Why is this so hard?

[OopsIDidItAgain]

Every couple of days she texts me with the dumbest questions. "How are the dogs?" "How's your life?" "How's your job" "did you have a fun weekend?"  "Let's meet up!" "Sorry  need to cancel"

Seriously? After two years together you think we can be best friends after we break up and it's only been a month and a half? This is beyond heartbreaking.

I was on the staying boards for a while because I was considering it. She told me all the positive changes she made and I thought maybe just maybe she had changed. Her random

Texts are meant to keep me hanging on just enough in case she needs something I'm guessing. She always makes it known to me when she texts she's not doing anything. (Such as having plans)

I was stupid to think she was changing and maturing. These texts are proving nothing to me nothing but  the fact she wants me to try and chase her. It's all a game. Why can't I block her? I'm trying so hard to detach completely. 

However, all this stuff I'm doing for me is making me feel amazing. I don't need her, in fact I'm not even sure I would take her back at this point. Focusing on me and my needs is

A hell of a thing

I just needed to vent. 

[Surg_Bear]

Why is it so hard?

It's only been 6 weeks.  That's hardly enough time to recover from a sprained ankle.  How about a relationship that lasted a year and a half?  It takes time.

You're right- unless you are both agreeing to try and remain best friends through the break-up (my wife and I are), it might be better for you to respond to her texts with something that lays a boundary-

"I'm sorry that I can't meet with you, I am trying to get over a really difficult break-up."

"I'm sorry I can't respond the way you'd like about how the dogs are doing, I am busy trying to get through the grief of losing a really important relationship."

I think she is testing you, to see if you're still hanging on- because she sure is.  If you want her to leave you alone, so you can attend to some really important things like addressing your own needs, you need to lay a firm boundary around it.  She needs to hear something that is going to be difficult for her to hear- you guys are broken up, so she needs to leave you alone.

I'm sorry that I don't know your back story- whether you left her, or she left you, but the truth is, the relationship stopped 6 weeks ago, and you are doing your best to stay out of the trappings of going back.  She is not.  Don't listen to her.  If you want her back, then take her back, but I gathered from your post that you are busy becoming a better person without her.  Sounds like that is the more respectable campaign for you now... .at least to me.

Stay strong in your boundaries.  With time, it won't be so freaking hard.

Good luck-

Surg_Bear

[OopsIDidItAgain]

She ended the relationship out of nowhere. Fifteen minutes before she was so suddenly unhappy she wanted to get married and have children. 

I am gathering she is now realizing how big of a mistake she made but, she knows me. She knows that I am always open to communication which is baffling me why right now she's being so unclear about what she wants.

What really bothers me is that she's completely turned off all feelings. Like she can so easily be my buddy without a care in the world. I ignore her texts as much as I can. But when she sends several I usually reply because I'm a sucker. I do wait out my replies and get back to her within 24 hours.

[Beach_Babe]

If she is still stringing you along like a buddy, then there is someone else.

[Mutt]

Hi PX1983,

I'm sorry to hear that. I agree with Surg_Bear and Beach_Babe that this takes time and that she's not validating with how you feel and is showing you little empathy when you're hurting.

What really bothers me is that she's completely turned off all feelings. Like she can so easily be my buddy without a care in the world. I ignore her texts as much as I can. But when she sends several I usually reply because I'm a sucker. I do wait out my replies and get back to her within 24 hours.

I think that we need to take care of ourselves, detach and heal and we can get off the emotional roller-coaster.

I can see how hard that would be when we get several texts a day and I don't think that you're a sucker. How about self-protection and not responding to her texts?

[apollotech]

She ended the relationship out of nowhere. Fifteen minutes before she was so suddenly unhappy she wanted to get married and have children. 

I am gathering she is now realizing how big of a mistake she made but, she knows me. She knows that I am always open to communication which is baffling me why right now she's being so unclear about what she wants.

What really bothers me is that she's completely turned off all feelings. Like she can so easily be my buddy without a care in the world. I ignore her texts as much as I can. But when she sends several I usually reply because I'm a sucker. I do wait out my replies and get back to her within 24 hours.

PX,

I think that's a wrong conclusion to draw if you believe that she has seen the error of her ways, and therefore, will straighten up and act normal.

All of this contact with you is to keep the attachment with you; the attachment is the priority, not you. I didn't say that to hurt your feelings, but I want you to understand what's prompting all of her contact, withdrawal of feelings, ambiguity regarding her wants/feelings, etc.

If you want it to end, you will be the one to have to end it. She won't end it as long as you keep the attachment alive by responding to her communications.

[OopsIDidItAgain]

I guess this is where my codependency comes into play and I feel as if I'll hurt her if I don't answer her and once again here I am putting her feelings above my own.

But you're right, I need  to drop all communication with her and stop wondering what the hell is going on. Her behavior and actions are showing two different things.

I guess it's just a hard pill to swallow that the person I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with is not that person. I need to accept that she's not going to change simply because she can't and she's unwilling to see she has a problem and get the right help for it.

I am so much of a better person without her, I can see that in the little time we have been apart.

[Beach_Babe]

How much can she really value you, PX if she keeps cancelling?