Hi roger 321,
In short, what does your gut tell you about what you want and need? Whether you want to pursue this or detach, we can help and support you either way.
Given that you posted to the Improving Board, you can start by taking a look at the lessins to the right of the board. As it says, starting by understanding these behaviors is a good start. It leads to learning the validation tools which can help you reduce conflict on your side. Typically, the long exolanations don't register, but rather trigger the core feelings of fear of abandonment and perhaps even her shame ("I'm unlovable".
My Ex did this push-pull behavior in the beginning, and it was nothing short of confusing. Here's the thing, and it took me years to realize this: I wasn't responsible for her emotions. I did, however, contribute to escalating dysregulations due to my lack of understanding both her, and also my role in the r/s (Lesson 2).
That being said, she's here and there. With you, but not with you. Partners are triggers, often unwittingly. Identifying how we may inadvertently trigger our partners is a good first step. Maybe this can help, tell me what you think:
The Do's and Don'ts for a BP relationshipTurkish
