really sad.

Posted by: fromheeltoheal 

Insert Quote

Yes, the disorder is sad, the folks with it are sad, and the people they touch are sad, mostly anyway, which is why we're here.  And while we're at it, what do you feel most happy about?  Balance is healthy.  For me right at this moment it's my health and fitness, which has been a focus for a while and the efforts are paying off, I feel like I can leap tall buildings in a single bound, maybe just metaphorically, but hey, feels great.  How about you guys, what are you most happy about as well?

What makes me happy is that I found the strentgh to remove myself from a toxic Relationship. That I am now reflecting on my own personal issues and understanding the reasons why I stayed and accepted things that I shouldn't have. That I believe that this is gonna make me a stronger, better person, knowing my own Worth and value and not waiting on anyone else to make me feel like I am worthy of love.

[fromheeltoheal]

What makes me happy is that I found the strentgh to remove myself from a toxic Relationship. That I am now reflecting on my own personal issues and understanding the reasons why I stayed and accepted things that I shouldn't have. That I believe that this is gonna make me a stronger, better person, knowing my own Worth and value and not waiting on anyone else to make me feel like I am worthy of love.

Nice Yolanda!  And you might agree that anything that inspires you to become stronger, better, and know your own worth and value, and makes you able to feel you are worthy of love by yourself, is a good thing, maybe even a gift?

[Yolanda123]

Posted by: fromheeltoheal 

Nice Yolanda!  And you might agree that anything that inspires you to become stronger, better, and know your own worth and value, and makes you able to feel you are worthy of love by yourself, is a good thing, maybe even a gift?

fromheeltoheal, it's sometimes hard to see it as a gift still, but I am on the journey to see it that way... .thank you 

[fromheeltoheal]

Posted by: fromheeltoheal 

Nice Yolanda!  And you might agree that anything that inspires you to become stronger, better, and know your own worth and value, and makes you able to feel you are worthy of love by yourself, is a good thing, maybe even a gift?

fromheeltoheal, it's sometimes hard to see it as a gift still, but I am on the journey to see it that way... .thank you 

And we're all right where we're supposed to be on the journey.  Take care of you!

[willtimeheal]

How everything she told me was a lie. And how easy it was for her to take and take and then crush me without blinking an eye. I find it sad that people like this exist in the world.

[Thread]

Sad that no matter how much I hope for things to be better, knowing it

Probably won't. That's the worst two feelings to have. Hope and reality.

[lipstick]

After all this time? Being forgotten. Erased. That's what makes me sad now. Otherwise - I'm working on finding my own happiness. The lesson that I learned was that I'm responsible for my own happiness. I don't need to seek it thru another person.

But knowing that he has forgotten what happened between us? That he chose an abusive, alcoholic partner over me? When I do think about him - that is what makes me sad (kind of).

[Chrisbazsky77]

That we named our child (we always wanted a little girl first)before even conception... .hurts that we can't have the family we dreamed of having.

He would kiss my tummy sometimes-we would talk about her, say her name etc... .On the other hand, I look at it as a blessing in disguise-imagine a child in this madness?

Still makes me sad though, even with that fact in mind.

[sas1729]

Hey,

It's hard for me to find the saddest part in all of this. There are many things that I am sad about when I look back. I suppose they can all be reduced to "I'm sad that she has BPD." That's basically it. All of the rest stemmed from that. But there are some particular things that did affect me.

I'm sad that I invested so much energy into the relationship and got little in return. I'm sad that I let it go on. I'm sad that I couldn't take control of my life and instead allowed myself to be hurt and my family hurt.

I'm also sad that my BPDex was hurt. When I left I genuinely think she was very sad about the relationship ending. I do think that she loved me but BPD was clouding everything. Throughout all of the bad times I think underneath the layer of BPD there was a desire to have things be right. But that's just it, isn't it? That's the catch. BPD isn't something that can be dispelled magically, especially if it's undiagnosed.

All of this leads me back to my original statement. I'm sad that she has BPD.

[twanda2020]

I am sad that she was unwilling to let things go. So unwilling to try and work things out. Get help as a couple. With out forgiveness there is no room for even a friendship and that makes me sad too!

I am sad because I miss her.

I am sad because I want to talk to her about things. I am also sad because I know I can't talk to her about things.

I am sad because I let me self get drawn back in and now feel used and worse then I did after the initial b/u.

Truth is I am just sad about all of it.

[Kelseas]

i have never been so loved by anyone in my life. The part that hurts the most is that I was only a dillusion sadly. Feels like a cruel joke was played on me. He left as quick as we fell in love. I trusted him... .He was my Psychiatrist for two years before he pursued me to start a relationship. He showered me with gifts, trips all over the world.  He bought me a huge diamond engagement ring and treated me as if I was the love of his life.  We lived a rocky 5 months together, then all of a sudden he becomes secretive and ignorant towards me.  I moved out.  I believe my former fiancé/psychiatrist is BPD. 

[skyla]

I'm more sad about the loss of friendship. Knowing that I'm painted black, and I'll never get that sweet fun friend back. I wanted to end it on good terms, but his abandonment fears set in and he maliciously attacked me for months with nasty phone calls and messages. I eventually had to block him.

It's sad that we'll never get closure from these people. It's sad to know that they really do have a deep hatred for us, and we will be rememberd as repulsive people who caused them pain. It's sad to know that they're sick, and there is really nothing we can do to help them.

rotiroti,

It's sometime around her birthday.  I've always found it darkly humorous that her birthday is 9/11.  Sure, the events of that terrible day in 2001 came nine years after her birthday, but whatever.  On the day that everyone in my country remembers and thinks about the worst terrorist attack on U.S. soil, she celebrates her birthday.  Again, darkly humorous. 

Mine's birthday was on Friday the 13th