Is mom really abusive or am I overreacting?

[Depression = 72% of members]

Validation has never been such an important word in my vocabulary before my realizations about NM. It's a foreign feeling for me. I thank you all so much!

Grandmothertobe--not too harsh. You're absolutely right. Thank you!

So you know how she had to throw into the last message the stupid comment about how my text cost her 25 cents? Well, I mailed her GPS out last night and taped a quarter to the inside of the box. Bwahaha!

[Ladybug123]

Validation has never been such an important word in my vocabulary before my realizations about NM. It's a foreign feeling for me. I thank you all so much!

Grandmothertobe--not too harsh. You're absolutely right. Thank you!

So you know how she had to throw into the last message the stupid comment about how my text cost her 25 cents? Well, I mailed her GPS out last night and taped a quarter to the inside of the box. Bwahaha!

[Ladybug123]

She just sent a private FB message that was a post from somewhere else and said something about a mother-daughter bond being unbreakable, stronger than anything and she typed "I wish that were true." I have so much I could say to her in reply. Grrr.

Feeling guilty now.

[Ladybug123]

She sent another one. "I guess things won't improve when words fall on deaf ears. We may never have a relationship again but just know that there isn't a day I don't think about you, miss you or stop loving you."

I guess it really is time to block her and stop torturing myself. I wish she would just leave me alone! Tell me if I'm wrong but isn't that first sentence guilting and blaming, like this is all me and my deaf ears' fault?

[Turkish]

She's being a Waif, asking you (implicitly) to rescue her. This is how she's operated her whole life.  You aren't going to change this. 

You can,  however, respond differently than what you've been doing.  Sometimes it's best to ignore (as I've done from time to time when my mom used to go Waif), but sometimes you can pick the target to validate,  remembering to validate the valid while invalidating the invalid (a saying we have here).

Given the tools on the lessons at the top of the board,  how might that look? I know this is a lot to throw out there,  but take a look and tell me what you think?

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=69272.0

[DaughterOf]

I finally said I had to get back to work. Ooh, I also said that I would not tolerate her talking to me like that. I felt so brave!

Rock on, Ladybug123! Good for you for insisting on a healthy boundary. I did that once, years ago, and it felt like it was ripping me to shreds. But, in the end, it communicated that I was not willing to be stomped on. She still does occasionally, but she now knows that there are consequences to her behavior.

BTW - I'm scared of my mother too. And a big empath. I think it comes with the merging that BPD moms encourage. I got to know and anticipate my mother's feelings better than my own.

And another BTW: Drama queen was one of my mom's favorite names for me also. I now realize that almost every single name she called me (drama queen, self-centered, insensitive, etc.) apply much more to her than to me. Perhaps it's the same with your mom? It does sound like she has a love for drama... .

[cmm]

Ladybug, I want to quickly highlight two points. 

1. In your post about the GPS, it is crucial to analyze your perspective.  You never mentioned how you were abused by her not sending your GPS back to YOU.  Only mentioned her and her overreaction.  It's important to stop and think about YOU and not ignore those details.

2. I'm going to be brutally honest in response to your last few posts.  You are going to have to recognize that YOU are now accountable for your suffering.  Her behavior is exactly what it has always been and you know to expect it.  So, how long you allow yourself to suffer is 100% up to you (a good thing).  You don't have to go through that another day.  If you're doing this for her, please do yourself a favor and stop.  She doesn't care about your feelings.  You must take care of YOU and you only in that relationship.