first post

Hello, Everybody. This is my first post

I am posting here because I stumbled upon this page looking for answers to something not being "quite right" in my relationship.

I was wondering if this board think my partner has BPD traits, although histrionic fits better I believe. I am thinking of ending every our relationship, but haven't quite bulled the trigger as of yet. here are the red flags I have noticed. there are probably many more, but I can't remember them all.

1.when we first met we had a lot of similar interests. Now those same interests are things not in common. what happened? it's almost like she pretended to like things and now she doesn't anymore

2. Complains constantly and incessantly. if she wants something or wants me to do something she complains in circles over and over and over. in the beginning I enabled this by trying to help her out now it's just out of control. she complains about work, then not working, then other people etc. it's not just venting either. it's complaining and it's very draining

3. she is horrible with life skills. she will not pick up after herself, cook, pays bills late, just doesn't seem to have basic life skills. she expects me to do all of that. once again at first I did. and now it's just so draining. I can't work, cook, clean, pay all bills, take care of everything while she does little to nothings. not sure of this is BPD or just immature, selfish, spoiled brat

4. she complains that her ex always called her selfish and spoiled I can see why

5. Not good with finances. she wants to eat out for every meal yet not pay for it. that's what I am for. she needs more and more and it's like it's never enough. ex. her cell phone died. she needed another one. she I on my plan so I went ahead and bought her a 500 dollar phone. no thank you, just "you didn't get a cover for it". its like that with everything. she keeps spending and spending. to the outsider she doesn't look like high maintenance because she doesn't use it on hair, makeup etc...

6.she has 30,000 in debt which wasn't brought up until recently

7. on conversations are one way. if we are talking about her she lights up and talks and talks. if I say anything she will listen and give absolutely no feedback of any kind

8. she makes these comments that aren't really zingers, but they are little digs at me all the time. she uses always and never statement and tries to use guilt on me all the time. she makes me feel anxious, nervous and like I have to tip toe around her at times

9.doesn't give me any space. my god. always around, never time apart and if I suggest it she angers. she texts constantly if i'm away. if I go out I wind up on my phone the whole time trying to comfort her so I basically don't have a good time

10. she made me expel all female friends. even one I had known since I was in daycare. over thirty years. I feel bad about this and it tears me up inside

11. her actions do not match her words. she will tell people she cooks, cleans and pay bills. she doesn't none of it. she does this with many things

12.her mother still controls her through phone. she talks to her three times a day and we have to do things her mother says... annoying

13. I have been noticing that nothing is ever her faults. at home, work anywhere. I can be blamed for a lot of this also

14. she is snoopy. she goes through my things, my phone, etc. I don't care I am not doing anything, but it's a violation

15. once a month she experiences rages. it lasts all day and takes three to four days to recover.

16. uses the silent treatment when she doesn't get her way

17. hangs up on me during phone conversations then gets home and all is ok

18. Most of all I feel empty. a knot In my stomach. at times I feel controlled ( because I am) and feel like a prisoner in my own home.

19. she uses projection. she tells me i'm controller her when i'ts the other way around.

20.small things become crisis. she has to call everyone and repeat the small crisis over and over... .overreaction to things

so, does this sound like BPD, or cluster b or an immature, selfish spoiled brat?

I am already in the process of distancing myself from her with possible future plans of asking her to vacate my house. I would appreciate any advice from anyone. thanks



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