A simple text throws me into a tail spin

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

I have been separated from my BPDw for 11 weeks now. This is the 3rd time I had to leave the house for my safety in a 21 month marriage. I had a pretty good weekend and felt pretty good about the pain subsiding a little bit. It felt good to be able to breath without the elephant on my chest.

I have been strictly NC for most of the separation period, and she has been fairly quite for the last 4 weeks (which is extremely unusual for her).

So I get a text from her concerning cancelling the trash pickup. No hidden messages just straight logistical.

And I get that paralyzing surge of energy in my chest and the battle is on.

Over a stupid non threating little text, I am still so raw, it really stinks and I am really getting sick and tired of it.

Every little thing is on a hair trigger.

No way to live.

[Rameses]

I have been separated from my BPDw for 11 weeks now. This is the 3rd time I had to leave the house for my safety in a 21 month marriage. I had a pretty good weekend and felt pretty good about the pain subsiding a little bit. It felt good to be able to breath without the elephant on my chest.

I have been strictly NC for most of the separation period, and she has been fairly quite for the last 4 weeks (which is extremely unusual for her).

So I get a text from her concerning cancelling the trash pickup. No hidden messages just straight logistical.

And I get that paralyzing surge of energy in my chest and the battle is on.

Over a stupid non threating little text, I am still so raw, it really stinks and I am really getting sick and tired of it.

Every little thing is on a hair trigger.

No way to live.

[enlighten me]

Hi Rameses

I can understand these feelings. I would have mini anxiety attacks with interaction with my exs. I believe I ended up with PTSD from the relationship with my exgf. It might be worth you having a read up on PTSD and see if it could be a possibility.

EM

[hopealways]

Totally PTSD, I am the same. And it is so curious that they know & feel when we are starting to move on, which is precisely when they decide to show back up.

[Rameses]

But the perplexing thing is that I`m the one that always leaves the house because of the craziness. And in the past she has always continued to pursue me, that has stopped.  So, when she does send me something pertaining to the divorce I get that sick feeling, because I feel that she has finally given up and is moving on. Even though I want to move on too, it just hurts when now because I am finally realizing that it is indeed over.

[Rameses]

I also wanted to mention the PTSD you both suggested.

I am open and willing to look at anything, but how can it be PTSD when I am the one who left. It`s not she like dropped a bombshell on me by abruptly leaving.

[toddinrochester]

I can't imagine what a text or a letter from my exwBPD would do to me emotionally. I imagine if it ever happens I will come here first. You must be feeling a lot.

[enlighten me]

With PTSD you don't have to suffer a major trauma. An abusive relationship can do it. There is a film out about UAV (drone) operators in Afghanistan that suffer from it from watching the images. I have a friend who suffers from it because of this very reason.

[Rameses]

WHEN WILL I LEARN!

So I talked myself into just answering her back and letting her know that I had taken care of the trash pickup, since I had been pretty strict no contact almost a month, I thought it wouldn't hurt, since we were talking logistical stuff pertaining to the divorce.

WRONG!

That set off a barrage of texts that started out all business and ended up talking about the division of property in the upcoming divorce. And of course she said all the right things to set off every trigger. So now I`m a bundle of nerves and angst.

And I'm sure she`s feeling victorious for getting me to engage her.

Man they are so good at knowing when to strike, what to say and how to say it.

And the manipulation continues.

Back to square one with NC. And I was just feeling like I was starting to experience some victory.

I`m going to start a new thread with this same post.

[enlighten me]

Sorry she has triggered you. The best thing to do if they start this is to say "put your points in an email and I will answer it for you". Or just to turn your phone off and not engage them.

[Invictus01]

That is pretty familiar. The first 8-9 months (I'm almost a year out), any contact from her would just set me off, mentally and emotionally. Haven't heard from her in about 6 weeks, don't plan to reach out either. I am sure she'll show up when she needs something or she needs to poke me to see where I stand emotionally with her.

[Rameses]

That is pretty familiar. The first 8-9 months (I'm almost a year out), any contact from her would just set me off, mentally and emotionally.

Thanks for that comment. I get discouraged sometimes thinking I should be past these terrible feelings after 3 months. Looks like I got a ways to go, one day at a time.

[Michelle27]

I can relate too.  I already knew I had PTSD symptoms for about 6 months.  3 months of no contact now and I'm hearing of "stalking by proxy" going on (getting others to find things out about me) and it sent me into anxiety for close to 24 hours.  It's frustrating, but I believe time is the only way that's going to heal.  Clearly being safe from contact isn't enough.