Why God created people with BPD and make them suffer and suffer their loved ones

[Depression = 72% of members]

I was just reading through all the messages and the anguish the loved ones go through when they are with BPDs. Even BPDs go through hell lot of pain themselves all through their lives. I just wanted to ask why did God created them in that ways ?
They hurt themselves and ppl around them all through their broken lives... .Why god ? Why ?

[maddy786]

I was just reading through all the messages and the anguish the loved ones go through when they are with BPDs. Even BPDs go through hell lot of pain themselves all through their lives. I just wanted to ask why did God created them in that ways ?
They hurt themselves and ppl around them all through their broken lives... .Why god ? Why ?

[Sadly]

Impossible to find an answer. Why did he cause lovely people to die of cancer, children to suffer rape and abuse and neglect. Evil men to rule and cause suffering to millions. There is no God is my reply. Sorry if that offends anyone. X

[JerryRG]

My opinion is God didn't create them this way, my exgf is BPD, I believe many people have that gene or brain wiring and if they have a semi functional development and or functional family, I believe with the emotional rawness and other qualities pwBPD can do wonderful things.

I was amazed at how well my exgf adapted (mirrored) the things I did, I'm a graphic artist and my ex showed real talent for art, she never had prior experience. She took amazing photos too. If not mirroring, she did display a great deal of talent and intelligence.

The sad thing is she couldn't put any of this to use for any length of time to be a benifit to her as far as employment or a career.

I alway seen so much potential in my exgf, maybe it was wishful thinking on my part. I encouraged her but she has to make her own choices.

She wanted to seek inpatient treatment a few weeks ago and I and everyone knows she needs this, unfortunately her bf believes he can cure her with prayer alone.

Yes God heals, that is why He gives us doctors.

God didn't create anyone to hurt anyone, these are choices made by sick minds. The good thing is, no matter how much people may try to harm others, God can and does turn abuse, neglect, hatred and evil into good, if we keep trying and moving forward. It's when we decide to stop and wallow in self pity and resentment that we make ourselves useless. God won't carry us, but He never leaves our side.

Hope you feel better maddy786

Just rememberd something I heard in a meeting a few days ago that may sum it up better.

"God will not do for us what we can do for ourselves"

God is no enabler and certainly not codependent.

[swampgas95]

This is a good question and one I have struggled with as well. I think it depends on one's religious beliefs. I can only answer based on mine. I believe that everything happens for a reason. I think the world is one giant jigsaw puzzle with a lot of missing pieces and a picture that no one can see. I have to remind myself of this constantly throughout my healing process.

You can read my backstory in my profile, but basically I am almost 5 months into recovery from a Bpd/Npdexgf and have been NC since the split. She tried to contact me once, but I ignored her and wrote "do not ever contact me again in any way" the next day, then re-blocked her number. I have no idea if she got it. I don't care. I can say this about my journey thus far over the last 4-5 months:

- I have re-established my relationship with my children and have begun trying to make up for everything I did while under her spell. In fact, I now have full custody of my kids and have begun turning their lives around as well.
- I have apologized to everyone in my life who was hurt by my time with her
- I have been able to scale back my antidepressant medication and phase out my insomnia medicine
- I have been able to reduce my number of sessions with my T
- I feel better physically, my productivity at work is higher than it's ever been, and as strange as it sounds, I have actually started growing back hair that was thinning while with her. I think it was the stress
- I have learned to forgive myself for allowing her to turn me into the person I became. It wasn't me. IT WAS HER! It was the disease.
- I met an absolutely incredible woman who is everything my BPD ex was not. I found out a few weeks into our relationship that she had been married to an abusive narcissist. We had a lot of the same stories and had both been victims. We really support each other and understand the process we both are in. We have great lines of communication and regularly discuss healthy boundaries as we move forward in the relationship as well as our personal struggles.

So my simple answer is, whether you believe in God, some other higher power, or nothing at all, this happened to all of us for a reason. I feel that this was an important lesson in my life that refined me and made me into a better man, father, friend, and relationship partner. Without my time with this evil succubus, I would have never met the amazing woman I am with now and I wouldn't have the perspective on life that I do now.

I will forever be scarred by what happened to me, but maybe all scars aren't a bad thing. The good news is that I'm alive, I learned, and I have regained control of my life. I think of it less as God making me suffer and more God refining me in the fires of my experiences for something even better. My 2 cents.

[Sadly]

Sorry, I just don't get it, love you to bits JerryG but I ask you this. Whose side was God walking at when for 2 years from the age of 8 I was constantly raped and abused by my grandfather. For years and years I struggled and eventually learned it wasn't my fault and believed through learning that became a warm loving compassionate person. Then handed all that loving warmth and compassion to a person who has crushed my soul to bits. This isn't an argument JerryG, I would love to have your faith and belief for comfort and strength but please, if you can, tell me whose side he was walking at. X

[Mutt]

Hi maddy786,

So my simple answer is, whether you believe in God, some other higher power, or nothing at all, this happened to all of us for a reason. I feel that this was an important lesson in my life that refined me and made me into a better man, father, friend, and relationship partner. Without my time with this evil succubus, I would have never met the amazing woman I am with now and I wouldn't have the perspective on life that I do now.

I feel the same way. I believe that some people in our lives are our teachers, especially the most difficult people, they are in our lives to teach us about ourselves.

[JerryRG]

Sadly

I found that in life there are not many answers, it's a mystery and asking why will keep us living in the past and prevent us from living in today. Today is all we have.

I too was abused, sexually, emotionally and verbally. Many severe traumas that were life threatening and injuries that were suppose to be dibilitating. I have been blind, crippled, paralyzed, scalped to my skull, ebolism from broken femur, comatose, beaten black and blue, lived in a raging alcoholic home with threats of death, worry and fear, narcissistic mother who controlled my thoughts, alcoholic, bad relationships, and doctors telling me they have never witnessed anyone come back from the edge as I have so many times. Lost best friends sitting beside me, friends who had hope and good families, and they die. My dad killed himself, I held my mother's hand while she died from cancer.

Why?

I don't know.

What I do know

When I got into AA, I had a God, He was my relief pitcher.

He was there just for me when I wanted Him or when I was in trouble.

I now Know Him, love Him, trust Him.

Because of this real relationship, my life has changed.

I still ask why, but I am quickly advised to stop asking why.

I learned what gratitude is.

I was never grateful for anything.

I believed if God would allow me to suffer this much, He must truly hate me.

I couldn't be more wrong.

He loved me enough to stay by me through all the hell of my life and save me from it.

I just didn't know why

Now I do, it isn't, why did I have such a s### life, the answer I have a wonderful life.

Each day, each minute I have a choice.

Rejoice in what I've been given and be thankful

Or sit and look back and ask why

I'm too busy, too happy, too grateful to ever ask why

God gives me today

And He has already ensured my eternity

How can I ever be grateful enough?

I spend my time finding reasons to be grateful

Not always, but I have a fellowship of healing, honest, wonderful people who keep me on track

Life is a matter of perspective and attitude

Simple, but never easy

[Sadly]

Then I am truly happy for you Jerry, I really am. I wish I could feel the same. X

Swampy
I love your response, well done for your insight and recovery. X

Maddy

Hope you find your answers 

[JerryRG]

You can find what I have Sadly

Don't give up and trust that you all ready have everything I do and more. When you're ready your eyes will see what's always been right in front of you all along.

If I can recover, anyone can

[Sadly]

Thanks Jerry. Well I know one thing I believe in is my BPD family, I will never be able to thank them enough for what the are all, each and everyone of them doing for me. x

[Harri]

I don't believe that God would make any one have BPD (or cancer, or NPD, or whatever) to teach us a lesson. 

God is not in the act.  He is in the response. 

I agree with Jerry that we make choices about how we process our experiences. 

[StayStrongNow]

Maddy786, I am in agreement with JerryRG that asking why to God is not for me. As I move closer to God and keep believing in Him and that His plan is the ultimate plan for me that I know I will be rewarded. I already have received earthly rewards.

When I first was given sole custody of my three children, dealing with the divorce, her police arrests, her safety plans from DCFS, etc, trying to maintain a very high demanding position, I was overwhelmed. Now I look back and realize the reason I have been able to do what I have done so far is because of God. He will never leave me.

I think God allows things to happen to see what we do, but I really don't know, only God knows why.

JerryRG, I cried as a read your post. I cry these days only for the reason of crying of happiness knowing God is real and He is working His master plan, God loves us.

Thank you all for your posts.

[AwakenedOne]

I think it all comes down to sorting out the words --> cause & allow. Did God cause or allow?

As far as believing that everything happens for a reason, I dont buy into that thinking or at least not in the way most people would. I believe much comes down to peoples free will choices that cause repercussions. I think we get closer to the truth to blame someone or something else instead of pointing at God. Directing the blame toward the parents of the pwBPD seems to be #1 reason (although not in all cases). So in that situation the parents caused it and God allowed it instead of God having created it. That is just one possible scenario.

As far as why God gave or allowed the pwBPD to come into our lives and affect us along  with them in the relationship?
I dont believe the hell I went through with my BPD x wife was meant to be and God caused it. I dont believe that God prefers to use torture to teach. I believed our relationship was meant to be at the time, maybe it was actually or even is. But God can't force her to keep the wedding vows. I don't believe God created the BPD in my xwife. I believe her mom and dad created it and nourished the sickness and God allowed it to happen. My ex is undiagnosed. I believe she has BPD, NPD and probably others. But who knows really? What she brought to my life was similar to what a skunk would bring me. So she needs to be kept away.

[Mutt]

My ex taught me to stick up for myself, I am loveable and I needed to love myself. She taught me to stop taking abuse. I'd like to shift focus away the macro level thinking and ask the OP a question because there's probably a reason why the thread was created.

Maddy786,

I want to ask you what made you think about god and suffering? Is there something specifically that happened? I'd imagine that it's something very sad.

[Butterflies free]

I am heartbroken to read the abhorrent abuses inflicted upon you, Sadly.
Maddy786, I am in no way pushing my beliefs upon you, but I hope that my words give you some solace.

As a devout Christian, it is my belief that God is the respector of no one person. It is written in the book of Romans 2:11. Basically what this means is that God does not pick favorites. The sins of Adam and Eve opened a "Pandora's Box" of atrocity into the world. For all the pain, and suffering endured, God does promise to avenge those responsible for those sufferings. In Matthew 18:6 it is written (paraphrasing) if anyone causes harm or causes a child to stumble, it would be better for them to have a large millstone around their neck and drown in the depth of sea. Children are a blessing and a gift from God.

With regard to why God creates a person with BPD... one thing I am sure of is that God does not create illness of any kind as a punishment. The same question I suppose could be asked as to why babies are born with congenital anamolies... .I believe it is bc there is something so special about these individuals that teach us compassion, empathy, strength, fortitude. There are always lessons to be learned. Yes, it is sad and painful, but there is strength in the resolve to fight the darkness.

With regard to mental illness in particular, there are several biblical scriptures which pertain to most symptoms of mental illness: anxiety, depression, epileptic seizures (which seizure meds may treat BPD), fear etc... .Each scripture is filled with hope, love, inspiration for those who believe.

I hope I have not offended anyone with my response. I write this with the utmost respect for each of you and admire your strength and courage.

May you all be blessed with happiness and peace of heart

[maddy786]

BUtterflies
I agree with you. Theres always a reason for god. But i feel comforting when you had mentioned baby with congenital illness, it struck me because i have a daughter who has congenital illness when she was born. Since birth i was hard in feelings and not care of my nephew and neice. But when my own daughter had cogenital illness everything changed in my life suddenly. I am being more empathetic, have more patience enjoy every bit of life with her.

[Butterflies free]

Maddy786,
Would it be fair to say that God gave you your little miracle for a reason? For me, there is no such thing as coincidence, but rather, "God-incidence".

I am the eldest of 3, from an all Italian/American family. I have2 younger brothers. My extended family is rather large and I am the only one without a child.  What I wanted most in the world, I am unable to have., I cried with sorrow, but I did not get angry with God. He knows all things... .He has another plan for me. And since I "mother" everyone, I figure he is still fulfilling my need to nurture.

There are blessings from the time you rise each day, the first is breath of life.
Your daughter is a blessing and God gave her to you, like our pwBPD were given to their mothers... its just perspective and I rather look at the reality of the hardness of the world with compassion than to allow any illness to keep me in darkness

I wish you all the desires of your heart