In need of some sense...

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

Hi All

its been little more then 3 months since my break up and almost a month since NC with my ex. I am on antidepressant and cant wrap my head around this break up. i was with my ex for over 3 years and we had our share of break ups but the last one was really bad, it got violent. I am seeing a therapist and i have the logic there but my emotions are a mess. i really loved this girl regardless of the situation and now i am just a shadow of a man. i was pressured constantly about getting engaged with her (through her) and the situation just didn't seem right.

After many efforts to keep the relationship in track i kept failing over and over no matter what. that been said i have locked my self in the house for the last 2 weeks and i have no will for nothing. I am wondering if anyone can tell me if it gets any better and if anyone had a similar situation?  even after all the things that happen between us  i still cant get her out of my head. The food is doll, the music reminds me of her (same taste in music we had) the warm weather, we used to be doing stuff outdoors. i am lock inside my apartment and it seem like i cant see the light at the end of the tunnel.

Any support would be appreciated. 

[Heartbroken_guy]

Hi All

its been little more then 3 months since my break up and almost a month since NC with my ex. I am on antidepressant and cant wrap my head around this break up. i was with my ex for over 3 years and we had our share of break ups but the last one was really bad, it got violent. I am seeing a therapist and i have the logic there but my emotions are a mess. i really loved this girl regardless of the situation and now i am just a shadow of a man. i was pressured constantly about getting engaged with her (through her) and the situation just didn't seem right.

After many efforts to keep the relationship in track i kept failing over and over no matter what. that been said i have locked my self in the house for the last 2 weeks and i have no will for nothing. I am wondering if anyone can tell me if it gets any better and if anyone had a similar situation?  even after all the things that happen between us  i still cant get her out of my head. The food is doll, the music reminds me of her (same taste in music we had) the warm weather, we used to be doing stuff outdoors. i am lock inside my apartment and it seem like i cant see the light at the end of the tunnel.

Any support would be appreciated. 

[JerryRG]

Hey Heartbroken,

Yes things get better, I personally am much better but still have bad days, 4 months NC, she sent a Christmas card, I tore it up, she text me a few weeks ago, got my number from someone? Coming to this forum is has helped tremendously and my involvement in AA and Alanon, church, councilor and work keep me busy. Doing anything healthy, eating right, exercise, being around supportive people especially family. Learning as much as you can about BPD so you know the facts from the lies. Relaxing and avoiding anything that reminds you of her, get rid of all the leftovers, throw that stuff away.

Get to the bottom of why you would be with someone so damaged as these people are. I found out why I put up with her for years and that is all I can work on and fix, I tried helping her and that is impossible. Just work on ourselves and find our self worth again, these people take our souls or we give it to them.

Hang in there, things do get better and there is s.o much help here.

You are stronger than you know!

[Mutt]

Hi Heartbroken_Guy,

I'm sorry to hear that you're going through this. I agree with JerryRG with taking care of ourselves by eating healthy, getting active,  talking to people that love us unconditionally like family and friends. Depression is hard. I would suggest starting with going out for a walk when we have anxious thoughts.

Depression: Stop Being Tortured by Your Own Thoughts

Stress, anxiety and depression

[lovenature]

I can relate to becoming a shadow of a man; realizing how broken I have really become compared to the person I was before I met my ex has been extremely painful.

I found that when I first started to learn about BPD I felt much better, then I started to focus on why I accepted what I did and stayed as long as I did; shifting the focus to me and my childhood caused more extreme pain, but through this pain I have hope that I will be able to shift away from my co-dependency and into a healthier life.

While our stories and struggles are similar, only you have walked in your shoes. Grieving is not linear and there is no set timeline. I have found that it is best to remain NC, allow your thoughts and feelings-don't suppress them. Realize that it is very hard to see positive at this time, and easy to see negative; I found it best to remind myself to always be realistic about things-I know how distorted my thinking became at times.

Know that this is very tough and you are not alone, there will be good and bad days going through the tunnel on the way to the light at the other end.