Looking for help/support

[m1342]

I am looking for a support group or a group I can reach out to when the BPD in my life is raging. She is really spiraling out of control and it frightens me what she will do. I have seen her like this before and last time she had me arrested. I need to keep my distance and stay away until she calms down but I am worried about my children who are there with her. I need to learn more and have dialogue with those who have experience and understand.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Thunderstruck]

Do you personally see a therapist or counselor? I would think that they might be able to point you in the direction of a support group.

I lean on my DH, my best friend, and a lady that was married to another one of uBPDbm's "baby daddy's". And of course bpdfamily.

[Mutt]

Hi m1342,



I'd like to welcome you to bpdfamily. I'd like to echo Thunderstruck, what is your support network like in real life? Do you have supportive family members and friends that are non judgemental? Are you seeing a T? It helps to talk to a support group concurrently with a T, we are a support group that helps partners learn r/s skills when their partner suffers from BPD.

I need to keep my distance and stay away until she calms down but I am worried about my children who are there with her.

This sounds like emotional dysregulation, BPD is an emotional regulation disorder, a pwBPD are emotionally arrested at a young age and don't have the skill to regulate their emotions or self sooth, it takes the person a long time to return to their emotional baseline. The lessons are on the right side of the board, here's a short video on ending conflict. Is she diagnosed with BPD? Do you have kids?


A 3 Minute Lesson on Ending Conflict

[Fie]

Hello m1342,

Welcome ! I'm sure you will feel good here.
I have a BPDmum and grandma and I had a BPD partner.

After watching the video Mutt sent you, maybe you can give us an example of a typical day to day situation which involves dysregulation by your partner, and describe to us how you react to it ?

[m1342]

Yes, I did turn to a therapist and when I explained and gave some examples he knew right away what I was dealing with. He suggested searching for a support group specific to BPD. I have a small group of family and friends supporting me now but that didn't happen over night due to the BP in my life going to them behind my back. I had no idea what she was doing until my friends and family stopped talking to me and returning my calls etc... .
She was saying I was delusional, abusive, controlling and on and on. The more I caught her in lies the more intense the outbursts and rage. It wasn't until I started recording her outbursts and showing people the text and emails did they start to believe me.  Its been crazy that she has gone to these levels and yet to my face when things are quiet, smiles and acts like nothing is happening. But I guess she has always had secrets I just didn't know it before.

[Mutt]

Hi m1342,

I think that you were trying to get help and the recordings would prove that what you were saying is true? Are you separated?

[m1342]

Yes, we are separated. But of course a few days after her rage, she is calling to say sorry and I love you... .and the kids are telling me she is just walking around crying. Its crazy but at the say time I have to keep distance because I have no idea what she will do next.

I guess the hardest part is getting my head around the fact I never really knew this person and what they were doing. When I started to realize and look a little closer at what she was doing/saying when I wasn't around she would rage like I have never seen before. Extremely defensive and that is when the smear campaign started behind my back.

I know you have probably heard it all before, I am hoping the more I finally talk about it, it will help me understand the behavior. Maybe make it easier to live without worrying about the unknown and the come to peace with what has already been done.