Just need someone to talk to

[Madman]

My girlfriend was diagnosed with BPD about 2 years ago, she also had PTSD due to losing a child in an accident, she had therapy for that and that side improved massively but she also was supposed to do DBT course for the BPD but didn't stay in that course as it was a group thing and she said she wasn't as bad as they were. While she might not be addicted to sex, drugs or alcohol, the manipulation, lies, highs and lows are so hard to take. I read walking on eggshells, good book and try to set and stick to my boundaries after years of getting dragged down to her level, or allowing myself to get there. I guess the hard bit for me is hoping that she will get better but it never does, we might get a week or two where I think things are great, then back to "normal", silence, screaming, blaming, projecting, splitting all of the normal traits and when I think about it the two weeks where things are great, they are actually just OK, I am so used to things being so bad that OK feels like awesome.

Thing is I KNOW what she could be like as for the first 6 months of the relationship it was amazing. She pushed me a bit but blamed her ex b/f for testing me, the she used him to compare me to in a bad way after telling me initially how great I was and how awful he was, then she started going to his house to piss me off, saying things that she KNEW would hurt me and telling me she liked to watch me squirm.

Sex is virtually non existent now when it used to be daily and GREAT!

Its like she is with-holding that now and it kills me. I know that this is the BPD and not neccessarily her, but its her BPD not mine, and I just want it to be like it was at the start of our relationship! I don't know how to get there or if its even possible?

I love her so much but recently have started to question myself, I know I am slightly co-dependent and am getting therapy for that, but everything I go to work or have to stay away I get the cold treatment and she keeps going back to things that have been said or done in the past and I mean years ago.

I guess I am looking for some advice or encouragement from anyone who has been through similar and their SO with BPD got "better" or at least improved significantly from where they were before.

I really appreciate any comments guys, thanks in advance

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[rosesarered777]

From what I have read and experienced over 7 years... it is sadly impossible.

I wouldn't say my BPD ex/STBex was ever on her best behaviour as I think she was the super sneaky type that always had secrets she should have never had even from the beginning. On the surface, the beginning is like a fairy-tale but only until their mask starts to slip and you start to sober up from the love-bombs IMO.

the good times do get shorter and shorter and the crazy behaviour gets worse and worse. Once they realize that they can manipulate the authorities, either from their own realizations or by wacky suggestions from their social group(s), run run run and dissociate completely. As someone wrote in response to some of my posts, they can get you put away in jail and ruin your career and personal life. I am just lucky that no one I know would believe what she had to say about me!

[Mutt]

Hi Madman,



I'd like to join rosesarered777 and welcome you to  bpdfamily. I'm glad that you decided to join us, many of us here can relate with you and offer you guidance an support.

I remember the day where I felt my ex changed and she never went back to the person that I had me at the very beginning. I had never heard of BPD, I could have Googled some of the behaviors but I didn't want to find out. Anyways, I waited for several years for that person at the moment beginning to show up, I kept wondering where my wife went.

I would have spent my energy differently had I made the effort to do a Google search. We have let go of the desire to have our partners return to a permanent state of idealization, it felt like a high to me at the beginning, I have never felt anything like it before, knowing what I learned from this site, it's not a healthy r/s wanting our partner to idealize us.

I suggest learning communication tools that help with a HSP or a pwBPD. Read as much as you can about the disorder you will quickly see the benefits and become proficient over time. A pwBPD have low self esteem, low self worth, self loath and need a lot of validation.

Communication Skills - Don't Be Invalidating

The Do's and Don'ts in a BPD Relationship

[Madman]

Has been helping me with some advice re my partner and our issues - my partner came into my room last night as I received a message from this lady Jen and now thinks I am cheating which I am not.

Jen has blocked me and now I have no way of convincing my partner that this was advice and supportive chat - it actually had worked as we had a lovely day yesterday for the first time in ages and now it's all blown up in my face. My partner has asked me to leave our home. So if any of you or even Jen herself can read this and come back to me please as I really don't want to lose the forward momentum that would be greatly appreciated.

Has anyone else experienced being blocked by another member. Thanks guys appreciate all the support

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You started talking to this member in 2016?