Really want to talk to her Noo

[VIDEO: "What is parental alienation?"]

Well today I have a massive urge to break 12 days NC.  Its weird, I just want to hear her voice.  What the heck am i thinking?  TBH, i dont even know what i would say.  Just a strange urge to want to make contact for some reason.  I also think i feel slightly indifferent.  And I keep swaying from Im lucky to be out of it, to missing her and wanting her with me.  From she's bad news, to is she really?  Complete craziness.

Pathetic!

[seang]

Well today I have a massive urge to break 12 days NC.  Its weird, I just want to hear her voice.  What the heck am i thinking?  TBH, i dont even know what i would say.  Just a strange urge to want to make contact for some reason.  I also think i feel slightly indifferent.  And I keep swaying from Im lucky to be out of it, to missing her and wanting her with me.  From she's bad news, to is she really?  Complete craziness.

Pathetic!

[saintgrey]

I consider myself lucky in my situation, i have read a lot about how people want to get back with their ex and i can't imagine wanting to get my ex back but the thing is she did something terrible so I'm not hurting like most people here.

Maybe try to focus on the bad stuff every time you get those feelings and remain with no contact, thats best advise I've seen here and trust this people  they know very well from past experience that its not worth it, this people can't be trusted.

[Loosestrife]

Hi Seang

I'm day 14 and I have felt the way you describe for the last few days. I feel like I'm sweating drugs out of my system and detoxing. It's a battle. As Saintgrey says - think about the negatives, what would it be like if you made contact and recycled? Why would it be any different this time?

L

[seang]

Thanks guys, I dont think Ill crack and fold.  And I do try and imagine the negatives.  Funny with NC, as good as that is, also brings with it a sense of separation from the fact, from the bad if you know what I mean.  You tend to actually start to believe that, were they actually that bad?

And i know there is no way things would be diff if i initiated consct.  Thats got to be down to her, and whatever mind set im in at the time, I will deal with it accordingly.  But she's not going to contcat me.  Its done.  Shes gone.  Im black and not with a toss now.

just ___ being the weekend, and not being with them.  And Im pretty sure im not in her thoughts and shes just happy as larry.

[Mutt]

Hi seang,

I understand the urges with wanting to contact our exes. You were together for a year. I agree that NC brings a separation from the fact and you'll start to see things more clearly and feel better. The first few days are tough and can feel like withdrawal. It gets better. Hang in there.

[Darsha500]

Stick to your guns seang, don't relent, holdfast!

I'm right there with you seang. I'm having a really hard time not ruminating myself. I think of myself engaging in a dialog with her in my head - thinking of all the things I should have said. Or simply replaying the hurt. Then replaying the happy moments as well, which is not so bad. I have to remind myself, though, that my choice to separate from my ex and go nc was not much of a choice. Or, rather, it's as if I had no choice. The situation was simply a no win situation. I had hit rock bottom.

Here's what I'm trying now to help me with my ruminations. It requires me to be super mindful and I'm just now starting to really try to implement it. Whenever she pops in my head and I catch myself drifting into thoughts about her, once I catch myself, I tell myself out loud, STOP IT! Then I shift my attention to something else. The way I figure it, the rumination is a habit that has to be broken. It's as if we are wiring our brains to constantly ruminate by virtue of ruminating.

Best of luck seang.

[seang]

Well, managed to get thru.  Its strange, i think my reasoning to want to speak to her is to gauge if shes actually still got me split black.  I think if i spoke to her now and she was still off with me it would almost confirm she's ticking the boxes of BPD.  I mean, would a normal person still be off with you at this stage?  Still having a real issue keeping my mind on track thats shes Ill. 

Total head fuk at times. 

Dont worry, Im not gonna break.

[LonelyChild]

Well today I have a massive urge to break 12 days NC.  Its weird, I just want to hear her voice.  What the heck am i thinking?  TBH, i dont even know what i would say.  Just a strange urge to want to make contact for some reason.  I also think i feel slightly indifferent.  And I keep swaying from Im lucky to be out of it, to missing her and wanting her with me.  From she's bad news, to is she really?  Complete craziness.

Pathetic!

This is normal. Not pathetic in any way. I think what you're missing is the illusion she painted for you because she couldn't stand the idea of you seeing her for who she really is. You're not going to end up in some happy fairytale. She needs to heal on her own, and so do you.

[LonelyChild]

Well, managed to get thru.  Its strange, i think my reasoning to want to speak to her is to gauge if shes actually still got me split black.  I think if i spoke to her now and she was still off with me it would almost confirm she's ticking the boxes of BPD.  I mean, would a normal person still be off with you at this stage?  Still having a real issue keeping my mind on track thats shes Ill. 

Total head fuk at times. 

Dont worry, Im not gonna break.

My uBPDxgf split me black for many months and did insane things. I'm now back to being painted white and it's even worse, because she does EVERYTHING she can to appease me but I still realize how she will most likely never grow up to be a real woman. I hope she will. But I think I'm just going to be in the way of it. Realizing you have to leave someone while being painted white is 10x worse than when you're painted black.

[seang]

Thanks again for the response guys.

It seems a lot of you on here are still having interactions with your Ex's many months after?  Why is that?  Is it them keep hanging around, or you not really letting go for some reason?  Its not a critisism, just that I hope in a few months Im well and truly out of the hurt, sadness, wanting to speak or see her stage and shes gone out of my life for good!  She hasnt bothered with me since dumping me out of nowhere 6 weeks ago, so i cant for the life of me see how she will get back in the picture.  Shes moved on.  I will. 

Why do some of you still seem to be involved somehow? 

[Mr Hollande]

After the final discard I went NC in so far as I made no effort to contact her. For revenge (of a kind) I didn't block her on my phone or any social media. I never made any mention on FB etc. about heartache, loss or anything else. As far as she could tell it was all business as usual.

Soon enough she started contacting me and the response was always no reply or putting the phone down without a word. Once she begged me not to hang up so I asked her what she wanted and after a few minutes of waffle I put the phone down. In December I had enough of her messages on FB and blocked her. That has been the extent of my interaction with her since the break up in May 2014.

My wish was to have her on the outside looking in and it appears to be where she is. It's petty revenge but it's mine and for the 5 years of pain and worry followed by a cruel discard I've earned that little sweetener.

Don't be so sure that your ex has moved on. A majority of posts from various members here suggest the contrary. Chances of her one day appearing out of the blue are high. A more important issue is how you'll handle it when or if it happens. I am a year and 4 months out and having made a lot of progress detatching from mine I was still caught with my pants down when she phoned me a couple of months ago. I handled it OK but boy was I rattled and confused afterwards.

You may wish for contact so you can show her some strength and independence but while you might think you have broken free completely don't underestimate the hold she could still have on you.  

[Mutt]

It seems a lot of you on here are still having interactions with your Ex's many months after?  

Hi seang,

I have kids with my ex and I have shared custody and we co-parent , I had to detach and depersonalize her behaviors because I had suffered enough. I can't do NC, I can do low-contact but the reason why I interact is because we have kids.

The youngest is  4 years old and I have to co-parent for another 14 years and I didn't want to be walking on eggshells until my youngest is of age, I wanted peace for me and my family. My kids need to have a dad that's emotionally healthy for them.

[Remiman]

Thanks again for the response guys.

It seems a lot of you on here are still having interactions with your Ex's many months after?  Why is that?  Is it them keep hanging around, or you not really letting go for some reason?  Its not a critisism, just that I hope in a few months Im well and truly out of the hurt, sadness, wanting to speak or see her stage and shes gone out of my life for good!  She hasnt bothered with me since dumping me out of nowhere 6 weeks ago, so i cant for the life of me see how she will get back in the picture.  Shes moved on.  I will. 

Why do some of you still seem to be involved somehow? 

She keeps initiating contact. Dangling little carrots. She knows I want her, I want to be with her, but I can't because the lack of trust I have, and the anxiety of trying to avoid a raging session makes me ill. A more self respecting person would believe they don't deserve that, tell her to get knotted and move on. But I melt when I hear from her