Ex tried to contact a business associate of mine

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Hi all

I spoke with a business associate of mine yesterday on the phone regarding work matters, he then informed me that he would like to speak with me privately and moved out of his office to do so.

He informed me that my ex had tried to contact him through social media to which he told me he ignored her request.

I have known this guy for years and have become friends, i also informed him a while ago of the break up.

My question is, is this a common theme for our exes to try to contact people who we know if they cannot reach ourselves.

We have been broken up for 4 months now and i have been strictly NC.

Comments welcome please.

[English Sid]

Hi all

I spoke with a business associate of mine yesterday on the phone regarding work matters, he then informed me that he would like to speak with me privately and moved out of his office to do so.

He informed me that my ex had tried to contact him through social media to which he told me he ignored her request.

I have known this guy for years and have become friends, i also informed him a while ago of the break up.

My question is, is this a common theme for our exes to try to contact people who we know if they cannot reach ourselves.

We have been broken up for 4 months now and i have been strictly NC.

Comments welcome please.

[cloudten]

Yes, I think it is common. I encourage him not to respond, and possibly explain that she has a severe (untreated) mental illness. If she continues to contact your business partner, you might consider some sort of protection order. Have him block her if possible.

[Lucky Jim]

Agree, cloudten.  I warned those closest to me that they might hear from my BPDxW after we separated, so they were forewarned and forearmed.  I think this is a common theme.  Those w/BPD can be quite controlling and may attempt to poison the water, so-to-speak, with family and friends.  Those I warned were quite understanding about the problem.  Suggest you reach out to anyone else that you anticipate could be a person your Ex is likely to contact.

LuckyJim

[mitchell16]

yes, i think its very common. I after I went strict NC mine contacted my boss on several occasion. I think this was attempt to just get under my skin since she would always flirt with him trying make me jealous. As far as I know she didnt saying anything bad about me but it was still nerve racking.

[Michelle27]

Mine did this with neighbors.  When we were separated and taking turns staying in our home with our daughter, a neighbor was calling me with updates and letting me know what was going on when I was home, and then the week he moved out I was getting calls up to 5 times a day.  He hadn't told me he was moving out and my neighbor knew that so was updating me.  This same neighbor had been my confidante for the past couple of years while I struggled with whether to keep trying in the marriage or leave and she had for that whole time told me I was insane to stay as long as I did.  Apparently now, my ex is in daily contact with this neighbor and she's actually spying on my activities for him to report to him.  This woman apparently now has switched to his side, and it's making me want to sell my home and move.  Absolute craziness and shows how manipulative my ex is. 

[English Sid]

Thanks to all for the information.

I actually did tell my friend that I thought my ex was sick and he was very understanding.

I have also told my family, close friends, my bosses and close work colleagues, so hopefully I am covered in the event she goes down that route.

[shatra]

Sounds like they do this to get info on us (spying was mentioned by Michelle), or to badmouth us to the other person.

     It could also be triangulating----they pull a 3rd person in, to try to have some sort of connection with us. 

[letmeout]

It is awful being the target of a smear campaign. My ex is still doing it and we have been divorced for 4 years. I have maintained strict No Contact and I don't care what vile lies he tells anyone, I am just happy that he is never  physically in my presence anymore.   

[klacey3]

Hi englishsid,

In my experience, yes. After I went no contact in the first few weeks of the break he contacted 2 of my friends and acted like the victim telling them how much he misses me and loves me but how much of a game player, sl*t, compulsive liar etc I am. My Mum told him to leave me alone and he even said awful things about me to her.

Recently he has been obsessed with knowing whether I am seeing someone new and told me if I didnt answer him he would find out from someone I know. I lied and told him I was hoping this would help him realise its over as he said before he is going to continue to reach out to me as long as I am single. One of the last things he said was "you think you are clever blocking me. I have all the names of people I need. I have messaged your new bf but he is too scared to reply. He has no idea whats coming to him." I have no idea who he is talking about because I am not with anyone. In the past he has assumed I am  sleeping with someone based on them 'liking' a picture of mine on facebook. He is blocked but always finds a way.

I am sorry your ex is interfering at work. I am really glad your work colleague is understanding. I hope it isn't long before your ex gets bored of this. If everyone ignores her and she gets no reaction this should be sooner rather than later.