Repeating patterns of behavior...

[Herodias]

The current victim (gf) posted yesterday that her bf left notes around the house for her... .how sweet! He did the same thing to me- through the whole r/s. Even while he was cheating on me with another... .even when he was up to other- no good. I was just thinking of it as little crumbs to feed my infatuation of him- to keep me hooked. One more sign that he is doing the same thing with her that he did with me. I am believing more and more that they don't change with the next person. Just wanted to share that little bit of evidence- thought it was interesting... .

[enlighten me]

Its very easy to believe that they have changed and it was your fault the relationship failed. When you see the same patterns go on you begin to realise that it wasn't you and no matter what you did it wasn't going to end well. Im sure his previous gf had notes and the one before. And Im sure the one after this one will. They will probably all have had the same unacceptable behaviour that you had as well.

The cycle seems to repeat indefinitely.

[Pretty Woman]

I'm friends with my exes ex. Our mutual

Ex told her almost verbatim the same shyt she told me. Weird stuff like:

-if I were a guy I'd piss a circle around you.

-you are my dream girl

-no one has ever done anything this nice before for me.

Same stuff. Different person.

[hurting300]

They have robotic like settings. They tend to lead double lives from what I can tell. Rest assured, they aren't happy.

[toddinrochester]

I don't know how you guys do it. I can't even bring myself to look at her FB page. Just a feeling that I can't handle it and that she is dating someone new. Did you guys wait a while to look?

[DaKid]

I don't know how you guys do it. I can't even bring myself to look at her FB page. Just a feeling that I can't handle it and that she is dating someone new. Did you guys wait a while to look?

I would definitely stay off of social media. I noticed that they try to show the world how wonderful their life is. Without you. My ex went on this big thing of how extremely happy she was and how amazing everything was. And now with being replaced so quickly too. Just adds to her awesome happiness. I had to tell people to not tell me what they see on her page as well. A few people noticed the how happy I am and said something to me as it was known that we just split for good this time. And wow. She is so so happy now?

I just have to tell myself too. Like the title says she is just repeating the same patterns with someone else now. And I have to work on letting go and healing.

[Herodias]

Pretty Woman... ."-if I were a guy I'd piss a circle around you. " That's hilarious! LOL

Mine was going to die at the same time as me, even though we were 17 years apart, love me until we die, blah, blah, blah!

 I didn't wait to look. I saw the gf FB, not his. She was doing all the posting of the love-bombing,lol. Same stuff... .leaving notes around the house for her(I taught him that), she said, "he completes me", "he's my rock", " I loved him when I first met him" (funny because they were both married!) Makes her look ridiculous I would think! Her rock is really quick sand and if she feels completed by him, it's very sad for her! I think she doesn't even know him and as she figures it out and he changes to degrade her (as NPD's do)... .she'll see that the Kharma she keeps wishing on everyone who is trying to tell her he is no good, will come to fruition on her! I am a tough cookie! I was tough to stay in it 8 years... .I can handle the aftermath. Just want to see her get hers... .sorry, but she deserves it for cheating on her husband. I know mine will never be happy and that's almost enough for me... .wish he would see what a mistake he made, but won't know if he ever truly feels it or not. I do know she is not what he wants and I am sure he is still seeing others. She has now stopped posting much at all. I am wondering if he told her to stop posting so much, as that may interrupt his chances getting back with the one from Xmas... .they are all FB friends... .crazy!  I am seeing it happen. Wish I was a fly on the wall. He was calling her Bella, which he did to the gf he cheated on with me! I wouldn't let him say it, so since she doesn't know, she thinks it's special, She will soon see... .The crazy thing is that her best friend is a therapist! She doesn't live close by, but I am wondering when she is going to figure it out and tell her! They are only 26 though... .

[Popcorn71]

All the same stuff happened for me too.  My xBPDh used to leave love notes, particularly in places other people would see them, such as on the noticeboard in the kitchen.  Who was he trying to impress?

At the beginning of our relationship I got large bouquets of flowers each week.  This gradually dwindled, until the last ever was a half dead reduced bunch from the local garage!

At first, he was so generous to me and my kids.  Whatever we wanted he would buy for us.  But by the time we were getting married, he didn't even buy the ring.  I had to go alone to choose it and pay for it!

WOW what was I doing with him?  I must have been stupid.

My only consolation is that I really believe that they will repeat the behaviour.  They just can't stop it.  It's in them and they will never get rid of it.

So it looks like the replacement will eventually get just what she deserves.

[Michelle27]

I don't know how you guys do it. I can't even bring myself to look at her FB page. Just a feeling that I can't handle it and that she is dating someone new. Did you guys wait a while to look?

When I ended the relationship after a 3 month therapeutic separation, I knew social media would be a problem.  My ex practically stalked my own FB page, even while sitting next to me on the couch, asking questions about people who liked or commented on my page... .drove me so crazy that years before the end of the marriage, I hid my friends list.  I have a huge FB list because of some games I used to play and various groups I belong to so it just always seemed weird to me.  Within weeks of me ending the marriage for good, I deleted and blocked him, not just to have him not stalk me anymore (the last year of the marriage there was real life stalking too... .following me, checking I'm where I said I am (always was) and I think electronic stalking of my phone and/or laptop) so this was a real concern to me.  Not to mention, I didn't want to see his activities either... .I knew I needed to move forward and heal and that wouldn't be possible if I was checking on his social media.  Of course, that didn't stop mutual friends from telling me within weeks about the woman posting on his page about how amazing he is, the $80 bouquet of roses he gave her (gave me roses the day we met too) etc...   But I've asked those friends to keep me out of the loop.  I don't need to know anything.