Dating NPD and BPD - Repeating the Pattern

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

I need to have some interaction with the exBPDbf as some of my stuff is still at his place and I cannot have my mail forwarded unless he closes the mailbox so for now I have a key.  We texted yesterday and I found myself slipping into that encourage him mode that is a skill of my codependent self.  It props open a door to a slippery slope. My dating history is BPD central (they pick me and I fall).

My counselor gave me a sheet to read:

Autobiography in Five Short Chapters

I. I walk down the street  . . . there is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I fall in.  I am lost . . . I am helpless.  It isn't my fault.  It takes forever to find a way out.

II.  I walk down the same street . . . there is a deep hole in the sidewalk.  I pretend I don't see it. I fall in, again.  I can't believe I am in this same place, but it isn't my fault.  It still takes a long time to get out.

III.  I walk down the same street . . . there is a deep hole in the sidewalk.  I see it is there.  I still fall in . . . it is a habit . . . but . . . my eyes are open.  I know where I am.  It is my fault.  I get out immediately. 

IV.  I walk down the same street.  There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.  I walk around it. 

V.  I walk down a different street. 

[SandWitch]

I need to have some interaction with the exBPDbf as some of my stuff is still at his place and I cannot have my mail forwarded unless he closes the mailbox so for now I have a key.  We texted yesterday and I found myself slipping into that encourage him mode that is a skill of my codependent self.  It props open a door to a slippery slope. My dating history is BPD central (they pick me and I fall).

My counselor gave me a sheet to read:

Autobiography in Five Short Chapters

I. I walk down the street  . . . there is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I fall in.  I am lost . . . I am helpless.  It isn't my fault.  It takes forever to find a way out.

II.  I walk down the same street . . . there is a deep hole in the sidewalk.  I pretend I don't see it. I fall in, again.  I can't believe I am in this same place, but it isn't my fault.  It still takes a long time to get out.

III.  I walk down the same street . . . there is a deep hole in the sidewalk.  I see it is there.  I still fall in . . . it is a habit . . . but . . . my eyes are open.  I know where I am.  It is my fault.  I get out immediately. 

IV.  I walk down the same street.  There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.  I walk around it. 

V.  I walk down a different street. 

[Michelle27]

I like it.  And it describes my 15 year relationship perfectly.  Only it took until the last 2 years to get to the last 2 stages.

[thisworld]

Thank you so much for sharing this. Something I will remember all my life.

[Moselle]

IV.  I walk down the same street.  There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.  I walk around it. 

V.  I walk down a different street. 

This is brilliant. Thanks for sharing

[hope2727]

My ex used to quote that to me. What does that say? Weird. I sometimes think it was me not him. But in the end I have to remind myself that he cheated, lied, broke promises, raged, manipulated, abandoned me and ran a smear campaign. So nope it was him.

[Moselle]

I think to avoid a new hole in the ground, we need to heal our wounds. I don't think it's enough to just know what to do intellectually. Our neediness may attract another taker, and they will attend to the neediness until we've fallen down another hole.

[SandWitch]

Mission accomplished . . . but I am not sure I did well.  Held the hug too long.  I could have slept with him and I didn't.  My body belongs to someone who loves me in a way I feel is love.  I guess I did okay.  He is wearing the ring he gave me on his pinkie of his left hand.  He is courting a man online and they are going to meet.  I think that I left about 2 weeks ago. 

I felt protective but can see there will never ever be a life for us.  NPD/BPD do not have that in them and he needs to court and capture new people - but still have a stable person at home.  That is not enough for me - that does not feel safe or loving to me.  What a sad confirmation of what my head already knows.  Started the lessons under healthy dating.  Thirteen qualities of what a love/soulmate would mean . . . he has 2 out of 13. 

At some point in life I would like have a dog - the man must love dogs.