Am I The Only One Who Went Crazy During The Breakup/Replacement Process?

[vortex of confusion]

Confussed#9999 mine was 100% waif too. Always working the victim/pity. He liked me to rub his head to make him feel better. One night while I was rubbing his head I was thinking to myself that this was more like I was in a relationship with a dog, always trying to keep it from peeing on the carpet.

I laughed out loud when I read this because it is so similar to my experience. I used to have to rub ex's back to help him sleep.

One of our kids (clearly his favorite) pets him on the head and treats him like she treats the dog and cats. He absolutely loves it. As long as we baby him, he is happy. He is very much a waif/hermit/victim.

[Confused#9999]

Holy crap vortex and talks to angels. Mine had me massage her shoulders and neck every time we were together. Of course I didn't mind, but I thought it was strange that the neck pain was constant. She even went to get professional manages for it.

[Weary1402]

I am sorry that you're suffering. I understand. Just know being involved with a pwBPD makes us into people we aren't or weren't before. I don't even know the angry person I have become. Have grace for yourself. She has probable acted out in rage many times so eventually she will see your behavior on that one bad day as understandable. An apology is an open door. Keep the door closed and locked. You need time to recover.

[Pretty Woman]

You aren't crazy. Give yourself some credit.

These relationships are insane and you get sucked into the drama, almost addicted to the push pull. It's like Pavlov's dog. You know the story, he trained his dog to salivate by ringing a bell. The bell, told the dog he would get a reward, food. He became conditioned.

We became so used to our ex coming back that once we are finally replaced it's a game changer. We become depressed, despondent. We lose weight, we don't care about anything other than "hearing that bell ring" again. We crave it.

This is an addiction and why I am a advocate for NC. NC isn't to make them come back, it's to ween ourselves off them and work on ourselves. It's to break the co-dependency.

Two years ago I almost killed myself. My ex left me for another days before Christmas. Not only did she leave, she threatened an RO on me, changed her number, and right before that told me what a horrible person I was.

I lay in bed for two weeks staring at a ring I purchased. I hadn't showered, I hadn't shaved. I was barely existing. If it weren't for my cats I wouldn't have left my bed at all.

It was a very dark time for me. My work was suffering and I almost lost my job.

I almost lost my job, my life over someone with less potential than I have to be successful. I have all my shyt together in life, a great job, home and now relationship. It would have been a horrible loss had I killed myself. I have so much to offer and so much life to live yet.

And you do too!

But these relationships play with your head. I call it a "momentary lapse in my life". Don't beat yourself up over it. Grow from the experience.

YOU are not crazy. You became addicted to the crazy behaviors. A victim of proximity.

I applaud you sharing your story and working these things out through writing. Writing is very cathartic.

Know we all have your back here and are here to listen and help. You are a good person that got into a "situation". It happens to the best of us. The important thing is you are here now working it out!