Accused on an almost daily basis of affairs, lies and infidelity

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

that is actually quite shocking F-I-T, one can only hope she is totally different in her professional life. The saying one thing and doing another certainly resonates with my all too wide experience of BPD. The self love I can help you with, though, that one is easy. Remember how you said that her loving you made you feel safe and secure? It seems that early phase is actually mirroring, BPD people have weak identity formation and so what they do is mirror your identity back to yourself That is what makes their love so addictive because at least initially they come across as the ideal partner. Of course. Because what was reflecting back at you was the lovely wonderful person that you are. See. Now all you have to do is be your own reflection. Sounds convoluted but with practice gets easier.

How was the weekend with full NC? I know you were dreading it but here it is almost over.   

[khibomsis]

that is actually quite shocking F-I-T, one can only hope she is totally different in her professional life. The saying one thing and doing another certainly resonates with my all too wide experience of BPD. The self love I can help you with, though, that one is easy. Remember how you said that her loving you made you feel safe and secure? It seems that early phase is actually mirroring, BPD people have weak identity formation and so what they do is mirror your identity back to yourself That is what makes their love so addictive because at least initially they come across as the ideal partner. Of course. Because what was reflecting back at you was the lovely wonderful person that you are. See. Now all you have to do is be your own reflection. Sounds convoluted but with practice gets easier.

How was the weekend with full NC? I know you were dreading it but here it is almost over.   

[La Carotte]

Oh she is, she's very well respected in her professional and personal life, and with good reason, she's great! She's very able to articulate the problem of being close to someone triggering everything for her, and keeps everyone else at just the right distance and projects just the right image if herself to be adored and revered and respected. 

Thanks for what you said about mirroring and being my own reflection. I do think that the thing I'm learning most, at least on a head level, is that I need to love myself. easier said than done, but I'm up for the challenge... .

As for my weekend, utterly miserable but I did it. And I didn't contact her. Although I did go where i thought she might be once. She wasn't and I hated myself for a short while but then decided to give myself a break - at least I didn't contact her!

I've actually just this minute got the first text in a week - I liked something on a mutual group in FB, and she texted me to ask me to leave her alone. It was nothing to do with her, one of our group had posted something I liked. She did the same a week ago in similar circumstances, the difference being that last time I bit and we rowed and she ended up accusing me of stalking her and we both ended up saying all kinds of vile things, and this time I deleted it, along with her number so there will be no engagement. Go me!

[Suzn]

This thread is being locked as it's reached it's post maximum. Please feel free to continue this discussion in a new thread.