Today is the day... I'm a wreck

[hojo53]

I haven't posted my whole story here, but it's much like most others on here. Reading all your stories have been a great help.

Today is the day. Papers being served for divorce and Temp restraining order for my 2 children. I'm a mess right now. Wife is BPD NPD HPD, general anxiety. Affairs, lies, manipulation... .we've all been there.

Any advice from anyone?

[cloudten]

I certainly understand that you feel like your world is falling apart.  Somehow you need to internalize the idea that this is a new start! It is breathing room!

There is light at the end of the tunnel. The divorce tunnel is hard enough without the personality disorders. it's a loss of hopes and dreams. It will take you quite some time to grieve the loss of your marriage. I highly recommend a divorce support group. It helped me quite a bit.

In terms of detaching from the relationship, that is a whole recovery in and of itself. Are you seeing a therapist?  If necessary, have a safety plan in order.

Please be patient with yourself. You aren't crazy for feeling like a mess right now. It is an appropriate reaction for what you are going through.

Just breathe... .it will get easier soon!

Do something nice for your kids... .and do something nice for yourself today.

[Mutt]

Hi hojo53,

I'm sorry to hear that. I completely understand how distressing that this would feel.

Are you scared with how your W is going to react?

[hojo53]

thanks to you both cloudten and mutt.

she is a loose cannon and in very much in a manic phase right now. So I'm scooping up my girls and going to my in-laws place during the time she's served. Unsure what will happen after that.

I'm at work, can't focus, can't do much of anything really. I know it will all get better with time. But no time is like the present.

[DestroyedKnight]

thanks to you both cloudten and mutt.

she is a loose cannon and in very much in a manic phase right now. So I'm scooping up my girls and going to my in-laws place during the time she's served. Unsure what will happen after that.

I'm at work, can't focus, can't do much of anything really. I know it will all get better with time. But no time is like the present.

Been exactly where you are,never married fortunately but had 2 children with my ex of 9 years.I know you can't see the woods for the trees right now but believe me in time you will . Think about what is most important right now,number 1 your children and number 2 YOU! you have probably spent most of your time thinking only of her and how to please her,should it really be like that? time to think of yourself.

I was working a full time job going through the separation,I couldn't focus,her on my mind day in day out,walked out of work in floods of tears and felt like my whole world was crumbling around me,so much so I wanted to walk in front of a lorry one day.Now I can't believe I ever felt that way about a complete and utter fantasy woman who never truly existed to begin with.

SHE DOES NOT DESERVE YOU,YOU ARE AWESOME  stay strong and keep posting on here for support

[hojo53]

Thanks DestroyedKnight

I rely on these board and the people for strength and support. You guys all rock!

Thanks for the encouraging words. They all mean so so much

[Mutt]

Hi hojo53,

Her manic phase shall pass. Spending time with family and focusing on your two girls helps. I found that my kids kept me busy and they appreciated that dad was there through a difficult time. It helped me with staying grounded and it helped them as well. Have your attorney handle the stress with STBX that's what we pay them for.

[imstronghere2]

Been exactly where you are,never married fortunately but had 2 children with my ex of 9 years.I know you can't see the woods for the trees right now but believe me in time you will . Think about what is most important right now,number 1 your children and number 2 YOU! you have probably spent most of your time thinking only of her and how to please her,should it really be like that? time to think of yourself.

I was working a full time job going through the separation,I couldn't focus,her on my mind day in day out,walked out of work in floods of tears and felt like my whole world was crumbling around me,so much so I wanted to walk in front of a lorry one day.Now I can't believe I ever felt that way about a complete and utter fantasy woman who never truly existed to begin with.

SHE DOES NOT DESERVE YOU,YOU ARE AWESOME  stay strong and keep posting on here for support

Yeah, what DK said X 2 !   Especially the part where she was a fantasy woman who never truly existed to begin with.  She doesn't deserve you but YOUR CHILDREN DO!

Stay strong for them.  You will get better and stronger the longer you're away from her.

[SouthernMama]

How did she handle it?

Remember, she controls her own actions. You're doing this for the kids. I tell myself this everyday. My ex-BPD husband (deceased) would self harm or rage or abuse drugs or alcohol when he was stressed. It was hard, b/c I would then feel guilty and ignore his bad behavior. However, it's not fair to the kids to put them through a life of ups & downs.

Praying all is well.