Diagnosis + Treatment
The Big Picture
Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde? [ Video ]
Five Dimensions of Human Personality
Think It's BPD but How Can I Know?
DSM Criteria for Personality Disorders
Treatment of BPD [ Video ]
Getting a Loved One Into Therapy
Top 50 Questions Members Ask
Home page
Forum
List of discussion groups
Making a first post
Find last post
Discussion group guidelines
Tips
Romantic relationship in or near breakup
Child (adult or adolescent) with BPD
Sibling or Parent with BPD
Boyfriend/Girlfriend with BPD
Partner or Spouse with BPD
Surviving a Failed Romantic Relationship
Tools
Wisemind
Ending conflict (3 minute lesson)
Listen with Empathy
Don't Be Invalidating
Setting boundaries
On-line CBT
Book reviews
Member workshops
About
Mission and Purpose
Website Policies
Membership Eligibility
Please Donate
October 31, 2024, 07:19:43 PM
Welcome,
Guest
. Please
login
or
register
.
1 Hour
5 Hours
1 Day
1 Week
Forever
Login with username, password and session length
Board Admins:
Kells76
,
Once Removed
,
Turkish
Senior Ambassadors:
EyesUp
,
SinisterComplex
Help!
Boards
Please Donate
Login to Post
New?--Click here to register
Near or in break-up mode?
What Does it Take to Be in a Relationship
Is Your Relationship Breaking Down?
Escaping Conflict and the Karpman Drama Triangle
Emotional Blackmail: Fear, Obligation and Guilt (FOG)
95
BPDFamily.com
>
Relationship Partner with BPD (Straight and LGBT+)
>
Romantic Relationship | Bettering a Relationship or Reversing a Breakup
> Topic:
He said I disrespected his father and so we're through
Pages: [
1
]
Go Down
« previous
next »
Print
Author
Topic: He said I disrespected his father and so we're through (Read 416 times)
blackorchid
Offline
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Posts: 421
He said I disrespected his father and so we're through
«
on:
October 02, 2015, 03:11:44 PM »
Hi
My non diagnosed BPD boyf dysregulated and packed up everything in our apartment because I said that his father couldn't move into our apartment... .he said I disrespected his father and so were through. He's blocked me in everything.
I probably overreacted. Forgot about BPD and thought of him as a 'normal" person. I think over the past three weeks I've pushed him away more than ever through trying to contact him. My nerves were shot when he left. I hadn't slept in 5 days due to him being in bed for three days saying he was depressed then him going out all night drinking on the 4th night and me being worried sick all night when he didn't come home and his phone was switched off. That night his dad turned up (who I think is a trigger for him) and me walking on egg shells and trying to keep my distance for the 2 nights he was there.
Do I need to go total N/C now or after re reading articles on here do I need to send him a validating message?
Logged
PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES
This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.
Turkish
BOARD ADMINISTRATOR
Offline
Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Other
Relationship status: "Divorced"/abandoned by SO in Feb 2014; Mother with BPD, PTSD, Depression and Anxiety: RIP in 2021.
Posts: 12179
Dad to my wolf pack
Re: He said I disrespected his father and so were through
«
Reply #1 on:
October 02, 2015, 10:41:05 PM »
Hi blackorchid,
It sounds like he may be enmeshed with his father. Denying his dad moving in may have triggered his rejection sensitivities, causing such a severe reaction. Going NC is a tool to detach, and aside from his behavior, NC on your side will likely reinforce the abandonment script in his head (regardless of the fact that he left). What do you really want out of this for you? Is it ambivalence, or concern about escalation?
Turkish
Logged
“For the strength of the Pack is the Wolf, and the strength of the Wolf is the Pack.” ― Rudyard Kipling
blackorchid
Offline
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Posts: 421
Re: He said I disrespected his father and so we're through
«
Reply #2 on:
October 03, 2015, 02:39:32 AM »
Hi Turkish,
I think you're right regarding him being enmeshed with his father. I'm concerned for him and as corny and stupid as it sounds I just want him to come back home. Out of interest are you Turkish? He's Turkish and the family dynamics are very different to mine. (British). Thank you
Logged
Turkish
BOARD ADMINISTRATOR
Offline
Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Other
Relationship status: "Divorced"/abandoned by SO in Feb 2014; Mother with BPD, PTSD, Depression and Anxiety: RIP in 2021.
Posts: 12179
Dad to my wolf pack
Re: He said I disrespected his father and so we're through
«
Reply #3 on:
October 03, 2015, 02:09:45 PM »
No. Turkish was the name of the pet rat my ex made me abandon so I could move in with her. Two examples of my lousy boundaries right there. The rat was named by its previous owner after Jason Statham's character from three movie Snatch. The other rat was Tommy.
Logged
“For the strength of the Pack is the Wolf, and the strength of the Wolf is the Pack.” ― Rudyard Kipling
blackorchid
Offline
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Posts: 421
Re: He said I disrespected his father and so we're through
«
Reply #4 on:
October 03, 2015, 04:27:46 PM »
Oh ok. Thought it would be too good to be true. Sorry you had to give away your pet... .Hopefully you can get a new one. Should I continue NC in your opinion or try something else.
I think his dad may be a trigger for him. But he always projects those feelings on to me. Like he can never see his dad as the "bad" one so I always become the "bad" one.
I have feeling too that his parents are telling him not to get back with me aside had a few calls from his my telling me just how happy she is. My trip back home was delayed, through non related issues, by one week. She even called me panicked that I wasn't going and that I should hurry up and go.
This has been frustrating me even more and so I have contacted him much more in the initial aftermath than I usually would. Had also led to me not validating how he's feeling, which has probably pushed him even more away.
Initially I was just too angry. He too, everything that we bought together. Tv laptop. Furniture. So being in our apartment for me atm is a constant remainder of what he has done and how unacceptable it is.
Logged
Can You Help Us Stay on the Air in 2024?
Pages: [
1
]
Go Up
Print
BPDFamily.com
>
Relationship Partner with BPD (Straight and LGBT+)
>
Romantic Relationship | Bettering a Relationship or Reversing a Breakup
> Topic:
He said I disrespected his father and so we're through
« previous
next »
Jump to:
Please select a destination:
-----------------------------
Help Desk
-----------------------------
===> Open board
-----------------------------
Relationship Partner with BPD (Straight and LGBT+)
-----------------------------
=> Romantic Relationship | Bettering a Relationship or Reversing a Breakup
=> Romantic Relationship | Conflicted About Continuing, Divorcing/Custody, Co-parenting
=> Romantic Relationship | Detaching and Learning after a Failed Relationship
-----------------------------
Children, Parents, or Relatives with BPD
-----------------------------
=> Son, Daughter or Son/Daughter In-law with BPD
=> Parent, Sibling, or In-law Suffering from BPD
-----------------------------
Community Built Knowledge Base
-----------------------------
=> Library: Psychology questions and answers
=> Library: Tools and skills workshops
=> Library: Book Club, previews and discussions
=> Library: Video, audio, and pdfs
=> Library: Content to critique for possible feature articles
=> Library: BPDFamily research surveys
Our 2023 Financial Sponsors
We are all appreciative of the members who provide the funding to keep BPDFamily on the air.
12years
alterK
AskingWhy
At Bay
Cat Familiar
CoherentMoose
drained1996
EZEarache
Flora and Fauna
ForeverDad
Gemsforeyes
Goldcrest
Harri
healthfreedom4s
hope2727
khibomsis
Lemon Squeezy
Memorial Donation (4)
Methos
Methuen
Mommydoc
Mutt
P.F.Change
Penumbra66
Red22
Rev
SamwizeGamgee
Skip
Swimmy55
Tartan Pants
Turkish
whirlpoollife
Loading...