I probably shouldn't move out on Mother's Day weekend?

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

So I've made a few posts here regarding my issues. Long story short, I live with my BPD girlfriend and her 15 year old daughter but I've had enough of her s**t, especially the apparent lack of commitment to get better and the continued lack of respect on a daily level. I mean come on, she lies to her therapist and psychiatrist just so that she can get on the meds that she "thinks" are good for her and so that they "don't admit her into the hospital."  She's messed up on so many levels... .

But I'm feeling the FOG pretty bad. I've been procrastinating for weeks, or more like months... .I just can't get over how unpleasant the whole break up is going to be. It'll be a lot of logistical stress for me trying the get all my stuff out while she's gone and she's going to end up being very upset which causes more stress for me because I don't like when people are upset over something I've done. Plus her daughter is going to be extremely upset because her dad died of alcohol poisoning a few years ago, so I'll just end up being another father figure who left her.

But I'm dead set on getting out, I even have a deadline, I'm buying a house for myself and the closing date is the end of the month; so regardless, I'll end up moving out. My problem though is that I keep finding reasons why I shouldn't move out even though I had decent opportunities. Things like holidays, or her daughter's father's anniversary of his death, or other things going on that I want to do instead, etc... .So here we come to another weekend and I should probably use Saturday as moving day because she'll be at work all day. But of course, I'm feeling like to do it this weekend would just add to how much of an a**hole I am because it'll be a fairly important holiday and I'm certainly going to ruin it... .

So I don't know, am I just continuing to procrastinate or is this weekend a decent reason to put it off?

[prisonmike]

So I've made a few posts here regarding my issues. Long story short, I live with my BPD girlfriend and her 15 year old daughter but I've had enough of her s**t, especially the apparent lack of commitment to get better and the continued lack of respect on a daily level. I mean come on, she lies to her therapist and psychiatrist just so that she can get on the meds that she "thinks" are good for her and so that they "don't admit her into the hospital."  She's messed up on so many levels... .

But I'm feeling the FOG pretty bad. I've been procrastinating for weeks, or more like months... .I just can't get over how unpleasant the whole break up is going to be. It'll be a lot of logistical stress for me trying the get all my stuff out while she's gone and she's going to end up being very upset which causes more stress for me because I don't like when people are upset over something I've done. Plus her daughter is going to be extremely upset because her dad died of alcohol poisoning a few years ago, so I'll just end up being another father figure who left her.

But I'm dead set on getting out, I even have a deadline, I'm buying a house for myself and the closing date is the end of the month; so regardless, I'll end up moving out. My problem though is that I keep finding reasons why I shouldn't move out even though I had decent opportunities. Things like holidays, or her daughter's father's anniversary of his death, or other things going on that I want to do instead, etc... .So here we come to another weekend and I should probably use Saturday as moving day because she'll be at work all day. But of course, I'm feeling like to do it this weekend would just add to how much of an a**hole I am because it'll be a fairly important holiday and I'm certainly going to ruin it... .

So I don't know, am I just continuing to procrastinate or is this weekend a decent reason to put it off?

[Mutt]

Hi prisonmike,



It's not easy to end a r/s with a partner that you live with. Is it the thought of not living with someone that scares you?

[WoundedBibi]

We can't tell you if Mother's Day weekend is a good moment to leave or not. Compared to a normal weekend it might not be the best but you have found a reason not to leave every weekend... If you keep finding reasons not to move out maybe you are not so dead set on getting out as you think you are.

And that is because the aftermath will be unpleasant. For your gf as she doesn't know this is going to happen so you moving out is basically you guys breaking up, for the daughter as she is losing another father figure, and for you as your girlfriend and others will confront you with your actions.

So basically your fear of you hurting others and of them confrontating you is bigger right now than your urge to get out. As long as that is the case you will procrastinate.

[prisonmike]

Hi prisonmike,



It's not easy to end a r/s with a partner that you live with. Is it the thought of not living with someone that scares you?

No, I'm not scared to live alone, actually looking forward to it, and I'm not even worried about being without her, I'm just afraid of what she'll do when I go. I'm stuck between telling her and trying to make it happen or just doing it when she's gone and dealing with her afterwards. The biggest problem is that I have a leased car that she drives. So I gotta figure out what to do about that. It's gonna suck if she won't give it back or pay for it. And then I think about showing up in the middle of the night to get it when she's asleep but then I'm afraid she'll hunt me down and steal it back and vandalize my truck to get me back. She's very much one of those "I'll get you for this" type people.

[HurtinNW]

As far as her daughter, you might try to find a way to communicate with her, such as in a letter, that this is not her fault and she wish it could have been different for her sake. Stress all the fantastic parts of her personality, all the wonderful stuff about her, how much you cared and be frank about it being a loss to not be this part of her life. She's had a lot of loss and that gesture might mean a lot to her, if not now, then down the road.