foggydew
 Offline
Gender: 
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Friend
Relationship status: widowed/7 years
Posts: 371
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« on: July 09, 2016, 09:12:28 AM » |
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Just read somewhere on a board - think it was from Livedandlearned - that pwBpd regulate their emotions externally - and I wondered if what my pwBpd did last night falls into this category. It's something he has often done - or similar scenarios. I wanted to book a rail ticket online, but there was a difficulty with the internet connection. He pushed me out of the way, saying I was hopeless and incompetent. He managed to book the ticket, but when it came to paying, I had to tell him my password - for some reason, it didn't work. Shouting again about how useless and incompetent I was, he typed in several different passwords - without asking me if they were mine (!), and managed to get my account closed so I couldn't pay anyway. Then he managed (intentionally) to lose the booking, shouted again how incompetent I was, didn't know my own password, etc. Having been pretty calm up to this point, I lost it and shouted back. He carried on for a bit, then calmed down, and I told him everyone makes mistakes, and it is ok to make mistakes, but it's not ok to pretend that he's the only intelligent one and that everyone else is incompetent - that makes people angry. He waited a bit, then said, yes, it was his fault, and he's sorry.
I often find it really difficult to deal with these sessions, because if I let him do whatever it is he thinks I can't, he usually makes a mistake that costs me time, money or trouble. But then I wondered if it might be a method for him to cope with his real fears of being incompetent. And show his own criticism of himself. And then I wondered how to deal with it at all, how to defuse it before it gets so far ... .And I'm not a saint.
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