NC and ex pulled a good one on me

[Skyglass]

So, after 6 weeks of NC I finally felt I needed closure. Unfortunately it didn't work out. I sat and wrote 2 paragraphs late last night in a mature, amicable way so that I could finally say I'm moving on and thank the ex for the good times that we did have. I needed to do this to move forward and get off the constant thoughts of him. Well, my exBFw/BPD pulled a really good one on me and had blocked my number. So he never got the message. He's never done that before. And what's really crazy is that I've never ever been the one to call, message, text, stop by, etc. after a dispute or pseudo-breakup. I always was the mature one and didn't act out. He would threaten to block me from all ways of contacting him and I would ask "Why would you do that if I'm not the one who is trying to contact you?" So yeahhhh, he pulled a really good one on me and finally did it and of course it was the first time I actually reached out to him.
Unbelievable. I've actually been in shock. He never would ever block anything anyways b/c he always needed that control to know who was trying to contact him if they did. I'm now wondering if this was his last ditch effort to push my button and punish me (for whatever in his mind is the reason for blame) and have his last day of control... .Act like he doesn't care... .Etc.? I guess this breakup is finally done and truly the final discard.
I know it doesn't matter. Nothing makes sense. And I'll have people tell me to move on and keep bettering myself. I am and I'm working so hard on myself that I've probably accomplished more in 6 weeks than I have in 1 year. LOL! But I'd like to know if anyone else had similar experiences to help me through this. I know I need to move on even more. But damn it hurts that he turned this on me like I'm bad. And all I wanted to say was that I appreciated our time together and I was moving forward.

[steelwork]

My ex blocked me everywhere, too--after he dumped me--despite the fact that he was always the pursuer with the aggressive emails and stuff. It really really really really REALLY hurt. I'd never given him any reason to think I would not respect a request to be left alone. In fact, he'd asked to be left alone at other points, and I'd always complied--not reaching out until he let me know he was ready to talk.

This is the thing: the way he went about dumping me involved a lot of lies he had to tell himself, and a concerted effort (he said as much) through "online CBT" to "get over" me. He said, "I've never had to work this hard to get over someone." He did not want me contributing counter-evidence to whatever story he'd concocted. Hence the blocking.

[fromheeltoheal]

Hi Skyglass-

I know it doesn't matter.

Oh but it does matter.  You got yourself to a place where you could be, and were fully prepared to be, mature and amicable and you made the call.  That's not nothing.  And you can't and probably never could control what he does, and making things we can't control irrelevant as we look at what we can control is most of the challenge.  So you did what you set out to do, and feel free to celebrate that!

I am and I'm working so hard on myself that I've probably accomplished more in 6 weeks than I have in 1 year.

And there's one of the gifts of the relationship.  :)oesn't matter what the motivation is really, as long as it gets us off our butts and moving towards the life of our dreams.  Our best days are ahead of us, one day at a time... .

[Skyglass]

Steelwork- I'm glad you posted a reply. I needed to hear that. Like you, I'd always respected his request to be alone. Like your experience, he was always the one to pursue aggressively.
That's so interesting what you said about the lies your ex had to concoct. I didn't even think of that as a reason for this blocking behavior. That might just be the case with my ex... .When he broke up with me for the final discard it was like another person. Parts of his emotional caring did come through but 80% was blunt, cold, and he had twisted everything good into something god awful with me being the reason the r/s was over in every single account. It was profoundly a different person and I could definitely see him lying to himself to "get over me" by blocking me and telling himself I'm the one who is going to be aggressively pursuing.
Wow! That's great insight.

[Mutt]

Hi Skyglass,

I'm now wondering if this was his last ditch effort to push my button and punish me (for whatever in his mind is the reason for blame) and have his last day of control... .Act like he doesn't care... .Etc.?

I think that you're split black. I can see how that would hurt because it can make us feel sub-human when we're blocked. A pwBPD will split people that they care about most.

[Skyglass]

Thank you FromHeeltoHeal- I see what you're saying about it "does matter." I truly did feel amicable and mature about breaking the NC and sending things off in a positive way. I have beat myself up so much over the last few weeks feeling so guilty for the r/s ending. I had come to a moment of feeling "okay with myself" last night and knew it was time and that I needed to say my peace. I wrote it and planned to remain NC and also be totally okay that I wouldn't hear a response. I wasn't looking for a response. But the surprise of knowing I was now blocked was/is shocking. I wish I knew what he was thinking and why he did that. It feels like something so simple was a slap to my face after all those years together.

[Skyglass]

Mutt- I think you're right also. Split black. It's something that is so new to me as as a concept b/c that's never how Ive ever treated someone in my life.
It's interesting too that in one of the paragraphs I had written, I had taken responsibility for my half of the r/s. I have been coming to terms that I have played a part. Not that I'm apologizing for his bad behaviors but that I knew I have some work to do on myself knowing I allowed a r/s to go on for so long.
But damn this hurts.

[fromheeltoheal]

But the surprise of knowing I was now blocked was/is shocking. I wish I knew what he was thinking and why he did that.

Yes, I understand.  My ex owed me some money, and she sent me a check with a note that could be interpreted a hundred ways, so what's my brain do?  Finds all the crappy ways to interpret it and decides what she's really thinking.  That's the default thing our brains do, but it's just as easy to interpret things in a more positive way, and since we don't really know, any interpretation is as good as any other.  And the big plus is you get to decide what he was thinking, and since you don't know, why not?  Like he's heavily distraught and couldn't bear the thought of you calling, and with that uncanny borderline ESP he knew on some level you were about to, so he had to block you out of necessity.  Since you don't know, and probably won't find out, why not make it something empowering?

[Mutt]

But damn this hurts.

I'm sorry that you're going through this  It's like a switch gets turned off, the person we cared immensely about becomes someone that we don't know. It's a difficult experience.

[insideoutside]

So, after 6 weeks of NC I finally felt I needed closure. Unfortunately it didn't work out. I sat and wrote 2 paragraphs late last night in a mature, amicable way so that I could finally say I'm moving on and thank the ex for the good times that we did have. I needed to do this to move forward and get off the constant thoughts of him. Well, my exBFw/BPD pulled a really good one on me and had blocked my number. So he never got the message. He's never done that before. And what's really crazy is that I've never ever been the one to call, message, text, stop by, etc. after a dispute or pseudo-breakup. I always was the mature one and didn't act out. He would threaten to block me from all ways of contacting him and I would ask "Why would you do that if I'm not the one who is trying to contact you?" So yeahhhh, he pulled a really good one on me and finally did it and of course it was the first time I actually reached out to him.
Unbelievable. I've actually been in shock. He never would ever block anything anyways b/c he always needed that control to know who was trying to contact him if they did. I'm now wondering if this was his last ditch effort to push my button and punish me (for whatever in his mind is the reason for blame) and have his last day of control... .Act like he doesn't care... .Etc.? I guess this breakup is finally done and truly the final discard.
I know it doesn't matter. Nothing makes sense. And I'll have people tell me to move on and keep bettering myself. I am and I'm working so hard on myself that I've probably accomplished more in 6 weeks than I have in 1 year. LOL! But I'd like to know if anyone else had similar experiences to help me through this. I know I need to move on even more. But damn it hurts that he turned this on me like I'm bad. And all I wanted to say was that I appreciated our time together and I was moving forward.

Stupid question, how do you know he's blocked you?  I thought texts went through like normal your end but just not received the other end?

Tbh this is why I won't reach out as I don't want to find I've been blocked as it would put me right back to square one.  At least you tried and I'm sorry you found out that he isn't ready or willing to hear what you have to say.  That must be so frustrating; not being allowed to have your say.

Hugs X

[Skyglass]

FromHeeltoHeal- I like the thought of Empowerment! And it does seem like pw/BPD do have ESP in some weird way... .

[fromheeltoheal]

I like the thought of Empowerment!

Yep.  So go there.  What we make things mean is something we can control, so why not control it and create some personal bliss?  That would be delusional if we tried to refute facts, but in this case you just don't, and won't, know, so why not?

[Skyglass]

Stupid question, how do you know he's blocked you?  I thought texts went through like normal your end but just not received the other end?

Tbh this is why I won't reach out as I don't want to find I've been blocked as it would put me right back to square one.  At least you tried and I'm sorry you found out that he isn't ready or willing to hear what you have to say.  That must be so frustrating; not being allowed to have your say.

IzzyBusy- I can only speak to iPhone users and the ex and I both had iPhones. Basically, you send your iMessage and it's blue. It doesn't say delivered. Then after a few mins it will turn green and say "sent by text msg". Now, it will also do this sometimes if out of range, weak cell or wifi signal, etc. But usually you know if it's that b/c the other person will respond to you back either way. I know this b/c a friend of mine practiced this to see what would happen for her own knowledge if ever blocked. Seemed silly at the time but now realize im glad I have that knowledge.
Hugs!

[insideoutside]

Ah, I'm iPhone but friend is android so i don't have that knowledge.

My friend said, before we fell out, that he was changing his number now I've been a bit naughty about a month ago and tried ringing from a withheld number but got the busy tone constantly (guess he might had blocked withheld numbers) and sent s random nonsense text from my daughters phone which went through so who knows if he's changed his number or not.  I won't try using my own number as 1. Don't want to find out I'm blocked and 2. Fear of him picking up, raging at me then blocking me.

Sucks huh! X

[Mars22]

Stupid question, how do you know he's blocked you?  

Not to keep the suspense going here but, I do not believe that is an indicator of blocked or not. I have messaged with a girl who i met online and it went green and we are still texting... and its still green?  Just saying'. I'm not sure there is a way to know without asking the persons.?

Now - if it says 'undelivered' and its green? ... then, theres your answer. But, if you google this topic 'Blue vs Green' iMessages. It explains it.

"Green means either you are communicating with someone who does NOT have a Mac, iPhone, or iPad, or the message you sent could not be sent as an Apple iMessage and therefore was sent as plain text instead."

So... you decide. I hope she got it brother... .she may have out of range is all...

cheers.

[Skyglass]

Hi Mars22- I'm a Sister not a Brother... .LOL   It's all good.
You make a point there. Honestly, I'll never truly know unless of course they were to contact me. In a way, maybe it's the Universe's way of just making me let go whenever and with whatever I can. Another step forward day by day, week by week, or month by month. Thanks for your reply