Sense of entitlement/BPD

[Lostone1314]

My exgf never in our 4 years living together in my home contributed to any of the bills save for $150 week for half my mortgage and she complained about that saying I can't believe I had to pay rent... she bought food but only fortnightly when her kids were over and God help me if I ate any it's the kids food she would say... she did pay for her half of our outings but towards the end when I wanted to go out she would say she had no money despite earning the same income as me and accumulating rental income from her home whilst living with me... .when we broke she said I wasn't worth the financial convinience... .she used her accumulated rental income to refurbish her home the month prior to our breakup leading me to believe we would still be together after she moved out due to her daughters hatred of me...

My replacement earns twice my income and has no problem spending it on her cause of her beauty... .the thing that hurts me the most is she abused my slight weight increase but he is much older and obese... she said she disliked overweight men and insisted I goto gym saying don't you want to look beautiful for your girl...

How does a beautiful slim 45yr old women find an obese 56yr old unattractive man attractive when her previous partner was only 10lbs overweight and 6 years younger... granted his extroverted personality may be attractive but I'm sure his wealth is more attractive.

[seang]

Yup, mine too.  Was only together for 12 months, but it was a constant expectation.  She ALWAYS moaned about being skint, and I would always pitch and and help where I could.  Her daughter, her, etc.  Every weekend we spent together, she never wanted for much.  I covered everything, but it never seemed enough looking back.

The last mugging i took, was to agree to loan money for a Jeep.  A jeep shes now taken without a thought and expects its her sole right as she has a daughter and dog.

To top it all off, we had a major row recently, and amongst other hurtful comments she made, she also mention that I didnt have a good job, didnt have my own children, and didnt even have a car!  No mate, you fukin nicked it! 

Dont think I EVER got much from her other than rage, break up, come back, rage, break up, blame, critisism, rage, break up.  

[Lostone1314]

The part I find hard is that mine never wanted for much either except that she bored easily especially if the activity didn't include alcohol... I don't think it's the money itself it's the entertainment it can afford ... .regular dinners,lunches,vacations,weekends away ect ect

She insisted I buy a Harley cause her friends and my replacement had one and that my hobby flying radio controlled helicopters was an embarrassment even though she bought it for me as a gift ?  Lost the will to fly and had to give up my hobby so I bought the Harley she wanted after we broke up enjoying that now...

She can have her Fatman and all his money at least I've lived and will continue to live my life with integrity,morals and human decency and in the end when your life is done no matter your wealth or how you've managed your entertainment the only thing that matters is wether your good or evil

[greenmonkey]

oh did mine have a sense of enitilement. Lived together for a year and the true colors showed.

She did not contribute a penny towards the household - bills or food or anything else. She was on a salary not fantastic but on a salary never the less. I was self employed. I worked 100 plus hours a week on a very lucrative contract - and she did nothing but complain

1. the houses in the next road were semi detached - and much more upmarket.

2. the money I earnt she never saw and never got any benefit from it

3. There was never the right food in the house.

4. The house was cold in July and needed the heating on (mid terraced, insulated)

5. When I had to take myself out of work due to the psychological damage she caused me - she still did not contribute to the household - instead she raged about it

6. When the bills could not be paid she raged about me not managing my money properly.

7. She suggested the house be sold we live off the proceeds - despite the fact she had contributed zero to it.

8. She wanted to know if she was a beneficiary in my will

9. She raged when she was faced with half of bills when I got rid of her

10. She believed that I am responsible for her finances and welfare, although we were never married or Civilly partnered - let alone have any joint assets, finances or kids.

This is only from living together. In the past I paid for her car to be serviced, MOT'd, speeding fines etc got her out of a lot of legal trouble.

And it still goes on 10 months of NC later. The sense of entitlement is still there it seems but being dealt wit by authorities now and out of my hands

[Lostone1314]

And don't they make you feel emasculated with their sense of entitlement... .it's as if you should be lucky to have them because there beautiful and if you aren't wealthy enough to entertain them as they believe they should be your worthless... I'm still feeling the shame of not being entertaining enough and have this mis belief that as a male it's my responsibility 100% to provide and that asking a woman to contribute financially is not gentleman like... so dam confused as to what is required in a Rs... she is as happy as a pig in ___e now she has someone who can provide without her contribution and he is just as happy cause he has his trophy... me I'm miserable cause I gotta unravel the damage she's caused by her constant verbal and emotional abuse... I have no idea what a normal Rs feels like both my last ones have been with disordered entitled women and starting to wonder if they are all this way that as men it's our duty in return for them keeping our beds warm.

[ShadowIntheNight]

My ex and I were together 9.5 yrs. Our birthdays are 2.5 weeks apart. We didn't live together, but would usually spend a week together either in July or Labor Day and celebrate them. I usually had mailed her gifts to her so that she had them on time. She usually mailed me a card and told me when we were together she would have my present then. Whatever.

But the most amazing thing of having spent 9 of my birthdays with this woman, she never paid for a single breakfast, lunch, or dinner as a gift to me. Not $3, not $7, not more. And anytime we ever went out to eat, I paid for both our meals. So technically, after having treated her like a Queen for the previous year, instead of honoring me on my birthday, I got a card. Usually. Sometimes she threw something in there that she paid $5 for.

They tell you to put away all your ex's momentos when they leave? I got all of hers to fit into a medium square box that is about 8 inches deep. And most of that is from photos and notes.

[Yolanda123]

And don't they make you feel emasculated with their sense of entitlement... .it's as if you should be lucky to have them because there beautiful and if you aren't wealthy enough to entertain them as they believe they should be your worthless... I'm still feeling the shame of not being entertaining enough and have this mis belief that as a male it's my responsibility 100% to provide and that asking a woman to contribute financially is not gentleman like... so dam confused as to what is required in a Rs... she is as happy as a pig ine now she has someone who can provide without her contribution and he is just as happy cause he has his trophy... me I'm miserable cause I gotta unravel the damage she's caused by her constant verbal and emotional abuse... I have no idea what a normal Rs feels like both my last ones have been with disordered entitled women and starting to wonder if they are all this way that as men it's our duty in return for them keeping our beds warm.

Lostone1314 I am an independent woman not expecting a man to pay for me and I can tell you that I was the one paying most of the time for my exBPDbf because he had a hard time keeping a job and was so disorganized with money and I suspect his money was being spent on pot and such rather than paying his rent on time... .so sometimes he would pay for groceries since he spent most of his time at my place, but with time, he had less and less money for even contributing.

No, not all women think it's a man's duty to pay in return for them to keep their beds warm. Sorry I thought your post was a little offensive and I had to talk... .

[GreenEyedMonster]

Mine has an income far below the poverty level, and it was well into the relationship before he would even buy me a cup of coffee.  Frankly, he's lucky he made it past the second date that way.  I am a successful, independent person and can pay for myself just fine . . . but when someone is your guest, it's polite to offer.

[Lostone1314]

wasnt meant as an offense Yolanda its just been my experience thus far and since ive not experienced a normal RS im confused as to what it is that is required from partners... my replacement has my ex on a pedestool and due to his wealth no doubt pays for everything and she is happy i was simply questioning wether this is what is required to keep a rs 

[Gonzalo]

Ahh, the joy of paying most of the bills (later all), walking on eggshells to avoid offending her, getting shouted at for hours anyway, and constantly trying to make her happy... .and then being told that she's putting in 80% of the work in the relationship. When she was sitting around unemployed for several months and I finally said something about it, she appeared to be honestly shocked that I wanted a partner and not a dependent, and blamed me for not telling her it was an expectation. It's just so strange trying to deal with an adult who thinks that way, it took me a long time to really believe what was happening.

[Michelle27]

Ah yes, entitlement.  After enduring 9 years of raging, several affairs and me financially carrying him for most of our relationship and at least 5 years of promises to get help without serious follow through, when I called it quits I was told I hadn't "given it enough of a chance".  Um, no.

I carried over 75% of the household expenses and for years would get raged at over holiday and birthday gifts that weren't good enough.  I've never been someone who cares what my partner makes or even contributes but those rages over my gifts and contributions not being good enough made me very bitter over his attitude over money.  We own a house together and for most of the last decade, I paid the mortgage, strata fee, his car payment (attached to the mortgage after an equity loan), my car payment and insurance, childcare expenses and extra curricular activities and over 90% of groceries.  He paid the utilities, his car insurance and child support for his son from his first marriage.  2 months full separation (after 3 months trial separation) and not a penny in child support for our daughter has been paid, and 2 weeks ago I received a letter from a lawyer asking for financials including wanting me to pay half for an appraisal of the house and my financial information (tax records for 3 years, etc.).  What an a$$... .

[adventurer]

All of the comments here hit home. The entitlement problem is probably the biggest problem for me in the relationship.

My wife has not worked in 10 years. She claims to be working on an art career but barely does any artwork. She always has an excuse ready.

She needed an art studio, I rented her a studio for 2 years. She needed an art studio space at the house, I bought a house with a large space for a studio. Nothing is/was ever good enough or there is always something else.

We need to fix the roof and fence and we are saving ZERO money because I am trying to support the whole household myself. Meanwhile, SHE needs a vacation, she needs to go get a massage, she needs another chiropractor visit. She wants the fence fixed, I tell her we have no money for it and she wants to try to take a home equity loan, no mention of her making money. Last time I pressured her to get a job, that I bust my ass at work for years and don't get any benefits because its supporting her life she said she is 'sick of dealing with entitled people'. She proceeded to have a 2 day temper tantrum that involved silent treatment, turning all the pictures of us as a couple around the house to face the wall, changing her status to 'single' on facebook - when she finally promised to look for work she immediately got 'sick' the next day. She told me she was certain she was pregnant and she took massive amounts of some sort of abortifacient herbs.

I have gotten better at saying 'no' to her wants and spending money on things we don't absolutely need but it is a constant struggle and I am tired of feeling like the 'bad guy'.

I flew her to California for her birthday, paid for everything, and went for a hike in the redwood forest for her birthday because that was always a dream of hers. I got nothing but bad attitude and silent treatment that day because I didn't get her a 'present' or a card for her birthday. I've since stopped buying her extravagant gifts.

I can't believe I've put up with this for so long but it's so hard for me to break away because I do care about her. I just hope I'm not stuck paying alimony for the rest of my life to her when we finally get divorced. I'm planning on filing early 2016. Living in the FOG this somehow seems normal and acceptable but writing it out logically I'm amazed at how stupid and manipulated I've been.

[cloudten]

Definitely entitlement... .However, I also found he is obsessed (projecting) with other people's sense of entitlement. He is completely obsessed... .has had lengthy conversations about how "awful" the welfare system is in the United States, about how lazy people are, and about how no one should be given handouts... .yet that is all he expects.

he has had week long conversations with me and with his own father (also BPD I believe) about the welfare system. I am not arguing that the system has flaws... .but it is this raging obsession for both of them and they dwell on it... .like there is some way for them to fix it.

Yet they remain completely entitled and I have gone broke at times trying to make him happy.

[Yolanda123]

wasnt meant as an offense Yolanda its just been my experience thus far and since ive not experienced a normal RS im confused as to what it is that is required from partners... my replacement has my ex on a pedestool and due to his wealth no doubt pays for everything and she is happy i was simply questioning wether this is what is required to keep a rs  

I think entitlement seems more of a BPD thing than a gender one. It seems a lot of pwBPD are more than willing to be non-contributors in the r/s, be it emotionally or financially.

No offense taken, I can understand your questioning... .a r/s with a pwBPD can seriously mess up with our values and beliefs  

[FannyB]

Lostone

My ex seemingly had it all with her narcissitic husband: big house, nice clothes, plenty of money, loads of holidays, no need to work etc. All topped off with the 2 children she wanted. And they all lived happily ever after? Hell, no! She painted him black for 'not loving her enough' and sailed off into the sunset with half his wealth and both kids in tow.

The point I'm making is that material possessions do not fill the great pit of despair that lies within pwBPD indefinitely. And for those that seemingly can provide the dream life for our disordered exes, the inevitable fall from the pedestal that they have been artificially placed upon is often far higher and more painful than the one us mere mortals suffered.


Fanny

[michel71]

The entitlement piece contributed the most to the lack of respect I developed for her. I can't think of one time where she ever put my needs before hers. It was all about her, all the time. I have a laundry list of specifics but I think the main point is that the BPDs are selfish and most have the NP crossover. Do they intentionally want to rip you off? Maybe, maybe not. I think it is just that they really can't think beyond themselves and lack a great component of empathy and equity. Are they evil sociopaths? Although it may feel like it, I think most are not. They are just very disordered.

[greenmonkey]

The entitlement piece contributed the most to the lack of respect I developed for her. I can't think of one time where she ever put my needs before hers. It was all about her, all the time. I have a laundry list of specifics but I think the main point is that the BPDs are selfish and most have the NP crossover. Do they intentionally want to rip you off? Maybe, maybe not. I think it is just that they really can't think beyond themselves and lack a great component of empathy and equity. Are they evil sociopaths? Although it may feel like it, I think most are not. They are just very disordered.

For me that sums it up so well - always about her, no one else was important enough in her mind - not even her son. She put herself first even before his needs and requirements.

The disorder is just awful what it does, how they act out, self destruct, sabotage everything in their path and have a life of extreme loneliness and pain. I feel for her, but at the same time, I was a person in the relationship with feelings who suffered due to her disorder. I put myself and my family first now and that is more important.

[Bigmd]

Same here. Paid for just about every dinner or lunch . Never ever opened her wallet. But I figured I make a good living so I didn't care. Bought her a beach cruiser so she could ride with her kids. Her daughters ac unit broke so I bought a 300.00 replacement so she didn't have to. A Louis viton bag costing 1400.00 for her birthday because it was what she wanted. The list goes on. She had the nerve to call me cheap too, one of many criticisms. At the end in one of our last talks she called me selfish haha.