First Time...Introduction

[SheNee56]

I am the mother of a 19 year old daughter who has BPD.  I recently got married and moved out of my home and left my daughter there to raise my granddaughter who is 3.  The move has been good for both of us and has helped with boundaries.  I still get very tense when she calls because I know she wants something.  If I say no, she usually asks why repeatedly, begs, gets angry, tries to pour on the guilt, etc...   She calls me at work, home, etc... expecting me to help her, listen to her etc.  When I try to listen it always ends up in manipulation.  That is why I am up too late tonight just needing some help.
I'm tired of being tense all the time.  I'm tired of how I allow her to make me upset.  I want to have boundaries, but she always turns it around to, "thanks for being there for me" in sarcasm.  I just need advice and ideas from others who have been there!

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Turkish]

Hi  SheNee56,



So if you moved out of the home,  she's managing the household on her own in the ways anyone would,  or are you paying anything into the home?

Turkish

[Mutt]

Hi SheNee56,  



I'd like to join Turkish and welcome you. I'm sorry to hear that, walking on eggshells is a terrible feeling, I can see why it's keeping you up at night. I can relate with that, my ex used to emotionally blackmail me, well she still does, but less so because of boundaries, she knows that she can't come to me for everything and emotional blackmail is in her nature, she doesn't know that she does it but I don't react to it like I used to. Here's an article on emotional blackmail or "FOG" Fear, Obligation, Guilt and another article on boundaries. You'll find the lessons to the right side of the board. You're not alone  

Emotional Blackmail: Fear, Obligation and Guilt (FOG)

Setting Boundaries and Setting Limits