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Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse... Have you considered that being critical, judgmental, or invalidating toward the other parent, no matter what she or he just did will only make matters worse? Someone has to be do something. This means finding the motivation to stop making things worse, learning how to interrupt your own negative responses, body language, facial expressions, voice tone, and learning how to inhibit your urges to do things that you later realize are contributing to the tensions.
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Author Topic: Friends and family siding with BPD post discard?  (Read 520 times)
burton2070

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What is your sexual orientation: Gay, lesb
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Posts: 16


« on: June 03, 2016, 07:38:46 AM »

 I posted a few days ago about the final discard happening two weeks ago. My parents were very close to her and they just don't understand what I'm going through right now. I tried to direct them to some reading on BPD tried to explain to them the way she treated me.  Basically, they have taken her side. Some of my friends have done the same. It seems everyone thinks my ex is a wonderful person who I somehow let slip away and I am the one losing my mind with all of this "psychobabble."  At this point. I'm starting to question whether they are right. Does she have BPD? NPD? Or am I losing my mind here? Has anyone else going through anything similar?
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Leonis
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Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: Separated
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« Reply #1 on: June 03, 2016, 07:44:43 AM »

From my experience, the only people that sided with my ex was her family.

My family, as well as my friends, all thought something was off about her. In addition, her friends/roommates only know that we've broken up and have nothing bad to say about me... not that I'm aware of anyways.

Then again, my ex doesn't really have anything beyond casual friends to be honest.
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Mutt
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Relationship status: Divorced Oct 2015
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« Reply #2 on: June 03, 2016, 08:12:49 AM »

I can relate. My ex had an affair and they broke up the family home with small kids. I was accused of emotional, physical and financial abuse and I lost all of our mutual friends, in-laws and some of my family said "you must of done something to deserve that"I got d myself defending my actions and trying to explain my side and my exBPDw's part and explaining BPD psychopatholgy.

She's not diagnosed and I told my sister that my ec mentally ill d she retorted that she's not mentally ill if she's not diagnosed. 60% of mentally ill people are not diagnosed and many people that are diagnosed don't believe that they have a mental illness.

That said mutual friends were sympathetic with exBPDw and I probably sounded crazy.

There are two sides to a story. All of our mutual  friends didn't ask me about my side of the story and some friends and family asked me about my side. I consider the people that listened to my side are people that really care about me and are understanding, people that I like to keep close and the others don't know better, listen to drama or were more friends with my exBPDw than me.

My advice is that you're not obligated to explain your exe's mental illness, don't JADE (Justify, Attack, Defend ,Explain ) Talk to people that have gone through it but BPD is an invisible disorder and directed at the people closest to them and complicated to understand if you haven't been on the receiving end of the behaviors.

The truth has a way of coming out on its own. When my ex fell pregnant after our separation with the other man'sbany, it's her fifth child and I had some family members say that there's something wrong with her when I gave them the news. I.didn't have to explain,my exBPDw actions speak for themselves. Take this time to self protect, from friends and family members if you need to and take care of yourself. The best thing to do is do nothing.
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