Please help me I am feeling strong desires to punish him.

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

Please help me! I am feeling so bad again! So much anger and rage inside me at the things he said and physical did to me. Part of me wants to punish him and contact the archbishop and let everyone know that he was lying and scamming his way through the priesthood. And part of me wants to just let him hurt. But it's a year of mercy. And I don't like feeling like this. I feel so bad about all he did and how little he cared. But I need to remember that he is sick and it wasn't about me. But it's not working. Can you guys talk me down from doing this. It's not worth it. And I'm sure his life will be full of bad things at his own hands anyway . Right? I'm feel ashamed and embarrassed that I am looking to punish him or for revenge. It's not a nice thing to do or act. I feel like a bad person. But I loved him so much and dedicated so much to him and to what we had and I'm left hurting so bad. I treated him like a king and helped him study for jobs , I got him two jobs and he treated me so poorly . How can I just let go of this hurt and move on from thoughts of him. I don't like the person I've become because of this experience .

[Itstopsnow]

Please help me! I am feeling so bad again! So much anger and rage inside me at the things he said and physical did to me. Part of me wants to punish him and contact the archbishop and let everyone know that he was lying and scamming his way through the priesthood. And part of me wants to just let him hurt. But it's a year of mercy. And I don't like feeling like this. I feel so bad about all he did and how little he cared. But I need to remember that he is sick and it wasn't about me. But it's not working. Can you guys talk me down from doing this. It's not worth it. And I'm sure his life will be full of bad things at his own hands anyway . Right? I'm feel ashamed and embarrassed that I am looking to punish him or for revenge. It's not a nice thing to do or act. I feel like a bad person. But I loved him so much and dedicated so much to him and to what we had and I'm left hurting so bad. I treated him like a king and helped him study for jobs , I got him two jobs and he treated me so poorly . How can I just let go of this hurt and move on from thoughts of him. I don't like the person I've become because of this experience .

[thisworld]

Itstopsnow hi,

Thank you for writing your feelings so openly. You are a very courageous person. And I think you are a person of great integrity when it comes to values. You definitely sound like someone who walks their talk. I appreciate this so much in the world. And I think I understand the sense of unfairness, the sense of protest you feel inside. That feels rightful, too. Only, vengeful action taken with your mood may bring nothing but regret to you later, because of your own values as a person. I fear that if you act on them, you will again not like the person you have become because of this experience. Maybe you can't move from these feelings to mercy and forgiveness right now - and why should you, everything has a time. But how do you feel about allowing yourself to feel these courageously and humanely, with a strong decision that you will not act on them? Would that make you more comfortable?

The way you treated him and the way he treated you seem very unbalanced - as many of us have experienced. This may mean that some wants, needs, values of yours have been seriously neglected. When you think of what you expected from him, what were the most important things? Are you giving them to yourself now?

Best,

[Itstopsnow]

Thank you thisworld,

I feel so alone and your words were so kind and merciful to me. I don't have a strong support system and I'm hurting as much as I have been from day one it seems at times . Hopefully these feelings will pass . Thank you again! It made me cry but I think that is good. I feel a relief of some sort at least . Thanks again my friend

[thisworld]

Heyy, you are welcome.

We are all together in this

Please feel free to PM me if you need to talk about anything.

Love,

TW

[La Carotte]

Hey Itstopsnow

I just wanted to echo what thisworld has so eloquently put. You seem from all your posts that you are a brave person with great integrity and I think that you will probably regret doing anything vengeful, although I can completely understand why you would feel like you want to.

The biggest of cyber hugs to you, what you have experienced is so difficult.   

[Driver]

Please help me! I am feeling so bad again! So much anger and rage inside me at the things he said and physical did to me. Part of me wants to punish him and contact the archbishop and let everyone know that he was lying and scamming his way through the priesthood. And part of me wants to just let him hurt. But it's a year of mercy. And I don't like feeling like this. I feel so bad about all he did and how little he cared. But I need to remember that he is sick and it wasn't about me. But it's not working. Can you guys talk me down from doing this. It's not worth it. And I'm sure his life will be full of bad things at his own hands anyway . Right? I'm feel ashamed and embarrassed that I am looking to punish him or for revenge. It's not a nice thing to do or act. I feel like a bad person. But I loved him so much and dedicated so much to him and to what we had and I'm left hurting so bad. I treated him like a king and helped him study for jobs , I got him two jobs and he treated me so poorly . How can I just let go of this hurt and move on from thoughts of him. I don't like the person I've become because of this experience .

Hi Itstopsnow,

Whatever you have done, I guess you have done it out of love. Seeking revenge would be as if all that you had done was out of interest. Also, I guess, that if he hurt you, I guess that you don't want to imitate him by hurting him back and become like him.

Sorry to sound a bit rough, but come to your senses and let there be love. Sow the seeds of love without asking anything in return. If he hurt you, see the positive side of it such as not being with him any more.

[Itstopsnow]

All very good points! Thank you! My angst is calming down a bit ... .I really have a hard time feeling and processing anger. I rather feel anything else but that! 

[Driver]

All very good points! Thank you! My angst is calming down a bit ... .I really have a hard time feeling and processing anger. I rather feel anything else but that! 

Let me tell you a story.

There was a wise man who never got angry in his life. It sounded unbelievable so a young man came up to him and asked him: 'How come you never get angry?'

The wise man asked back: 'When someone wants to offer you a present, but you refuse it, to whom does it belong?'

The young man answered: 'To the one who wanted to offer it.'

The wise man then said: 'You see, it is the same thing with people who try to insult or hurt you. Don't accept it and their insults and pain will belong to them.'

[hope2727]

I so feel your frustration. I don' think its about punishment as much as justice in my mind. Anyway I wanted to brighten you day so I am sending you a link to a video. I gave it to my ex during his divorce when he was really down in the dumps. Please promise me you will listen all the way through. I promise it will make you smile. Hugs.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=atBg9zLI2bA

[Itstopsnow]

Thank you Driver I liked that story! Good moral. And hope2727. Cute light hearted song  and video. Very funny. Made me smile. Thank you! And yes it's not the person I ever want to become. Plus I don't want my actions to reflect someone I don't want to be. I don't heed to point out to him or world all the wrongs he has done to me and others. He will one day have to take ownership of it. Whether he wants to or not

[Itstopsnow]

God is funny in many ways... I went on my Facebook and I had a memory pop up on my feed that I wrote in 2013 exactly today! I reread it and was like Wow! I really said some good stuff there! Now I need to listen to my own words and live by them! This is what I wrote back then and I need to remember it more than ever now! Hopefully it will encourage or help others.

Forgiveness it the biggest gift you can give to anyone and to yourself as well. It is a priceless gem that is efficacious and the fruit it bears are without end. The cost to giving it out or receiving it is Zero. Yet, the reward and return are 100 fold! The freedom from bondage and the shackles to the past are broken in an instant when made with sincerity. None of us have ever been without the need of obtaining forgiveness from others and even from ourselves. The font of overflowing grace and peace spring up from this unending supply of charity that comes from being able to let Love actually flow through your being. In bringing forgiveness to the forefront of your life, For in forgiving it is the surrender of pride, ego, hate, & self-centeredness. Letting actual graces take root in your life can be the most liberating and beneficial gift you can give or receive. Bar~None... .I Love Lent more time to reflect and realize these actualities of life!