Hell on Wheels ..back for more

[dumpsterdog]

So , if you have read my previous posts... you know the history... textbook episodes of abuse , rage, destruction of property, cutting , self injury, domestic violence ... .etc... .my girl " vixen " ... could be the poster child for BPD... .but I love her very much and am trapped in no mans land for over a year now... .currently we have been seperated for about two months... I want to come back home, she sometimes talks about it... says she loves me but doesnt think she can live with me... .says she misses me and is lonely... etc... .but everytime I think we are making headway towards making arrangements for me to actually move back into our home, the wheels fall off again... .this latest episode follows

$1600.00 in utility bills have been paid by her since i left... .some of those bills had been carrying balance forwards ( we were a little behind on some things )... .It had been my responsibility to pay the bills ) ... .but once she basically told me she wanted me to leave for at least 6 weeks... .i stopped payingv the bills... .hey... .you want me to not live here anymore,,,then you pay the bills... .was pretty much my stance

So she now says she wants me to come home, but not until I pay her back for the 1600. in bills she paid ( all bills are in her name by the way )... .stating that since I have been living with her for x numbrf of years, she feels 1600. is a cheap investment for me to be able to get my home back... .Anyway, that pissed me off, so I texted her that it sounded like she wants me to pay rent for having a girlfriend... .CAN YOU EVEN BELIEVE THIS EXTORTION TACTIC? And then , of course , I will be financially responsible for all bills from now forward... I do not mind paying the bills as the house is mortgage free, and it is in her name... .so basically, she gets off scot free... .her house was paid off by her ex husband and mother years ago... .and she wants me to pay all the bills, ... .she has a full time job and makes good money... .so she could afford to kick in a little ... .

Anyway I I said that if her idea of love is about how much money I can give her toward bills etc... .that she has no clue about what love really is... .she is pissed that she was forced to pay the bills after she KICKED ME OUT OF THE HOUSE... .and no says she  " WANTS WHAT IS OWED TO HER "  .

So basicaly ... the little princess will allow daddy to come back home only when he forks over $1600... .


Am I nuts too, or does anyone else feel a little icky about this situation.?

Anyway, when I responded that I wasnt up for renting my love one month at a time, she completely flew off into to ... .DONT EVER COME BACK TO MY HOUSE MODE... .SHE SPLIT ME BLACK AGAIN... .

And since i have been home to my parrents house, i have found that many people find me to be a pretty good man, and  like having me around, when I mentioned that to her ... .she says... ., FINE, GO TO WHO EVER THINKS YOU ARE SO WONDERFUL... .USE THEM, STEAL FROM THEM... .etc... .so she has split me black again... .

The last few days we have been talking about me moving back, and the fact that she refused to sleep in our old bed together unless we had a new mattress... .so I offered to buy a new mattress as a Christmas present... .and I asked her if that would be an acceptable present ( she has an aversion to accepting furnishings or appliances or anything that isn't totally about her and could be used by someone else ... .as presents )... .so she said that would be fine and  immediately added, ... " I want new sheets and a new comforter as well " as if a 1200 dollar mattress wasnt enough... .so ( here's where I made my mistake )... .I said " wow, Im offering to buy a really big ticket item and you want more "... .thats where the communication broke down and went toward money... .she decided she wanted her 1600 back so she could speng it how she wanted. " I do not want any presents from you... and I'm not buying you anything either... i just want the money thats owed to me. "

What a f ing b___... .I want to strangle her... .



anyway, now shes not talking to me or answering texts or calls and says it over ... .again... .everytime we have one decent conversation about me coming home, it breaks down into " I dont want you back " from her.


comments , suggestions etc... .?

dont hold back.

I would especially like to hear from a female BPD person on this... .

Thanks

Hell on Wheels.

[livednlearned]

Hi dumpsterdog,

When a relationship is on life support, money becomes a last-ditch way to measure things that are pretty much intangible.

Relationships usually break down in stages, and we use different skills to try and resuscitate depending on what stage things are at. How would you describe your relationship at this point?

[guy4caligirl]

IMO, If you love her that much and can afford the 1600 do it , also be ready to what comes along in living back together , mattress or money , it doesn't matter and why pay rent while you're paying the utilities ?

If you live on your own you will be paying a whole lot more and not being with her .

It's your choice ?

Your problem is simple compared to other members , perhaps willing to pay 10 or more times that amount  just to get them to give it another chance . You do what you can afford to pay her back ,okay you didn't live there but how worth it is it to you  ?

Good luck .

[Skip]

I would especially like to hear from a female BPD person on this... .

You already have.

The problem is not the $1,600. The problem is that both of you are drama junkies. People that fight using drama typically learn it in their family. The good news is that you can cure yourself. A person with BPD often has a drama style and she is not likely to be able to give it up as easily as you. But if you respond in a non-drama, non-threatening way on a consistent basis, she will likely start following your lead at some level.

Before anything can get better, you have to stop making it worse - and I mean you since you don't have a comes mental issue.

If you makes changes you will feel better, she will feel better, and she will start following your lead. How much she follows you're depends on how good a leader you are - and if she grow to appreciate harmony Ina relationship.

The first step is that you need to want to fix this and be willing to do the initial work quietly - without pronouncements to her.

Are you ready to do that? This is the first decision you need to make and there is no right or wrong answer except the ambient one.

Skip

PS: We have an article in the main page that will give you some of the basics - go to the toolbar at the top of the page, select articles, Crisis... ., Escaping the Karpman Drama... .